Some thoughts on Giving

I'm here at Orientation for New Staff for my new job with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. We're in Madison, Wisconsin until next Wednesday night. The first 3-4 days of the program are devoted to fund development.

This is a topic many of us are eager to learn more about because we've been spending most of our time on fundraising. It is good to have another booster and refocusing around issues of funding and giving.

One topic that has stuck out to me over and over again is the idea of partnership in giving. This is the idea that donors are a part of the ministry--not just the means to getting us there (on campus).

When donors are a part of the ministry, it works both ways. Not only are our donors able to give to us monetarily and spiritually, providing blessing for us and teaching us to be dependent on God and trust in something other than ourselves to provide for our needs.

Also, this includes the idea that we can minister to our donors as well. We should be concerned for the spiritual development and growth not only of students on campus but also of the donors and supporters of our ministry. One donor spoke about how donors also have "unfinished business with God" and we should be open to being a part of what God wants to do in their lives.

It is not just about asking--but inviting donors into being in need before God. Giving, especially giving money taps into a lot of taboo things in our culture (asking for money, talking about money). Our relationship with money is often very tied to our relationship with God (some people I met talk about the "Big 3": sex, money, power).


Today we studied Philippians. Who knew that Philippians was actually a donor letter Paul wrote to the church in Philippi? (yes, Paul the tent maker also received donations in some occasions as well). Paul demonstrates this kind of spiritual concern for this donors. He talks about how he is not really in need of the money maybe in the way the donors may think ("I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances"). Paul primarily discusses ways that he is looking to be a part of the spiritual development of the giver--("he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ").

This plays into a lot of our insecurities. For me, thinking about the spiritual development of donors is a great conflict--seeing as almost all my supporters will be older than me. It is difficult to not think that spiritual development accompanies physical development (that all older people must be more spiritually mature than younger people). But maybe more on that later.

6/18/2007: Wendell Berry: Alarmist or Prophet?

I recently relented and finally picked up a copy of “Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community,” a collection of essays by Kentucky farmer/essayist Wendell Berry.

One of the communities I visited last summer showed a lot of respect for Berry and his general philosophy. They respected his attention to issues of environment and creation, all-sides Christian approach, and desire to “live locally.”

Berry is an avid enthusiast of the local life. As a farmer, he believes in reestablishing the ties that connect people to production—connect people to where their food and products originate—and where their waste ends up. In this way, if all of a community understood and practiced an understanding of being tied to a local place—our “environmental (he finds the term itself absurd, too global in scope)” would be greatly improved. He largely believes Christians cannot, in good faith, participate in the “industrial economy”—but that it is also very dangerous to ignore this idea of economy, believing faith to only be about the thought life or beliefs.

His desire to focus on the local life and connecting people to production sometimes leads me to believe he’s just asking for the “good old days” when communities were not corrupted, people lived and farmed on family land, and families were intact. Possibly he is a bit extreme in believing reestablishing ties to nature would un-do so much of this wrong. Of course, I don’t believe his philosophy is that simple.

However, I am wary of what appear to be “one-dimensional”—just personal solutions to problems. If we all change the way we run our household economies—if we all change the way we approach enemies—that that will solve these larger problems (I would say global, but the man also rejects the notion of thinking globally as absurd).

It’s oddly the same question and suspicion I have about the community I visited. They believed strongly in secession from the economy and creation of sustainable local economies of Christians living out on the margins, separate from life. Am a disbelieving God by thinking this is simply impractical? Or wondering why they cannot look at changing laws?

It is questions like these that make me wary of the Christian Anarchists. However, there is something largely enticing and romantic about this notion of rejecting all other influences except God and radically separating out—even if it is on an urban corner. Maybe it feels pure—closer to what might be the way of God.

A BERRY QUOTE: “The complicity of Christian priests, preachers, and missionaries in the cultural destruction and the economic exploitation of the primary peoples of the Western Hemisphere, as of traditional cultures around the world, is notorious. Throughout the five hundred years since Columbus’s first landfall in the Bahamas, the evangelist has walked beside the conqueror and the merchant, too often blandly assuming that their causes were the same. Christian organizations, to this day, remain largely indifferent to the rape and plunder of the world and of its traditional cultures. It is hardly too much to say that most Christian organizations are as happily indifferent to the ecological, cultural, and religious implications of industrial economics as are most industrial organizations. The certified Christian seems just as likely as anyone else to join the military-industrial conspiracy to murder Creation.”

6/13/2007: Nutrient Deficiency in the House?

So like any college student home for a long summer with less than normal social interaction—I am always in search of new ways to occupy my time. Also as a certified multi-tasker I have a difficulty doing just one thing at once—I’ve heard it’s a woman thing.

So in the midst of all my InterVarsity thank you notes and regular communication, I went to the Southlake library and looked for a movie to check out.

One problem—I don’t like movies. But I do like watching TV programs—especially on DVD format—no commercials, no waiting a week. Great especially for those series that don’t have any definite plot line from episode to episode as well. Shows like CSI fit this format well—so does HOUSE my recent TV program of choice.

In one week I managed to watch two entire seasons of the show—approximately 24 or more episodes? I’m not really sure. But it’s taken a small toll on my psyche.

It’s a doctor’s diagnostics show. He gets cases of what they believe to be one ailment—only to discover another much more exciting reason for the person’s hospitalization. This has left me thinking disaster will strike at any moment. When someone sneezes—do they really have a strange tropical disease? Or—as common in the show—are they hiding some pregnancy or drug addiction from those around them?

So to set the stage, here comes me feeling rather weak this past week. I started thinking up all the odd things that could be wrong with me. I also started investigating the ins and outs of a vegetarian diet and its effects on nutrient levels.

After googling “light headed” and “vegetarian” I found the likely culprit—an Iron deficiency. I went to the store and bought a multivitamin. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s actually some other crazy problem with my body instead…..

Chance meeting

So living this far out away from William and Mary, I rarely get to see people from school during breaks. Actually, in the past I have only been able to see people when I traveled to their areas to meet them.

Yesterday, on their drive back from Big Bend National Park in west Texas my friends Eric and Chris came within 35 minutes of my home!

It was really great to see these guys, even for only a short dinner! They seemed to be enjoying all that Texas had to offer--including an internal border patrol.......? Funny for Chris who's a British citizen.

Made for a good Friday evening activity. Thanks guys!

Why is calling so hard?

I've never really liked talking on the phone--sure, when I was in middle school I talked to friends for hours on the phone or we got together and called boys from our 6th grade class.....but by this point in my life its not one of my favorite pasttimes.

This upcoming job coupled with graduating is requiring me to make many more phone calls than any other time in my recent life. Somehow I get kind of nervous before I dial--even if I'm just calling a friend to talk. I put it off all day long. I have this daunting list of "to dos"--that in reality are only 3 phone calls. Some total all of 5 minutes, others maybe 45. What's with that?

Last Semester of College

Getting on the plane this last time (minus my two emergency home visits this month), I pulled out my calendar and journal and began my semester "list of events"

Some highlights:
-studying for the LSAT, getting the same score 8-9 times
-Wren Cross explosion, speaking for an audience, the Religious Committee
-braving the Performance Art Ensemble Class
-becoming good friends with a freshman girl
-stopped eating meat, went off meal plan
-Laura home more--and in my classes!
-somewhat successfully completed a speed-reading class
-interviewed and hired for InterVarsity, meet new DC people each time
-IJM: Nik acting wonderfully as the new president
-following Rebecca around as she planned for spring break service trips
-spring break cruise to bahamas
-running a safezone training for Christians
-Senior class gift events
-sober mug nights
-coming home for two funerals, realizing I have a lot of love and friends in my life
-Laura's bachelorette party
-finishing an honors thesis
-Queen of England comes to WM

Thoughts/important verses:
-learning to balance the need for community and sharing with over-indulging or bragging
-learning to be excited and hopeful about the future, grateful I have opportunities
-understanding the limits and temptations of worldly power and recognition
"coming out of Babylon," beware of the Philistines in our lives

-1 John 4:15-18--there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
-Psalm 119: 32--I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.
-2 Corinthians 10:5--we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up agains the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
-Eccel. 5:7-wisdom and knowledge are nothing compared to standing in awe of God.

Back!

After a 2 month hiatus, I am hoping to keep this blog going this summer--and beyond.
After this summer, I will be joining InterVarsity Christian Fellowship as campus staff at Georgetown University in Washington DC. I hope to keep this site up-to-date for friends to keep in touch with what's going on in the DC area.

Praying for Shoes

Ever prayed for something just odd?

I don't do it often, probably not often enough actually.

A few months ago, I started praying about my shoes. I have this pair of shoes I just "had to have" when I was 14. They cost well over $100 at the time. Now I don't wear them, mostly because they weigh way too much to literally "tote" around campus--about 10 pounds total.

I started praying that God would give me something to do with these shoes. I know I shouldn't own them anymore. But I also wasn't satisfied just sending them off with the collection box--I wanted to believe....for once, that if I asked, God would show up.....and give me something to do with these shoes.

I was at first thinking along the lines of the relational tithe....I'd meet someone who really needed shoes....and instead of throwing off my cheapest shoes, well I'd pick the most expensive pair I've ever owned. Maybe this was a bit extreme. I remember an instance in Bangkok where a young boy's flip flops broke......I felt overwhelmed to offer him my own shoes. He declined....but for a second, I had to panic......my only pair of sandals for the summer.....well, gone. Not really that crazy.

But then the other day the campus crusade people started talking about doing a Badmitton tournament. I couldn't go--I'll be out of town. But the fundraiser is "Shoes for Souls"--some kind of ministry, somewhere. Probably like Williamsburg Community Chapel's collection of eye glasses.

Regardless........here's my chance, goodbye Doc Martens.

Vegetarianism: some thoughts

Wendell Berry, a Christian ethicist and Kentucky farmer writes often on the industrial economy and Christian's responsibility to the earth.

He remarks city people often ask him "what city people can do?"
He answers.... [quotation from here forward]

"Eat responsibilty," I have usually answered. Of course, I have tried to explain what I meant by that, but afterwards I have invariably felt that there were more to be said that I had been able to say. Now I would like to attempt a better explanation.
I begin with the proposition that eating is an agricultural act. Eating ends the annual drama of the food economy that begins with planting and birth. Most eaters, however, are no longer aware that this is true. They think of food as an agricultural product, perhaps, but they do not think of themselves as "consumers." If they think beyond that, they recognize that they are passive consumers. They buy what they want--or what they have been persuaded to want--within the limits of what they can get.

Most urban shoppers would tell you that food is produced on farms. But most of them do not know what farms, or what kinds of farms, or where farms are, or what knowledge or skills are involved in farming.

The specialization of production induces specialization of consumption. Patrons of the entertainment industry, for example, entertain themselves less and less and have become more and more passively dependent on commerical suppliers. This is certainly true also of patrons of the food industry, who have tended more and more to be mere consumers--passive, uncritical, and dependent. Indeed, this sort of consumption may be said to be one of the chief goals of industrial production.

The trap is the ideal of industrialism: a walled city surrounded by valves that let merchandise in but no consciousness out. How does one escape this trap? Only voluntarily, the same way that one went in: by resorting one's conscioueness of what is involved in eating; by reclaiming responsibility for one's own part in the food economy. Eaters, that is, must understand that eating takes place inescapably in the world, that is inescapably an agricultural act, and that how we eat determins, to a considerable extend, how the world is used.

[end quote]

Cruising USA?

For spring break I took a cruise with 11 of my friends to the Bahamas.
We had a good time, getting to hang out on the beach, eat tons of food (there's 3-4 course meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner....plus ice cream/pizza 24 hours a day), and lay around....and for me, read tons. It was a good option for togetherness that didn't require a lot of planning or extra effort.

Cruises are oddities for many reasons. In some ways its like getting Las Vegas or Atlantic City stuck on a boat, casinos, alcohol, and tons of food all at your finger tips....ohh and all the crazy shows. The 80s show, the best. There was sushi, ice cream, oatmeal, cake, fruit, and pizza all the time.

The crew on the cruise comes from all over the world--so say their name tags. Sometimes we wondered if there was a correlation between what kinds of jobs people on the cruise had and their nationalities. I wondered about the ethics of their labor practices, people living on a boat for several months at a time, something to investigate. We wondered about what they thought of us---indulgent, glutenous Americans, all "being served" by them....to our heart's desires, ordering sometimes 5 and 6 things at breakfast or dinner. Did they think we were all greedy, soon to be fat people? I think it'd be a hard job. And that's just the service jobs. Those of the people in the entertainment parts of the ship---it'd be hard to act that happy all the time. However, the crazed karyokee girl seemed to enjoy her life making a spectacle of herself fairly well.

It was an interesting experience for many reasons, and for the sake of sounding/knowing I'm a horrible snob, I won't divulge too far into that train of thought.

But don't get me wrong, it was a great vacation experience--just led me to consider the system at work as well.

Fear and the Future

One of my good friends recently told me that fear is rooted in selfishness. The more I consider this, the more I agree. Often its a selfishness that says I think where I am and what I'm doing is better than what God has for my future. And that's selfish....and just plain stupid too.

This was part of thinking about how to face the future as an adventure, a next step and not a reason or an excuse to look back with regret or weepy eyes.

What if I faced every day of my future like my road trip this summer....excited to meet new people, and not letting who I've "left behind" fill my mind and keep me from enjoying life and new experiences.

However, there's a flip side to all of this. I recognize that this kind of mentality leaves us very very good at being where we are, with people around us. Is this the way things are supposed to be? Is that how God intended for us, to fill up the relationships around us?

But then Jesus had friends he saw and then thought of while he was gone (Lazarus)...and Paul, well he wrote to people often....I guess from prison. And of course, different times.

But really, now how in this modern world with all the conveniences of communication, are we supposed to face relationships? keep up with friends? How many of us have over 600 facebook friends.....and that's just poeple who are our own age.....

what do you do with that? How do you maintain relationships? Do you pick....say 10 and hope those are the ones that work......or create a rotating "call list"......I don't know.


I like to be where I am.....but there are people who are near and dear to me who are not constantly in front of my face, I've learned to communicate long-distance with my family well....but friends, I've been pretty awful. hmmm

Dreams are nothing next to standing in Awe

For in a multitude of dreams there is futility and worthlessness, and ruin in a flood of words. But reverently fear God revere and worship Him, knowing that He is.
-Ecclesiasties 5:7

2/19/2007: Fighting for the Win?

Sometimes I wonder how Christians can ever justify a political "fight" or stance. It seems contrary to the nature of Christians to be crusading or promoting for any cause of any kind.

I fear, being someone easily excited about politics and debate, that I can begin purusing the win, over pursuing God or something of his greater character.

I think the greatest danger in pursuing the win has to do with the inevitable beating-the other side portion of winning. To win, someone must lose. It is disheartening to see people starting to mark up tallies, deciding who's coming up "better" than the other, or who holds the upper hand. When we focus on beating someone else, for whatever reason, we cease to love them. We cease to see them as children of God, only as another pawn in a cause.

We see people plotting other's demise, Christian people plotting the demise of other Christians (is the hand revolting on the foot, cutting its own disordered body apart). It hurts. I'm not proposing that Jesus was always a pacifist, though, maybe he was--just not in a lie-down-and-get-hurt kind of way.

pray for unity of the body.

2/17/2007: Morning Stillness

Something beautiful I’ve started practicing this year, having my own kitchen and apartment, I enjoy long mornings sitting by myself, doing devotions and enjoying the quiet of the morning. I’m not normally someone who likes spending time by myself, but this morning time has become precious to me. It’s nice to live as those this is my home, able to eat and read the Bible in the morning in pajamas, relaxing into the day instead of having to rush to take a shower first thing as I’ve done every other year in college.

I guess its just one of those parts of learning what you like in life and who you want to become.

2/16/07: Back on that Train....

I love the freedom of public transportation, the freedom to spend the time doing something else or enjoying watching the world and scenery go by—instead of driving and needing to concentrate. Of course, it leads to contemplation. And thanks to Amtrak, there are plugs for computers—so a place to catalogue thoughts. I head to Washington, DC again. This time for the “real thing” interview. We’ll see. Another one of those things I’m a bit apprehensive to discuss and divulge into in front of an internet audience (what of 1, 2….haha who knows?).

My perfect vision of a partying, freeing second semester senior year has yet to take root. This is starting to concern me a bit. Last weekend I took the LSAT, of course that was a lot of time and preparation. Then after that it was time take care of everything I hadn’t done instead of the LSAT—honors thesis, namely and a midterm and lecture to read for.

But of course, the life of all other organizations rolls on as well—this coming week after 3 days out of town, I come back to a long evening showing Invisible Children, a Honors Presentation in front of my advisors and friends, and culminating in Mortar Board’s selection evening (I hear to expect to stay for 5 hours….wow). Well at least my academic work isn’t taking up too much of my time. Of course, minus that measly thesis….

Well there’s the laundry list of life. The emotions and real stuff of life leaves me holding the hard emotions at arm’s length. I feel like my closest relationships are really starting to make sense and come to the point of honesty and love I’ve looked for all my life—roommates, other close friends….and its some sick joke that I’ll be so far from these people in 3 month’s time. I don’t have the emotional strength to start withdrawing now, which is good.

Its so hard to remember that God has timing for everything. There’s a time for me to become really close to my roommate this semester—after we’ve known each other for 3.5 other years…..and that’s ok. That’s hard for me to grasp. I want to believe that we should’ve gotten it together a long time ago—but to realize maybe this was God’s timing for our lives. That’s hard to comprehend. And sometimes hurts, why do I get her this close for a year—and not, well 10 or 20? Why does she have to move West? Just to take one example.

And not to even mention, the 3 or 4 close friends of mine who are abroad/living away this semester. Why now? What will happen in the future.

I think I have such a hard time believing that I will find and experience these good of friendships ever again in the future, that God has a plan for new sets of inspiring, loving, supportive people for the rest of my life. That’s hard to believe in the moment when I love these people and would be perfectly content taking them with me for the rest of my lives.

But, to discount how thankful I should feel for all the love and support in my life---well that’d just be silly. God is good. I am so thankful for the relationships in my life—but also for the new relationships coming up even this semester. I’ve gotten to know this lovely freshman girl who lights up my life.

LSAT over!

Took my first official LSAT Saturday, thank the Lord its over. Could be much ado about nothing...but really, who knows?

When it comes to law school, UTexas and Rutgers somehow are the only ones that come to mind....interesting combination....and I might have a chance of getting in too!

Well, let it be known this is not the immediate plan for my life though.

Other life highlights....
--Some more cross-related action going on with the BOV on campus and some zealous activists on either side....can't really talk about that here, but its become a big part of my life
--attempting to get back into writing this thesis again after several more weeks of neglect
--attending Peace Hill, liking getting to know all kinds of people there--and seeing great people like Allison back in town!
--Great dinner with 2 girls interested in New Monasticism--one I've known since a freshman seminar on God and the Protest Novel...and another kindred spirit who transfered last year....we had our last 2 good talks before this in dorm kitchens....funny that.

Life is good, senior year is much busier than I ever expected....or really wanted it to be. Hopefully after this weekend's interview (IV in DC)...I can settle down a little and chill out more. However, looking back, I've definitely had more crazy semesters than this.

LSAT over!

Took my first official LSAT Saturday, thank the Lord its over. Could be much ado about nothing...but really, who knows?

When it comes to law school, UTexas and Rutgers somehow are the only ones that come to mind....interesting combination....and I might have a chance of getting in too!

Well, let it be known this is not the immediate plan for my life though.

Other life highlights....
--Some more cross-related action going on with the BOV on campus and some zealous activists on either side....can't really talk about that here, but its become a big part of my life
--attempting to get back into writing this thesis again after several more weeks of neglect
--attending Peace Hill, liking getting to know all kinds of people there--and seeing great people like Allison back in town!
--Great dinner with 2 girls interested in New Monasticism--one I've known since a freshman seminar on God and the Protest Novel...and another kindred spirit who transfered last year....we had our last 2 good talks before this in dorm kitchens....funny that.

Life is good, senior year is much busier than I ever expected....or really wanted it to be. Hopefully after this weekend's interview (IV in DC)...I can settle down a little and chill out more. However, looking back, I've definitely had more crazy semesters than this.

I am Growing....

Sometimes its amazing to just sit back and consider the person we've become.

To consider what we've learned about life, love, and relating to those around us. I'm amazed by God's ability to emotionally mature us, baby step after baby step.

I am so blessed. My life is so full and there are so many amazing people with amazing talents and love in it. Thank you Jesus!

A New Class

So this Monday, in the spirit of trying to take only 12 credits this semester, I decided I would try out another 1-credit course. My goal originally was to get 3 1credit classes....and that would take the place of a regular 3-hr class.

So I have percussion ensemble, pilates/conditioning, America in the World--a seminar class that meets 4 times, and now Performance Art Ensemble. So yes, that's actually 4 1-credit courses. I want to get rid of one--but the one I want to be rid of--well its the one I should probably stay in the most.

I went to Performance Art Ensemble Monday night from 7 to 9:30pm, expecting to get some pointers on how to be a better musician--even getting to work with dancers, etc...but all in the context of me behind my marimba.....and without having to really do much more work. The goal here was to score some for-sure practice time for my upcoming solo performance later this spring.

However, this is not what I encountered. This class has about 20 people in it, who for one, all appear to be friends with one another--but also are very artsy-performing types. This I am not, I am a shy and reserved---well largely inhibited person. Normally this doesn't embarass me--I don't dance much, I don't make loud displays of myself. And I consider this to be my personality. And to be ok.

So here's what we had to do--first, everyone says why they're in the class. Some people are there because of music,....well me and like 1 other person, but most are there because of general art interests in certain movements, etc. I tell them now that i am shy--just to get my comment out there for my own benefit at least. Next, we need to get into partners and do something that's relatively easy that will shock people, this....well not so easy for me. I don't think on my feet. So my partner drops his pants, exposing his boxers....shocking. I sit and well do nothing. It didn't differ too much from the other displays.

The most intense part of the class we worked individually--and had to consider something that we did not like to talk about, made us uncomfortable or we didn't like. And then we had to get up and talk about it nonstop for 1 minute. This was very interesting--we had confessions of love affairs, people confronting others in the class, talk about poo, orgasms, and myself talking about why I was afraid of taking this class. That it made me embarassed that I couldn't just be free and let go and do stupid things---and its one of the things I least like to talk about--who wants to admit that they're not laid back and cool?

But what about when I'm thrown into a situation that causes me to have to reconsider that part of myself--maybe I need to learn to be able to let it loose sometimes, act and be silly a little---and in the context of performance, being vulnerable to criticism....instead of just around friends as I would usually consider myself to be silly or uninhibited.

This class began to represent much of what I have spent my past 3.5 years being validated at NOT being...I am organized, scheduled, precise, opinionated--and well, put together. I have succeeded at doing the right things, at the right times....and climbing the social and otherwise campus ladder in other ways. But this was all called into question--the fact that I have an excell spreadsheet of my life---well, that will not make me a more successful student in this class. I'd venture ot say I'm the only one in there who walks around with such a thing.



SO I'm not completely sold--in some ways it feels like a waste of time, like an immature use of 2.5 hours....but I know that it will challenge me deeply to sit through this weekly....and stand up and put myself out there, attempt to act, or speak or sing......it will be hard. So maybe I should take it......even if it does require me to be in 13 credits instead of 12.

Back at school

Gosh this keeping up with this blog thing is harder than I thought it'd be.

Well school has started.

I can't decide for the life of me what classes to take....to be honest, I'm currently signed up for 20 hours...I need to keep 12. That's just sad. I am feeling very indecisive. Maybe its that senior feeling that I need to make the most of all of my opportunities while I'm still an undergraduate.

Oh boy, how nostaligic I'm already beginning to sound.

----

Well recently I've also had a sort of "freak out" point on my major. Feeling maybe....in lieu of the LSAT that, considering my career goals (as if I know what they are), maybe I choose the wrong major. ). I really do believe in no regrets though....so I guess I'm more considering whether I'm going in the right direction for further studies.

An excerpt from that discussion....

I've come to realize I am not very good at the LSAT, or for now about 1/2 of it. Some have said this kind of training came through philosophy classes or something like that. --And of course it brings the subsequent jokes from friends of mine who are preparing for the exam with me and consistently making 10-15 points higher than I am, that I have chosen a "fluff" major and that my "knowledge" is not really "knowledge" at all.

This lead me to questioning the "value" of my sociology training.

But in terms of the "value" of a sociology education...

Do people often question sociology because it studies current life often, and leaves students examining their daily practices. I tend to think of sociology more as a way of rethinking what we already "know"--less of craming information as other disciplines might be.

Of course, sociology though has lead me to check out tons of books over breaks, read lots of case studies which give me a chance to get more "concrete" realistic type knowledge. But if we're just learning how to think...and I'd say the greatest lessons I've learned from William and Mary in sociology are critical thinking skills...does that make us "less" than the other disciplines?

I'm walking away from college with a lot less knowledge on specific social policy or laws or history than I believed I would...but I think I'm going to also have a different lens to encounter what I will in the future. It came up last year when I was applying for that Truman scholarship as well, realizing that I didn't have much to offer to a public policy perspective. I couldn't quote charity giving by Americans or propose a sound policy idea. And I wonder if other disciplines offer some kind of "training" that leads other people to feel confident doing that.


------

is it a midlife crisis?

or maybe just test anxiety to an extreme.........

or just senior year regrets or 2nd thoughts...........



hmmm

Absent

Well, to me, at least its been awhile since I've written on this blog....however, 3 days, of course that isn't that long.

Life's been moving a little slower around here.

This past weekend my grandmother died. I haven't had any idea what to say, because, well first, what is there to say? And second, while this is a place for personal thoughts, when I've got my family and others related watching, I feel reluctant to pour out my heart.

She's had alzheimer's most of my teenage-and-plus life, making it difficult to remember the person that she was, or her specific personality. And in someways this lacks the total-life interruption some deaths have brought to our family. But also this was sudden, when my grandfather died 7 years ago, it turned our lives upside down for at least a month. Sometimes, that feels more real.

Because of the crazed snow and ice winter weather hitting Texas this week, we've postponned the funeral--we're heading to Abilene (my parent's hometown) for a visitation and graveside service. It's been at least 2 years since I've been out there, and likely the next few times I go it will be for similar circumstances, funerals. Its a place that reminds me of older people, always associated with grandparents to me. But really, its West Texas in all its glory.

Work, work, works

Sometimes I just get tired. And then I start to lose my passion for everything.....even those things I am supposedly most passionate about.

Not even a physical tiredness.....more of a soul-tiredness. I guess they'd call that being "weary."

Well I beginning to feel weary. I sometimes feel weary when I lack a lot of social interaction and changing atmosphere as well I notice.

I've been living a routine here. Up every morning about 8:15, make breakfast. Go to the gym, stay about 1.5 hours. Drive back....sit at computer all day long. Work on LSAT stuff for about 2-3 hours. Thesis in front of the fire for 3 or so hours. Making green tea all day life. Break out the wine with the family at 5, still working on the computer. Somtimes some TV at night. Physical therapy determines the rest of the day--funny when those become some of my most-seen people. Some shopping as well, trying to spend off the gift certificates.

Nikki came home yesterday. I was really thankful for the break in the routine. And just her joy for life. I long for having a good group of girls like her to live with.....and just have "girl time" regularly. One of my friends, he would call that an estrogen-fest or something like that. But girls know what i mean....sometimes our apartment dinner can be this way. Being around Catherine and Sara can be that for me too. Our small group. Girls sitting around, laughing......saying the honest things we don't tell anyone else.....not really deep, dark secrets......but more the funny little intricacies of life. It reminds me of my mom and her "quilt cult"--they get together weekly and just enjoy life and one another.

My last Beth Moore tape started with her saying this one was just a "woman thang"--in that Houston accent of hers. There is just sometimes a deep understanding and love amongst women. Of course sometimes we are awful and catty and hateful to one another....but I think that's been one of the redemptive things about becoming more of a "real Christian"--or a 2nd rebirth, whatever you'd call it.....in the past few years, learning to live with and love women.

that entry started about one thing and became about another.....I think in tangents sometimes...but its interesting to see my thoughts flow out onto the page.....its a cleansing process.

OLD-er people

Tonight we had dinner with our neighbors from across the street. Truly wonderful people. I'd say like grandparents--but really, maybe more like aunts and uncles. Come to find out one of them is 70 years old this year!

70, well it sounds old doesn't it? And when I say that, doesn't old sound bad? But really old of course is so incredibly relative--and more based on physical and emotional and mental capabilities--and disabilities than anything else (inherent bias there too).

But I was reminded again how much I value being friends with people, or at least close to people a generation--or even a good 10-years older than me. It reminded me of the long list--I feel compelled to publish this list sometime) of the people who challenged me and changed me this summer. From people only 4 years older...to people newly married in their early 30s to people my parent's age......to be in the more-equal company (differing from the true parent-child relationship) of older people--its a priviledge to be privy to their more private thoughts and wisdom.

To accomplish this goal, I hope to join a church that is either small enough where I can't get away without knowing older people....or forcing myself to spend intentional time with the older women my said-church. I can't wait to learn from older women.

Besides, they're always just so fun. Being in the company of older women always reminds me that my best times are those spent laughing and spending care-free time with groups of good girlfriends and women......yes, some would say estrogen...or just love and mutual understanding.

Where did they go?

Today my senior Bible study experience came to some form of full-circle--my senior in high school Bible study that is.

I was a part of my church's Senior bible study which is a special bible study the senior pastor holds in someone's home for about 20-50 seniors at a time. I went my senior year and felt like for the first time I was able to express some of my opinions about faith....and begin the process of "coming into my own" in terms of faith.

Also accompanying this bible study, I did a weekly group with about 5-6 other senior girls, today I saw one of them for the first time in about 4 years.

I'd contacted her because of facebook--found out she new people I'd studied in Durham this summer. The Lord had been working on her life, first bringing her to faith....and then beginning to give her a heart for urban ministry and caring for the inner-city. It was absolutely amazing to sit there and listen to God's faithfulness......and how it had worked out in her life. And of course, it was great to hear we had some similar passions, given our upbringing and home church.

This was also significant because I don't have many Christian friends at home with which to discuss issues of faith....I can talk issues of social justice to death....but to think of them in terms of God and the holy spirit working out fruits of change in our lives....well it hadn't been a part of my experience until college. It gave me so much hope to find someone here who spoke with that kind of conviction and obvious knowledge and personal experience with the Lord.

It often makes me feel so confident and inspired to see other Christians willing even to speak the name of Christ, or name the Lord....the LORD and to attribute action to him......because duh, he acts! But it takes a lot of courage to actually say that: "God is changing my life" "The Lord is doing a work inside my soul".......these can be very brave things to say.......often people think you're crazy........what kind of person talks about God that way........well someone who knows him and knows that he can do....that he can be the subject of a sentence and the do-er of a verb.


--------
Well then this evening I went with my senior in high school brother to our church's current senior bible study. It was so interesting to see these seniors living out so many of the similar experiences I had at that time......listening to the pastor give out his opinions......not too many people challenging what he says or asking too many questions......how different that seems from college to me sometimes.

Muddling with Western Medicine

So for all of you who have seen me hobble around tiny-Tim style this semester.....taken me to get MRIs, X-rays (thank you janelle), or given me ice-packs or ankle braces......I think I have finally figured out the source of my pain.

As originially suspected, I do in fact have anterior compartment syndrome....often only found in cross country runners, I had a very successful trip to the physical therapist today which showed this. (basically my calf muscle was tight....caused the front shin to be tightened as well, pulls up the bottom of my foot and makes walking hurt....and in turn, all of it more tight and painful).

But why does having an "answer" signal completion to me? I just now have some actual stretches to do....and some more physical therapy before this all gets settled out. It is not complete at all.....I just now have some language to use.

Is it because of human nature's need for some sort of clarity....or is even that itself a western concept, looking for an "answer" or "diagnosis" that makes medicine into a I have a problem...you have an answer....boom, fixed! kind of mentality?

I have a lot of friends who think "alternatively" about medicine.....well as Donna Haraway would say.....or would that be some other crazed technocrat....?.......well to look at medicine outside of the scientific model or to get out mindset into thinking of medicine as just as faliable or potentially uncertain as any other "soft science" or thing in life.

I think before this time, I've felt like no one really understood me or was really listening to what was going on.....so maybe in that way this also touches on patient-doctor interactions....Well regardless.......I think there's an end to all this madness.

Personal Life Published

So when I was at urbana....probably during a time when I was intentionally seeking out some quiet, alone time.......I got cornered by IV news/press something I don't know. Regardless, as a random sampling, somehow I got chosen to be interviewed about my experiences at Urbana.

I thought it'd be a single quote......nope a whole little article.

http://www.intervarsity.org/news/hearing-the-still-small-voice-of-god-at-urbana

Book: God in the Flesh

This book was a Christmas present. If I didn't know better, I'd take it as an insult....however, those who love you must discipline you as well. (the book addresses this issue as well, funny enough)

This book, again, as many other pieces of Christian literature, considers the character and personhood of Jesus as central. Until Jesus becomes the center of our thoughts and actions....we're missing the mark. Well aren't we always missing the mark......

But looking at Jesus and how he's represented in scripture, the author talks about the "black letters"--how people respond to Jesus and what he does. Its a very interesting look at the Bible.

Some examples....(common reactions and representations of Jesus):
~~"They were caught in amazement"....in the complete otherness of Christ
~~"They worshiped him"....the question, is it the real Yahweh inside of us?
~~"He spoke we authority," they became silent
~"They fell down before him"
~~Jesus's compassion: gentle, humble, weeping
~~They brought the sick to him
~~They left their nets and followed him

Book: In the Name of Jesus

This book, short but impactful, includes a lot of Henri Nouwen's reflections on Christian leadership.

I don't quite understand his story yet--but as far as I can gather, he made a big decision a few years ago to step down from his position at Harvard to live and pastor a community of disabled individuals. I think it intersects with a lot of current literature on community---but also on downward mobility.

He discusses some of the major temptations Jesus underwent--the temptation to be relevant, the temptation to be spectacular, and the temptation to be powerful.

His discussions of how living with the disabled changed him are very challenging to me. They are not impressed nor really care for all of his lifetime accomplishments and ideas.

His assertion over and over that the best Christian leaders are those who know God best, have come near to God. The best a leader can do is pray to be closer to God. Again, humbling.
--all our great, intriguing opinions mean nothing if not rooted out of a love for Christ, from Christ.
--leaders are as vulnerable to their people as their people are to them.
--all things are better when done with others.

Welcome back at Church

Between Christmas Eve and Urbana, I didn't get much of a chance to go to church "as normal" until yesterday.

I'm always surprised coming back in college how different it is from high school. For one, the staff has changed and there's a new contemporary service that really appeals to me. But more or less.....not too much has changed.

However, now I feel unmistakenly known--and liked. Its almost odd. It's mostly odd because I'm well-regarded because of my differing--often opposition opinion.s

I went to the youth room where my brother was already talking to one of the staff members about myself and my father...probably about politics or something. Suddenly I had an invitation to teach a senior high school Sunday school class--and come to bible study with my brother this week---to help bring up "the other side" so he said. We talked about the narrow-mindedness of many of the youth of our church....engendered by their parents or the political climate of Southlake, I'm unsure.

Instead of going to the contemporary worship service, I went to my father's Sunday School class. This class is called "the Journey," meets in an outside temporary building--my father considers it to be the "Old Communist" meeting....or essentially a meeting of the dissenting White's Chapel minds. Its taught by the same man who invited my father and I to the local Democrat's meeting about a year ago. This--you must understand--is fairly radical for our area.....and especially our church.

This day in class we were going through current events--the one we didn't get to was on the Wren Cross (how ironic!). Coming up soon in the class is a discussion of the 700 years of peace in Spain when Jews, Muslims, and Christians coexisted there without war. They go through current events, talk about other religions and also mostly unsuccessfully--avoid politics.

Somehow in this circle I'm also highly regarded. Probably because of my father....his own little protege, I have strong interest and a lot of knowledge about Sojourner's and Jim Wallis. The teacher even asked a couple of questions directed at me (the class is mostly people 50 and older). Oh, and when this class finished, they decided to push off the begining of the series on Spain's 700 years of peace.....for me to teach next week.....yipee. This time I get to talk about the New Monasticism research I've been doing though. This should be a good opportunity---as my advisor says, practice is the only way I'll be able to ever wrap my head around what I've learned.

And on another note at church--I got an offer to go to New Orleans with the church next week for a mission trip....probably too expensive for me right now.....but it would've been cool to go with other adults for a week and serve with people from my church.

For all the times I felt out of place and confused at church in high school, God is affording me a lot of reconciliation and welcoming people to help pull me back in.

Book: Savage Inequalities

This Jonathan Kozol book paints a picture of what schools look like in 5 of the most struggling urban centers in America--East St. Louis, Il, San Antonio, TX; Washington DC; Camden, NJ; and New York City.

What strikes me about this book is that its 20 years old. And even last year and this year I've been to some of these places....and the conditions have not changed. Does that mean his writing meant nothing? That we as a people just don't care?

How does real change take place? Kozol paints a heart-wrenching picture of what life is like for children living in these poor areas, going to these schools recognizing that they are living in squalor (thanks to television, if nothing else).....but what is the response? I found myself at first reading thinking I'd some day want ot be a sociologist like him, write books that shock people and change the way they think about urban poverty.

--but does that change anything? Is the only preaching to the choir? How often do we like to sit back and hear the interesting points of socioeconomics and poverty that create a place to look like it does....but never back it up with our words or actions to change the face of a community? I am constantly struck by my pervasive social sin.....how my own prejudice often prefers to continue to live in ignorant bliss....and read of the "other world"---but to go and invest my life, love, time---and joy there.........actions do speak louder than words.

book: New Friars

New Friars considers some of the similarities amongst groups of young people who are choosing to move into the poorest places of the world as missionaries, bringing hope and aid to people in need.

This book was not what I expected. I was surprised to see a quite lengthy discussion of the causes of poverty in this book, identifying slum poverty as "intractable poverty."

I was a bit disappointed to see that Scott Bessenecker felt he needed so much time to justify to us the economic, social, historical, and biblical reasons for caring for the poor before actually describing how people were doing it.

Regardless, there were some good descriptions of the trials of incarnational living abroad....the dificulty of leaving family and friends, living without modern conveniences, getting married later in life.

However, knowing my experiences from this summer, I know that these movements to live incarnationally.....driven by the spirit of God....are not all youth movements, but drawn from a diverse spectrum of people. I'd liked to have seen some discussion of the differences of life in Bangkok's slums for single, young Dave versus the married couple with kids from Klong Toey.
I felt left with a lot of questions regarding what daily life was like....or if that was even relevant.

This was a good attempt though at starting to characterize a new Christian approach to social change, a dissatisfaction with political options and full-fledged life support towards loving and living amongst the needy.

Family and a Wedding

So I've not been so good about keeping up with the blog this time around? I don't know if its lost its novelty--or if I've before just relied on writing when I've been out of town. However, I am convinced that everyday life can in just as interesting, so I will try to show that more often.

However, back to my usual self, I'm writing about a trip.
Houston, Texas

I drove down to Houston this Friday and back Saturday afternoon for 2 friend's from Bangkok's wedding.
I spent Friday evening with my cousin and his wife on the outskirts of town. Its amazing how you can be related to someone, spend important days of the year with them and still never really know them. I was a bit surprised to see some of their approach to life. I often found myself talking to him like I'd talk to any person I was I'd just met at school---and found to be a little too "cool" and crazy for my style....but I was still attempting to get along, using the lingo I could and laughing at what seemed appropriate. It wasn't overly awkward--just eye opening and a different side of family than I'd seen before that point.
Regardless, after some drinks at home we went out to the Rice Village where I'd been with A. Rachelle before to an Indian restaurant and a bar. Interesting to see what the "scene" is at age 35 as well.


The wedding Saturday morning was about 30 minutes from their house (still in Houston, its like LA, just huge) at a Chinese Lutheran Church. I hadn't realized the size of Houston's China Town. The man getting married was Chinese American, nonetheless.
--It was a very special, community wedding. It was obvious that a lot of the members from the church had come out and considered this to be a very important event for their church community.
The reception was also beautiful....I got to sit with 2 girls from Carrie's law school and 3 people from their Ethiopia Trek (including the director, director of my Trek as well......got to do an alumni study on people coming out of that program....all doing amazing things!).

Some funny faux paus that wouldn't have worked in any stressed-bride wedding.....but because carrie and irwin are so low-key.....we all just laughed.
---the candle girl couldn't get the candle to stay light...so someone chased her down the aisle with a lighter.
---no bible on the pulpit to read the bible passages...a guy from the band gets up and hands it to him....funnier than it sounds
---they each had the wrong ring...there was a tricky switch around before the vows
--irwin starts repeating his vows....looking at the pastor....who then turns and tells irwin..."tell her, not me"

good times with good people

long drive to and from....but definitely worth it.

since you've been gone

Since I've been home.......well not too much going on, but in 3 days....
--major Gilmore Girls marathon
--a dentist trip
--started a gym membership for the month
--filled out applications
--cookbook and grocery shopping and lots of exotic vegetarian cooking
--read a Henry Nouwen book and another book about community

Urbana: highlights

Urbana is a 5-day missions conference sponsored by InterVarsity. This year it took place in St. Louis Missiouri.

some interesting highlights:
--a lot of talk about the global church, considering the church to be global, not bound by any nation or culture
--focus on the city, understanding our place in the city
--book of Ephesians
--powerful talk from IJM Sharon Cohen
--discussing issues of racial reconciliation
--running into two people from communities from this summer and two people from Kids Accross America
--a great talk with a girl from a community in Minneapolis

seminars on:
~Jews and Palestinians: Is Reconciliation Possible?
~African Amerians and AIDS
~Biblical Methods for Fighting Injustice
~Encountering God in the City: creating service experiences in the city

Christmas Eve services

I have a tradition, maybe its unusual, but probably not.

I like to try out area churches on Christmas eve, lots of churches. In the world of marketing-oriented churches, Christmas Eve is actually a wonderful time to "check out" a new church. Consider it, they put their best face forward, showing what sort of new programming is coming out--and hopefully you get an authentic feel for what the church would actually be like. Last year I hit up one mega church a couple days before and 3-4 the day of christmas eve.

However, this year with an out-of-town football championship (gone until 3pm on Christmas Eve)....my chance to go to marathon services was thwarted. I made it to the Fellowship mega service Thursday afternoon....quite in advance, and a 7:30 & communion at my church, followed by a 11pm midnight Presbyterian mass.

Its starting, however, to reek of "spiritual bulimia"--as though going to hear one more person's take on the "real meaing of Christmas"---or take in another candlelight singing of Silent Night---or even the 3 times I took communion last night (they accidently served me twice at my own church, opps)....as though that's really going to translate to a significantly closer feeling to God. Quantity won't always translate to really getting through my thick skull.

However, some of the themes from various services...
Christmas was God's way of descending the stairs, in all ways "with us"
Peace is what all of us are longing for and want most in life, Christ offers this
--and heard a great family friend(pastor of Pres. church) tell his testimony

Football Fantasy?

So yes, again for the 3rd year in a row, 4th out of 5 consecutive years....my high school (Southlake Carroll) has again won the state football championship. One game lost in 5 years.

Is that totally unreal or what? Bragging aside, how do high schoolers grow up never experiencing losing? Some television program started calling it the greatest high school football dynasty in history--come on, little over the top.

At my house, we've watched the replay tape of the game about 2-3 times already in 24 hours home. The head coach, 7 years at our school, is leaving for college ball starting in January--the new head coach at North Texas. To live in a place where the head football coach is a local celebrity, featured on television with a special and the New York Times.

Not to say I'm not loving every minute of it (mom, who thinks I'm always talking down about my hometown), its just crazy.

Wren Cross Controversy

Begin the "name drop" gesture.

I believe this whole debacle to be largely silly and over-blown.

But push-come-to-shove.....I spoke in front of the Student Assembly in favor of Nichol's move to remove the cross from the Wren Chapel.

then I wrote an article about it too: http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1149192227824

-yea, super-fun.

12/19: book: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell

I started reading this book with two wonderful women in my life about 10 days ago.

We've had a great time, deconstructing his arguments and understanding his call to "repaint" our view of faith and be flexible in our theology--remembering that Christ remains central. But also recognizing that every generation that claimes to have "found it" in terms of Biblical interpretation, etc....is just as culturally influenced as the one that came before.

Basically, before I'd read it, I decided it was more of this post-modern Christian genre. Basically true. However, its always good to continue to be challenged. And I'm continually challenged by recognizing that this whole post-modern, deconstruction thing....is a very new idea for some people....and that's ok.

12/20 Reflections on first semester senior year

Life, of course is busy. I, however, have an awful memory. Maybe its the blessing for us achievement-oriented types---the ability to constantly forget what you've just finished, never able to be comfortable, always needing to strive for something more.

However, in my relentless pursuit of doing new things and keeping my life moving, I often forget where I've been, what I've learned, and what kind of amazing blessings have fallen (to use an interesting verb) into my life.

So, to help myself out a bit, starting over a year ago, on my plane ride home from school I pull out my calendar and make a list of all the major events of my semester (new relationships, major conversations/thought patterns, major events). Its been an awesome time of praise each semester.

Highlights from the 5-page list of major events of 1st semester senior year:
-volunteering with Alzhiemer's seniors at Williamsburg Landing, George Marble a wonderful ex-navy man who told me many times about his boats
-speaking about Zaccheus at New Student Retreat for Intervarsity
-3 new girls in Yates cont. Bible study
-month on 1 crutch
-Living with three amazing women
-First percussion concert of college
-nights at the Ho House karyokee
-Hancock Pledge class social at the Leafe: alphabet game!
-an engaged roommate
-Catalyst conference and a wonderful group of older people from rural Tennessee
-Brian Lewis speaking at InterVarsity
-IJM Food and Justice panel
-Getting my "ebeneezer" ripped from my face
-Senior Class Gift affairs
-Getting to meet some new/unknown before amazing members of the class of 2007
-Trips to: Atlanta, Petersburg, Ligonier, Washington DC

Songs of the semester: Taking the Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks
Painting Pictures of Egypt, Sara Grooves

Thoughts/Revelations:
-Christianity and politics: can we be involved? is anarchism Christ's way?
-the reality of downward mobility: somewhere along the line taking the way against the world stops being sexy and starts being hard and actually downward
--focus on your strengths: is this really a Christ-like way of thinking about ourselves? our ministries?--looking at what we're good at and learning to get even better at it?
-How do you continue to challenge and come alongside people who you've been in long relationship with?
-deconstructing the individualism of Western christianity....where have we infused individualism into the message of Christ?--considering how often people claim "calling" as a reason to make decisions/go or not go somewhere...is this valid?
~however, where are we going so far to forget that Christ loves each of us and desires transformation for each of us?

12/19 Book: "Girl Meets God"

Lauren Winner. Could she be the only mildly acceptable "emergent" Christian female writer? I know I'm forgetting others...but really, where are the women? We've got Donald Miller, Rob Bell, Shane Claiborne, Brian MClaren.....where are the girls in this "conversation?"

Well, needless to say, I love Lauren Winner. Either its her wit or her amazing ability to mix the reverent/irreverent without a second glance....the woman experiments with orthodoxy, first Jewish then finding Jesus. She talks about blending her identites.....while of course always being funny enough to discuss her Southern Jewish heritage, latest boyfriend, or confessional.

I know some of my friends didn't like her "Real Sex" box; however, I found this to be not only the most helpful but also most revelant sexuality/dating Christian book I'd ever read.
--I've met her, I think we could get along.

12/13 Life falling into place?

Ever start to feel like life is falling into place, like people are finally starting to understand you? That life is starting to line up?

Is it weird I feel those feelings and feel the weariness that maybe its all too good to be true? All too right? Has the Christian fatalism within me forced me into thinking when things seem to slide into place, that suddenly things are too easy, requiring no work or effort from me? That of course, the story always ends with God forcing in a 180 turn.

Today I walked around a struggling neighborhood in DC. For one, it seems wrong to say the word struggling when I don’t know anyone living there, I’m completely basing it off of judgment calls. But let’s just say the world would call this a struggling place. And somehow it felt right. It felt like another version of what I’ve found in other places, a slower pace pervades in an often fast urban culture. Feels like this could be a more established community versus what pushes around DC everyday, interns fighting for a place, everyone dressed in all black, rushing around town.

12/13 Christian Hippies #8

location: washington DC
These people possibly are this next iteration of this “new monastic” thing. Maybe what will follow once people get overexcited by Shane’s book. What happens next? How will they go about changing their lives?
What I’ve encountered in DC is a growing community of people who are searching out what it would look like to live these values of community and social justice in their everyday lives. They’re considering moving in together, I stayed with 5 already sharing a home. They’re figuring out what kinds of neighborhoods they want to invest with, where those will be and how long they can commit to being there. The community is growing. I stayed with 5 but I met another 5 at least and have heard of at least 20 or so more.
So what comes to mind for me, if there is this growing community of people here in DC just incited by reading this book….what does the rest of the country look like post-Irresistible Revolution? Is it the impact of a book? Probably not in comparison to the spirit of God moving among people looking to live out faith in a different way.
But how to tell them that not everyone looks like the Simple Way? So many people are living in multiple homes, are married and singles together, or just married couples….what about all those that have jobs outside the community, actually, in fact almost every place looks like that.

But for the first time, probably because I wasn’t walking in the “I’m I college, wanting to study you” mode, I felt like I could be a visionary for them, a partner in what they’re doing. Could I join completely and feel uninhibited about that? Not yet, but maybe in time.
It felt like a community of people, people that I could get along with, be friends with, who could support me in life, or at least would try.

12/11 The Long Way Around

“I could never follow.” Here I sit, back in my element---on a train, headed to where I’ve never been before. Now listening to my battle cry, my hymn of life these days— Dixie Chicks, “The Long Way Around.”

The song strikes me for many reasons. For one, its about not taking the regular life path, being willing to “take the long way around” in order to get—well, maybe not to any end at all. There is some part of me, deep inside that resonates with an adventurous spirit. I think its hidden somewhere down deep, beneath my fears of leaving home, my fears of leaving what I know and who I know and love so much. But in me is a person who loves all things new—once I’ve been torn apart from what I know.

This morning I took my one and only final and now am hoping on a train to check out a community and see a few friends in Washington DC. Its uncertain. It was hard to leave. For one, a good friend of mine is leaving after this semester, so the notion of leaving, and never knowing if I’ll ever see them again—its sobering. In some ways it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to deny this spirit inside of me.

What drives me on? Especially being someone who is so quick to become content and committed to a group of people. How will I ever reconcile these wrestling spirits inside of myself? I wonder if its an overwhelming love for being where I am—or at least I know that tonight when I am in my new location, I will be in a completely different mindset, the fears and heartbrokenness inside of me will subside.

The train moves on, I got on it and here I go. Goodbye friends—I hope I’ll see you again someday.

9/24 She's back again

So I've wrestled over and over whether to continue the blog past this summer. It was supposed to be for reflections about life on the road and seeing and meeting many new people.

So two points come up.

A: is it pretentious to think I really have something to say on a regular basis?

B: Is it short-changing life to only think I can have interesting thoughts when on a journey?

I think all of life is a journey, so I write on.

Reflections on the New Monasticism and the communities of people I have met and continue to become more and more a part of......
they have challenged me to rethink my life and my response to social justice, Christianity on campus, how I spend my time, and of course the luminous "what comes after college?" question.

Currently I am considering:
-anarchism?
~of course this comes well-versed with strong ideals of hoping sometime in my life God will let me be a voice of representation for those who are oppressed.....that I could act as an advocate. Is it possible outside the governmental system? I'm not sure.
~I see this query ending in me just learning to be always wary of politics and putting hope in some sort of earthly higher power.

-the value of being small
~the idea that when things get large, ministry, groups of friends, ideas about ourself....we're often off-base and headed down the road that we're guiding ourselves to, not god.

-life is process
~life is of course a journey, a constant reflection on what is to come, learning from mistakes and continuing on. I don't need to know where I'm going 30 years from now, I need to figure out maybe this week. Nehemiah was the cupbearer for a foreign king for decades before he was called on to be the Rebuilder of a City. How I'd love that job title....or life calling.



-----Good things about being a senior-----
*Loving on my friends
*Attempting to learn how to be "in the moment" more, present with people
*making time for people

I sing songs about Texas

Location: Southlake, Texas

Short life update, I left Camden Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning I went to a wonderful service at Sacred Heart Catholic church in South Camden, a beautiful community lead by Father Michael Doyle, a famous local activist. It was so vibrant, alive and loving. Very different from Renaissance, but surely community as well. It kept getting better and better. There was a concert at the end from the Psalters...and I got to know some great Urban Promise summer interns. One girl had a similar story in her "journey to camden," lead by the UP workgroup guy reuben at least a year ago as well.

Two other girls let me join them as they walked the streets to say goodbye to kids. That was such a wonderful different view of the city, watching them really greet people/be friendly, not afraid, seeing kids run up to them. It was also hard though to see where these kids play (outside of an abandoned house/liquor store......the air smelling again of mixed sewage/factory bacon smell/trash.......there's no escaping, its suffocating).

Since Camden, I spent a couple days with Janelle and others. Sunday evening we went to Rebecca H's church for the summer, a great young vibrant community that she's really loved. Rachel hung out until the next day and then Janelle and I went to Ellis Island museum which was very interesting. We'd come in expecting to see all the horrors of immigration discussed to find a very positive side of it all....made us think about the framing of ideas in one light or another.

Back home Wednesday evening in Texas finally......mexican food stops of course, Chipotle and Anamias of course. I've learned how to make some other forms of mexican food in anticipation of a kitchen in ludwell.
It's also been great to be back, feel the 109 degree heat---not totally sarcastic....there's nothing like a texas summer night, 93 degrees currently, humidity only 41% is beautiful.

I've also gotten to get back together with a great friend from high school I hadn't seen in almost a year, again, always amazes me that all in all we're not too different. Gosh I think about what Laura Newkirk says alot of times......that she'd love to have all the people she loves be together and know one another, to be around all the time......what a dream, but I wish I could take this friend with me, along with so many others that i've met and have them with me always.

Dreaming? Isn't that what weddings are for? Or maybe heaven?

Christian Hippies #7

Location: Camden, NJ

I've come "full circle" some people said to me as I told them I was coming back to Camden for my last set of interviews, and that I would be ending both my tour and my project here in this location.

First, its weird to be back in this city. There's some kind of energy here, something about this place that draws me in. I am sad I am inside at a computer, yet its the kind of place that confuses me....for me to just go sit outside, for instance, is not really an option here. There is the park where the drug dealers and alcoholics sit, when I walk the streets people assume I'm a prostitute (as many white girls in the neighborhood are), there are no restaurants or places even to buy things that I could casually enter. It is not an easy place to engage with.

However, I am still drawn here. I had an odd situation trying to get a cab to come down to this section of the city. For starters, I got into the cab and forgot (because it looked like a regular car) that in most cabs the passenger sits in the back. The guy driving the cab seemed taken a-back that I would sit next to him and try to talk to him. He also questioned why I wanted to go to that part of the city, he said he'd pegged me for a Cherry Hill/Collinsworth or some other place kind of person. I joyfully told him I was here to see a few friends.

Is it possible to seek out a career in evangelizing the public to the fact not only that places like south camden exist....but also that there are real people there, with real lives?

So down in Waterfront South area, after settling into the Fellowship House, I went over to where two members of the community were living. We did the interview in stages and several locations, taking time inbetween to see a "yes...and!" production at Urban Promise headquarters. This morning I went to the larger house next door for my last interview (at least I think).

By this point none of the questions change, and I've become very accustomed to the rhythm of the interview, for the most part, people's responses don't shock me maybe as they did before. I have to be careful not to let out information about other places too much and also to keep from leading the interview in a prescribed direction of any kind.

One question that did come up this time was the "sustainability" of living life in Waterfront South. Its a difficult area, there aren't places really to play and enjoy. Camden is Camden, its not like other cities where people say there are certain sections of town "you should aviod"--many people feel they should avoid the city entirely. That attitude hurts my heart, but its not surprising. Some are beginning to question if they can grow old here, have children here, plan to live out life in such an intense neighborhood. Many of the other communites are not in such extreme areas, this some see as part of their sustainability.

However, who will go to the Camdens of this country? Somehow its actually become kind of trendy and sexy to come see what its like here, spend some time around the communities here......but I think we all know that feeling won't last. Is this whole new-monastic thing about coming to the abandoned places of this country.....or is it more about community living.....discovering "another way of life"......or pursuing the kingdom of God........not that any of those things are necessarily mututally exclusive either.

I am trying to discern what it was/is that keeps this place and these people so fresh in my mind. I would say its the slant on the really abanonded places of the world that was the initial spark....but even that comes into question. Some say its the overly enthusiastic young people who want to come to Camden, only to find out maybe they can't last that way for life.


But still who will go for us? Who will He send?

New England Adventures!

Location: New Hampshire/Maine

On Monday evening I met my good friend/new roommate Rachel Berryman in Newton, Mass for the beginning of our tour-de-New England.

Yes, some of you have commented/asked. What is the facination with New England? Don't most people want to tour Europe? Or road trip out west?

I'm not quite sure what the initial facination and thoughts were....but part of me wants to see if I could make it in this part of the country....but another part of me just wants to find out what life is like here or what people are like.....or what its like to live in a small state that needs to find identity in something.....yea that's just my blabbing, I don't know, I'd never been this far north, so whatever.

So Monday we had dinner in Wellesley with a girl Rachel went to Prauge with.
Tuesday we headed into Maine, saw a light house, walked a rocky beach/Marginal, Way in Ogonquit(sp?), saw some cute shops, and ended out at Kennybunkport, George Bush's summer home (furthers North to date....and it came with a Texas Flag!)

Wednesday we went to the White Mountains in Northern New Hampshire, hiked for 3 or 4 hours, saw lots of waterfalls, and took a scenic drive on the Kankamangus Highway across the park area (would be beautiful in the fall, with leaves), and contemplated sliding on rocks. We ended off with some "Yankee Barbeque," a bit of an odd choice but alright nonetheless.

Thursday we had another beachy day in Portsmouth, NH. We first had some blueberry pie, wandered around a cute downtown area.....then sat out at the beach for a couple of hours. We got in the water for a few minutes and came out numb.....water, maybe 60 degrees?

In the inbetween, we've been staying with her great family in Dover, New Hampshire....they feed us and let us sleep in their home....and they're great travel agents too! It's been great to spend time with a family and feel included in that too.

The summer of hospitality never ends........well especially when you spend you life bumming from one person's porch to the next.

Christian Hippies #6

Location: Springfield, Mass.

Each time I write one of these kinds of entries I am frustrated by how from the outside these people appear to be subjects that I am constantly observing adn then comparing or theorizing about. It's so difficult to convey that each of these communities are filled with people that i have actually come to love and know, hopefully in a deep way(anyone from a community reading....shout out time!)

Maybe it's the feeling that we can share our faith with one another or the knowledge that I am interested in similar ministry--or maybe its just the nature of interviewing, asking difficult and personal questions. I am filled with nothing but an overwhelming, overflowing sense of love for these people, their struggles. I identify with as much as I can and want to meet their needs. They have deeply changed me.

As time goes on, I see myself prcessing more adn more fo what this time looking in on other people's lives and ministires...and how looking at this will change me as a person. I actually had a couple of poeple ask me how I had been changed this time. I think I gained a little bit of new insight.

I struggle with the idea of community, that people would actually be in need of other people--that maybe I might need people too. If you were to ask me, the best way to go about doing this communal living in mission thing, I woudl say is to take me and a few peopel simialr to myself as far as being nighly motivated and really productive people, and then we can maximize our resources for optimal results. Sound like a business plan? Yep. God doesn't really like to do things my way though.

I'm beginning to realize that many people end up im community because they need it, because they are weak---this coincides with the realization that maybe I myself am weak. Bigger is not always better. Jesus' dream isn't always America's of more, faster.

Could I live here? Could I live in any place I've seen? Would I want to? How long would I accommodate strangers or would I just avoid and be stubborn, not wanting to really be vulnerable? Why can't they all just live as though they are living alone and then work together.....

I really connected with one girl here. She numbers among a few choice individuals who I found to be actually turning the questions around on me--by surprise! At least two people this time wanted to see how I was handling all this information personally, what I had been learning about myself this summer.

I listened to the way she spoke about coming to learn from her community here and it facinated me. She was so honest, so heart--felt. Part of me heard sound-bytes, loving the way she phrased things. But to reduce her experience to sound bytes or quotes would be belittling the experience now, able finally to sit back and just soak in what she was saying. I almost started to cry at one point....but then, snap! Remember, I'm the interviewer here!

Nasty Me

8/6/2006
Location: South Station, Boston, Massachusetts
Just about the time in life when I start to believe that I am well along on my road to “sanctification,” or slowly becoming more Christ-like, God decides to expose to me some of my darkest, dirty parts of myself.
Recently this has shown up in the form of Amtrak Trains. Somehow, most every time I get on an Amtrak Train I will inevitably be late to my destination—and not even making it in the new estimated time of arrival as well. It is scary to see the anger/impatience/brooding that goes in inside of my head as I wait, wondering if I will ever get where I am supposed to be. Yes, I know, I can wait and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the situation—but it still leaves me bordering on being furious.
For instance, now I sit waiting still in Boston for my train to Springfield—we were supposed to leave 50 minutes ago. I do not know when we are leaving, and to make matters worse, we are not sitting in the station any longer, we are sitting on a train that is not moving.
I find myself recounting all the times this summer when I have used this form of transportation, I remember as I rack up cases against Amtrak, that of the 5 trains I’ve used this summer so far, 4 have been late. I guess I hate calling whoever is picking me up—especially when it’s someone I haven’t met yet/seen in a long time, and announcing I will be seemingly inconveniencing them even more than I originally intended.
But still, I would expect myself to handle this situation well. To put it out of my mind, to understand there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this and thus to choose to take advantage of this extra amount of time to catch up on reading or sleep or something—but instead I see my own ugly, angry self, funny how I reflect on it each time, really never seeing myself get this way in any other situation. It’s humorous but it’s also a great reminder of how far I am from being the person I want to be—how I can continually surprise myself with how I treat someone or think about someone or do something “completely out of character;” however, times like this make me acknowledge that no, I am acting in character at this moment, as nasty as it may be.

Good times and Friends

8/5/2006
Location: Boston, Mass.
General update

The past couple of days I’ve had the privilege of visiting several new places and getting to catch up with several people.

On Thursday I ventured for a day trip to New Haven, Connecticut to visit Yale University to check out the law and divinity schools. I’ve always said gothic architecture and I don’t really agree very much, I couldn’t go to Princeton or Duke, for instance. However, I’ve found Yale to be quite beautiful. There’s something about its location in the middle of New Haven that’s really appealing to me as well. Its interesting how what you think you want changes over time. The law school was abandoned and I could only pick up a brochure. The divinity school on the other hand, threw out the red carpet for me, complete with an admissions counselor to talk to, a nice woman to give me a walking tour, meeting several students and a ride to the train station. I don’t know what I think about the concept of divinity school however, as far as what the purpose of the whole thing is. I can understand seminary as you need it to work in some churches, but the whole M-div thing seems a bit over-intellectualized for me at this point in my life.

Friday I came into Boston and met up with Greg’s friend Katie P. Sometimes Greg jokes (I think) that he doesn’t like us to get together because we gang up on him. She’s a great girl, tons of fun and a really relaxed kind of person. Sometimes I wish Greg’s friends were my group of friends too. They, at least when I’m around, give this great air of being all fun all the time, hanging out formally and informally, all different kinds of personalities. Makes me want to move up closer to here to hang out with all of them more. Katie and I went to this Oyster place for lunch, very touristy, the place where both JFK and John Kerry awaited their election results in this restaurant. I had raw oysters, definitely a little weird. Now I’ve had sushi before, but oysters…..ummm, let’s just say I’m doing fried the next time around.

Friday evening I got together with Nicole Bucheri, a good friend from high school in Southlake who now goes to Boston College. Its amazing to me to see how much sometimes we can be like our friends and not even know it—Nicole and I both hold this overachiever, activist spirit inside of us. She’s informed and cares a lot about fair trade and ethical eating, its really refreshing to spend time with her and realize we’re interested in reading the same books for instance like The End of Poverty by Jeffery Sachs. Nicole is very brave though and seemingly not attached or overly sentimental like I can be—she’s taking off a year of college (she’s a year younger than me) and going to volunteer in Argentina and probably work for another NGO. It was great to see her in her environment at school as well.

Saturday Nate Nichols came and picked me up from BC. We spent the afternoon in Boston wandering around some more. It was great to do more of the sweeping tour, getting a great last day in the city—over time Boston and I continue to get along more and more. We saw the public library (beautiful!), the water front, a hip-hop performance, a festival for a saint in the North End and lots of general historic sites. It was great to wander around and spend some time with Nate, he always has either such a diplomatic or well-thought out ideas on most of life. Its interesting and helpful to hear his perspective, funny when I can tell he’s drawing my opinions out of me as well though (its that Soul Talk thing at work).

Justice?? On Campus

8/4/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island

I’ve done a lot of thinking lately about what it means to think about justice/social action/buzz word of choice when on a college campus. I guess I keep thinking its time to start being more innovative or really just more transformative or loving in our actions. What does the word “missions” really mean anyway? I guess people start talking about cross-cultural issues when it comes up. But what does cross-cultural look like on a college campus? Does it mean seeking to stand up for those of a different background or ethnic group or economic class on campus—is that what it looks like practically?
Right now it looks a lot more like creating socially-conscious individuals. But I sit around and think, this isn’t really different. It doesn’t seem to be exactly what Jesus wants from us. I think he wants us to learn to love him and others more. I guess the closer you get to Jesus the more you’re going to love what he loves—people who need help would fit into that category.
But how does this work? I see so many times how we, meaning the “social justice” type Christians just become Christians who read the newspaper. Is it really costly and transformative to think about world issues? Or problems in America, families not having enough money. I think it probably is transformative to start feeling like God does care about these things, and so we probably should too.
However, I am continually struck by the lack of relationship and seemingly real opportunity to love others that are different from us when we go about “social action” in this way. When I read an article about the political issues involved in Darfur, am I loving those people? What about if I send up a prayer about them? Is that enough—now there’s a dangerous question, of course God doesn’t “expect” some count of actions from us.
But what would it look like for us to throw out the term social justice—for one, it alienates about half the Christian community that get scared about the political sound of the word. What would it be like to instead only talk about loving people.
However, that’s just talk—what would it be like to actually enact that love for other people. How can we go about doing missions on a college campus—especially if missions are supposed to inherently be about being cross-cultural.

I feel like I’m really reconsidering the approach of both IJM and Intervarsity to missions in light of so many of the missionaries I’ve met this summer. Many of them dislike the idea of doing “something big,” when we start thinking large-scale always (balance always, large scale is possible sometimes) we start to put the power into ourselves, losing humble, small faithful actions that are everyday. Instead so many of them decide to move into a struggling neighborhood and start doing what they can to love their neighbors and build relationships.

No, I’m not thinking we should all find a struggling neighborhood in Williamsburg and move in. But what would it look like to do missions differently at William and Mary? Does it mean demanding a fair wage for all the workers on campus? Counseling a friend who’s been sexually assaulted?

A speaker at Sojourner’s conference challenged us to stop appealing to people’s intellect or ideas, always going for academic facts or shock statistics or attempting to get people to care off of the “gut reaction” feeling that they should—it’s the right thing to do. She instead said it’s best to go for someone’s heart, when it hits the heart people become passionate on their own. Does only experience do this? A friendship? A short-term mission trip? I’d hate to think it always has to be that way.

God calls us to a different way of life, seeking after Him and his kingdom, isn’t that the point? One group I’ve visited this summer talked about how God’s bringing his kingdom to earth and sometimes we’re lucky enough to get to experience the kingdom coming—almost that we fall into an already moving stream of the holy spirit acting out redemption on earth. “Another world is possible” some say, a way where love is paramount above achievements or advancements for social justice or leveling out the economic situation of the world---and sometimes those two things intersect. I continue to mull over what it would be like to think differently about what it means to act out in love, not just to think about help as an abstract concept.

Comments welcome, this is definitely coming out in mid-digestion mode. Excuse my run-on sentences and half-considered thoughts. Verbal processor at work here.

What New England is teaching me

8/3/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island

I think I’m beginning to see some of what New England had to teach me about my faith.

I’ve seen a picture of Christian unity in New England unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Maybe its because they have smaller numbers, maybe its because somehow they’re all oddly friends. But it’s really refreshing to find that the church I’ve gone to is connected to Christians who come from other states to a weekly bible study, some of which who go to Brown University. And at Brown, some of these students are in a Christian Fellowship lead by people I’ve met as well—who also happen to be close friends with not only some of the Christian hippie communities but also are friends with a girl who ended up at the same church small group led by another wonderful church couple. Hard to follow? Its like a big web.

So many people I’ve met here in Providence have said that people in Rhode Island aren’t welcoming and its really hard to make friends because people have the same friends for most of their lives here and aren’t interested in new friends.
Well for one, I haven’t met a lot of native Rhode Islanders so my observations are probably highly skewed. But all of my non-Brown interactions have been almost opposite of that idea.
I’ve never felt so welcomed and loved and accepted as quickly as in the Christian community here in Providence. Reminds me that the church/God/ Christians are all actually supposed to be a part of the same body—connected in some mysterious way.

I think the people here really seem to understand that. They know that even though they only met me 5 minutes ago, we are already family, already somehow connected—so they embrace me like family, love me like family, invite me over like family. There is no suspicion, only love. They’re excited to hear about how the rest of the body—maybe I come from the hand or the toe or something—but they want to know how the rest of the family is doing, they’re thrilled to get to share life with me for a month and then pass me onto the next part of the body for safe-keeping, we’ll see each other again sometime.

"Random?" Conversations

Ever made an appointment to talk to someone, then get there and realize you frankly have nothing to say? Well, in that case there are two options: admit your fault and leave, tail between your legs....or option B: start talking and attempt to appear relevant.

Well I had 3 appointments today all in a row that had about that same format.

First conversation was with a religious studies professor at Brown. I'd been encouraged to go "check out" the department. I'd already seen the website, knew their focus was on antiquity and basically things I'm not really interested in nor have background with.....but I went anyway. So now I'm sitting in front of this woman attempting to tell her why I came to see her. Oh dear. Well first I say I am thinking about graduate school in general, she basically tells me that this isn't for me because I don't have the kind of background they would want (aka in religious studies, of course).
So seeing this meeting falling apart before my eyes, myself trying to make a graceful exit....I decide to ask her about her own research interests--salvation! I've had this same tactic before, been in the middle of a visit/meeting/etc and realize that it is completely not relevant to anything I care about....so instead I decide to take it as a chance to get to know this person. Interesting to do when they think you're there to find out about something completely different.
---So in the end we had a very nice conversation about senses and smells in relation to religious experience. She'd written a book on it. Sounded actually very interesting to me. Conversation 1 saved.

My next meeting was with the Brown-Co-operative housing group. I just wanted to see the house and get a chance to observe what non-religious co-housing or communal living would look like. This is an odd thing to tell someone you're interested in.....yea, I wanna just wander around your house. So getting to the house, I met one girl who seemed a bit confused about why I'd come.......so suddenly I decided to tell her about my "research project" on co-ops....not exactly what I'm doing, but at least didn't leave her staring at me like I was crazy anymore.

If nothing else, this resulted in a chance to really ask some great questions and get to know a new person as well. At that point I knew i wasn't taking notes or holding any agenda of my own....so why not? ask this girl how long she'd lived there, her major, and her experience living in a co-op, her personal struggles, whatever. Interesting how coming in as an outsider/researcher can land you license to ask people personal questions like that sometimes. She told me all about the conflict going on in the house, spilling about somone who kept referring to the housing situation as Germany before WWII. Seemed a bit out of my line of questioning, but interesting nonetheless. Regardless, what first seemed like a horribly awkward conversation, trying to explain why i wanted to wander her house (really just personal interest), suddenly became a good discussion on sharing living space.---Conversation #2 saved.


So next I was expected back at the Religious Studies department for my second line of questioning/discussion with now the department head. You can understand my extreme hesitation at this point recognizing I pretty much have no business to be thinking about Brown religious studies department at all. I considered cancelling the appointment, wondering what I would come up with to talk about unless I simply choose to lie and talk about "interests" that were more alligned with theirs. I decided instead to go through with the appointment.

I'd had a few minutes in between other meetings to go to the library and search out this woman on the internet and see her interests. I also knew best at this point it would be better to come in appearing completely ignorant and talk about myself and see if she felt I fit the program (already knowing I didn't) than to state that for her myself. However cost/benefit analysis told me that it would be a waste of time to totally focus on what was not/could not be. So after a short discussion about how Brown was probably not the program for someone with my interests, we had a nice talk about sociology and what it meant to study religion from a non-theoretical/philisophical perspective and instead to take a more "grounded" approach. It was reassuring.
But I'd have to say my conversation twisting skills came best into use when I just asked for some of her scholarly opinion on the history of the Desert Fathers (the new monastic people like to invoke the name, but I know little about them). This became a beautiful tactic, we had a great discussion about memory/what it meant for people to look back on a "tradition" that probably wasn't complete reality....but in the construction of ideas, historical fact didn't matter as much as the ideal they were upholding. Hopefully that made sense......But still, conversation #3 saved.


Well at the end of the day, I ran across Providence twice, didn't really get any further in either discovering my future or researching my thesis....but I had some nice talks. I wouldn't call it a pointless day, I feel like my mind was somewhat expanded in the process.

Maybe that's what life just is sometimes, the sum of many great conversations. Or at least I often feel like that's what my life becomes.

Biking 30 miles

Location: Providence, RI to Bristol, RI
Tuesday in the "excessive heat" warning throughout Rhode Island, myself and two RA friends took a 30 mile bike ride. It was tons of fun. The scenery was wonderful, views of the Naragansett bay and many people's gardens and fields, all culminating in Bristol, Rhode Island's ocean views.

Essentially I was impressed with all of us for making it through the entire day! And one day later, I'm not really sore either, probably should've gone faster!