Christian Hippies #6

Location: Springfield, Mass.

Each time I write one of these kinds of entries I am frustrated by how from the outside these people appear to be subjects that I am constantly observing adn then comparing or theorizing about. It's so difficult to convey that each of these communities are filled with people that i have actually come to love and know, hopefully in a deep way(anyone from a community reading....shout out time!)

Maybe it's the feeling that we can share our faith with one another or the knowledge that I am interested in similar ministry--or maybe its just the nature of interviewing, asking difficult and personal questions. I am filled with nothing but an overwhelming, overflowing sense of love for these people, their struggles. I identify with as much as I can and want to meet their needs. They have deeply changed me.

As time goes on, I see myself prcessing more adn more fo what this time looking in on other people's lives and ministires...and how looking at this will change me as a person. I actually had a couple of poeple ask me how I had been changed this time. I think I gained a little bit of new insight.

I struggle with the idea of community, that people would actually be in need of other people--that maybe I might need people too. If you were to ask me, the best way to go about doing this communal living in mission thing, I woudl say is to take me and a few peopel simialr to myself as far as being nighly motivated and really productive people, and then we can maximize our resources for optimal results. Sound like a business plan? Yep. God doesn't really like to do things my way though.

I'm beginning to realize that many people end up im community because they need it, because they are weak---this coincides with the realization that maybe I myself am weak. Bigger is not always better. Jesus' dream isn't always America's of more, faster.

Could I live here? Could I live in any place I've seen? Would I want to? How long would I accommodate strangers or would I just avoid and be stubborn, not wanting to really be vulnerable? Why can't they all just live as though they are living alone and then work together.....

I really connected with one girl here. She numbers among a few choice individuals who I found to be actually turning the questions around on me--by surprise! At least two people this time wanted to see how I was handling all this information personally, what I had been learning about myself this summer.

I listened to the way she spoke about coming to learn from her community here and it facinated me. She was so honest, so heart--felt. Part of me heard sound-bytes, loving the way she phrased things. But to reduce her experience to sound bytes or quotes would be belittling the experience now, able finally to sit back and just soak in what she was saying. I almost started to cry at one point....but then, snap! Remember, I'm the interviewer here!