A New Class

So this Monday, in the spirit of trying to take only 12 credits this semester, I decided I would try out another 1-credit course. My goal originally was to get 3 1credit classes....and that would take the place of a regular 3-hr class.

So I have percussion ensemble, pilates/conditioning, America in the World--a seminar class that meets 4 times, and now Performance Art Ensemble. So yes, that's actually 4 1-credit courses. I want to get rid of one--but the one I want to be rid of--well its the one I should probably stay in the most.

I went to Performance Art Ensemble Monday night from 7 to 9:30pm, expecting to get some pointers on how to be a better musician--even getting to work with dancers, etc...but all in the context of me behind my marimba.....and without having to really do much more work. The goal here was to score some for-sure practice time for my upcoming solo performance later this spring.

However, this is not what I encountered. This class has about 20 people in it, who for one, all appear to be friends with one another--but also are very artsy-performing types. This I am not, I am a shy and reserved---well largely inhibited person. Normally this doesn't embarass me--I don't dance much, I don't make loud displays of myself. And I consider this to be my personality. And to be ok.

So here's what we had to do--first, everyone says why they're in the class. Some people are there because of music,....well me and like 1 other person, but most are there because of general art interests in certain movements, etc. I tell them now that i am shy--just to get my comment out there for my own benefit at least. Next, we need to get into partners and do something that's relatively easy that will shock people, this....well not so easy for me. I don't think on my feet. So my partner drops his pants, exposing his boxers....shocking. I sit and well do nothing. It didn't differ too much from the other displays.

The most intense part of the class we worked individually--and had to consider something that we did not like to talk about, made us uncomfortable or we didn't like. And then we had to get up and talk about it nonstop for 1 minute. This was very interesting--we had confessions of love affairs, people confronting others in the class, talk about poo, orgasms, and myself talking about why I was afraid of taking this class. That it made me embarassed that I couldn't just be free and let go and do stupid things---and its one of the things I least like to talk about--who wants to admit that they're not laid back and cool?

But what about when I'm thrown into a situation that causes me to have to reconsider that part of myself--maybe I need to learn to be able to let it loose sometimes, act and be silly a little---and in the context of performance, being vulnerable to criticism....instead of just around friends as I would usually consider myself to be silly or uninhibited.

This class began to represent much of what I have spent my past 3.5 years being validated at NOT being...I am organized, scheduled, precise, opinionated--and well, put together. I have succeeded at doing the right things, at the right times....and climbing the social and otherwise campus ladder in other ways. But this was all called into question--the fact that I have an excell spreadsheet of my life---well, that will not make me a more successful student in this class. I'd venture ot say I'm the only one in there who walks around with such a thing.



SO I'm not completely sold--in some ways it feels like a waste of time, like an immature use of 2.5 hours....but I know that it will challenge me deeply to sit through this weekly....and stand up and put myself out there, attempt to act, or speak or sing......it will be hard. So maybe I should take it......even if it does require me to be in 13 credits instead of 12.