“I could never follow.” Here I sit, back in my element---on a train, headed to where I’ve never been before. Now listening to my battle cry, my hymn of life these days— Dixie Chicks, “The Long Way Around.”
The song strikes me for many reasons. For one, its about not taking the regular life path, being willing to “take the long way around” in order to get—well, maybe not to any end at all. There is some part of me, deep inside that resonates with an adventurous spirit. I think its hidden somewhere down deep, beneath my fears of leaving home, my fears of leaving what I know and who I know and love so much. But in me is a person who loves all things new—once I’ve been torn apart from what I know.
This morning I took my one and only final and now am hoping on a train to check out a community and see a few friends in Washington DC. Its uncertain. It was hard to leave. For one, a good friend of mine is leaving after this semester, so the notion of leaving, and never knowing if I’ll ever see them again—its sobering. In some ways it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to deny this spirit inside of me.
What drives me on? Especially being someone who is so quick to become content and committed to a group of people. How will I ever reconcile these wrestling spirits inside of myself? I wonder if its an overwhelming love for being where I am—or at least I know that tonight when I am in my new location, I will be in a completely different mindset, the fears and heartbrokenness inside of me will subside.
The train moves on, I got on it and here I go. Goodbye friends—I hope I’ll see you again someday.
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