Church Hunt

In earlier posts I've said that I've actually found two churches in DC--I split my time between two congregations--an gospel-style Catholic congregation in Anacostia and a non-denominational, contemporary congregation that meets in movie theaters near Georgetown University.

While this is true--when I'm back in Southlake at White's Chapel I'm struck with how not "mine" these churches--and the church I went to in college was.

Will I ever be able to really be involved in the community of a congregation like that again? Especially now that I'm in a ministerial occupation--I feel so stretched thin, especially when it comes to ability and free time to lead evening or weekend activities.

But being home, I think about how my family has really invested in the life of our home church--for one we've been going there since I was 10 years old--soon to be 13 years. We went to Sunday school, did Vacation bible school, I was an accolyte, I worked in the church nursery, was the receptionist for awhile, active in the youth group, mission trips, my mom teaches Sunday School, my dad's a communion server, my mom's in the choir, we usher and serve communion. While there are certainly more visible, involved families--a large portion of our life's energy goes into that place. Even when things happen there we don't like (as will happen in any church situation)--we don't leave, we commit to being part of the change.

But getting to that place took a lot of energy. Maybe it's because we were a family--my parents worked on a generally 9-5 schedule, making them available for weekend and evening functions. They didn't get this involved in a church until they started having kids--it's a place for kids to grow up in (that's a whole other blog topic on what we go to church expecting to "receive"--but for another day). But I don't want to be someone who doesn't commit to a church significantly until I have children--that could be over 10 years!

But I see myself caught in a difficult place--I want to know people at church. I want to have the time to do that first.

But also I want to know that I've chosen the place I want to settle down and commit to sticking through difficult times, being part of the change again. But now, when I go to two congregations--and really have no friends in either--it's difficult to think I'm in a great place ot start making those decisions.


But then given my job--working nights, being gone weekends and long school breaks--will this ever happen? It speaks to larger issues of having trouble getting involved really anywhere or making new friends or even getting to know my housemates.
-But really my job effects my choice in church in more than a scheduling dillema. This is where I'd start to take issue with someone who is so thoroughly convinced that InterVarsity is not a church--it is a gathering, a body of believers. And I am appointed to help shepherd this part of God's flock. Or something like that.

And beyond that I'm heavily involved in a community--the community of my house--and the larger network of DC area community homes. I see that really as my church congregation if anything--I have leadership and contribution there--but it's not a formal organization, there's not a weekly meeting in a specific building.

It's somewhat like a relationship--you have to commit and see it through. At this stage it looks like a lot of time and alot of work--and when I can see some of the later stages (my church in southlake)--it's hard to remember what the beginning was like....

But still I have trouble when pondering how this fits in with my parachurch job and community living?

Please comment! email! anything!

Sharing Stories

I'm back in Texas now, having ended my first semester as InterVarsity staff at Georgetown University.

Being at home so early in the holiday seasons, I've taken most of this past week to devote to visiting donors who helped get me "on the field" in DC.

I spend most of the day making candy and cookies to bring people people and then about 4:30pm set out in the car to visit people all around town!

It's been an awesome week--going around sharing stories of the semester.
I get to talk about the bible studies I'm a part of, how i've gotten to help out at the elementary school down the street, share the struggles of life transition, answer questions off of my blog or emails, have people pray for my spiritual development and ministry.

But actually my favorite part of the whole things has been hearing other people's stories.

I wonder sometimes if it's the title of my job as a "religious" profession that allows people the license to talk about God in a more explicit way than they would otherwise--some might say that's just the holy spirit working, opening up two people to hear his presence period.

But regardless, many people I visit take the time to tell me about how God's been impacting their live this year--how they've seen changes in their family, felt God move in dreams, been impacted by encounters in their neighborhood. I've heard about all kinds of mission work as well--an orphanage built in Cambodia, family mission trips to a racially divided town in the deep South.
I sit back sometimes and think that people might look at these visits and think--wait, weren't you supposed to get a "report"--almost financial accountability of what's been going on in the ministry all semester? Sure, I get a chance to do that some--but what really interests me is seeing how God's impacting the lives of people here in Dallas just as much as people in Washington DC.

They say it to us over and over again in InterVarsity training "fundraising is ministry....fundraising is ministry." Sounds like they're right.

Since I last wrote

Since I last posted, I've done some traveling and made it back to Texas.

My last weekend in DC we had a Georgetown visioning retreat for InterVarsity.
The students looked at a lot of materials, prayed, and found a vision they would get behind for the coming semester. Current goals/vision includes focusing on prayer, increasing student involvment and leadership, and inviting more friends to fellowship events.
It was a very successful day and it is exciting to see them all be happy and energetic about this vision!

After that, I went to a WM alums party at Tom and Sara's apartment, great to reconnect with that crowd!

Sunday after church at St. Theresa's, my local Catholic parish (where the priest is on the board of Sojourners!), I got an interesting visit from some friends of the Catholic volunteers down the street. I classified them as "Christian anarcists"--because of all their anti-politics talk. They want to start a Catholic worker house that serves more as spiritual renewal for those people out "serving in the field" more.

Monday through Wednesday of last week I went to another installment of New Staff Training--this time on New Student populations. We talked about how to expand our InterVarsity chapters to include different kinds of students than we've included in the past.
My coworker and I focused on Catholic students and athletes.
My favorite exercise we talked about looking for "glimpses of the gospel" in the cultures and actions of our student populations. For instance, when talking about trying to include GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered) students in our fellowships--one staff person talked about admiring the group's willingness to be unashamed in their identity. This is something we would want Christian students to feel more about claiming their faith.

Thursday we had a spring break bible study planning meeting at our house, talking about several sections from Luke.
I left early to volunteer at International Justice Mission (www.ijm.org)'s annual benefit banquet. I got to bring 7 students and friends alongside me. During my time at William and Mary I was heavily involved in a campus chapter of IJM. It was a lot of fun to connect students to some of the people working for IJM and other justice-related careers. One of my students had never heard of IJM before! That was a lot of fun to see her discover it for the first time.


Friday was my last day on campus. Friday evening we had our staff Christmas party.

Early Saturday morning I flew back home to Texas.

Being home has been great.......
Got to attend Nikki's graduation and post-parties.
Lots of time to bake, visit donors and get moderate amounts of sleep. I've found some free-week offerings at local gyms I'm enjoying.

I'm also starting a 4-week "back from college" bible study with students from my home church. This past sunday's first study was well attended and people really enjoyed talking about Jonah 1 and whether they were running from God. Great time!

A December Visit

I got to pop down to William and Mary for a whirlwind 36 hour visit this week.

When I work everyday of both last weekend and this one--well I decided it was ok to take my "weekend" in the middle of the week.
Beating the snow, I got down late Tuesday night.

With so many people at school, I feel like each visit I get to see either people I didn't see the time before or people I haven't visited yet all semester.
This time I got in the first professor visits all semester.

I also got to attend the alternative gift fair--one of my favorite things I got to particate with during my time at school.

Overallgood visit.

Each time helps me take a step back and realize what's going on at Georgetown IV by contrast....and how God's moving in my own life and heart. How much I'm changing--and both how similar and different college students can be from one place to the next.

Circle of Hope

While visiting Philadelphia, I visited this church Circle of Hope. http://www.circleofhope.net/blog/

I'd heard of the church through New Monastic connections--it's a church many of the "simples" in the philadelphia area attend and a favorite in "Emergent" church circles as well.

Definitely an interesting, alternative service.

The music was generally hymn-based--though some songs were in other languages--something, when I sit back, I realize I've never seen done much in a church context. (FYI: It is an InterVarsity value that in order to express and understand God's love for people of "all cultures" that we embrace multicultural worship that honors that God is God of the whole earth and all its people).

Besides that though it gave the guise of a regular contemporary-type service that--sometimes painstakingly attempts to do.

However--there was no "talk" or sermon. I found this really refreshing.

Instead someone--who must've been a leader stood up and talked about how she was going to answer a question from the "question box," probably something they had at the back of the church.
The question was "Is it easier for "N" people to come to faith than "S" people?" This was referencing the Myer's Brigg's type indicator--N people, intuitive versus S, sensing refers to how we take in information. Usually we are dominate one or the other--or on some kind of continuum. N people are more drawn to theories, overarching ideas and connections where as S people are more drawn to concrete facts and details....or something like that.

She said the question had an assumption within it that faith was something intangible and whimsical--that only those who live in the world of theory would be able to grasp it.
She said that yes, we do often choose though how we relate to God, whether dominating in the S or N territory of our spiritual lives.

Following this we did two prayer exercises---one that allowed us to use our S side, another that allowed us to use our N side.
For the S side we prayed, considering everything that had taken place that day--thinking about when we'd felt most/least loved, grateful.
For the N side we prayed, the leader read a passage from Matthew 6 3 times through, we concentrated first on a word, then a feeling, then an invitation.

After this there was a time to "talk back"--and much to my surprise (I've seen the audience participation thing attempted many times in church with no response)--people really responded, questioned her logic and arguments. How exciting! It was great to see people so engaged with the subject!

This was a great church example to see and pushes me to continue to be very thoughtul about my own church placement--not just settling but really searching out the place God wants me to be.

Thanksgiving Break

It's been awhile since I've done a general life update kind of blog entry.
Here's one.

Thanksgiving break was great. Tuesday evening I left campus earlier than any Tuesday this semester (our usual large group night has me at campus until almost 10:30/11 most weeks). I met up with a friend from elementary school who's now a bartender at the only mexican food happy hour joint near my end of DC. There I got to meet some great characters--a homeless man who sells the paper made by homeless of DC, the blind jazz singer Banana Cafe hires).

Next I got to spend the evening with a great Texas friend Nikki and her boyfriend. Along with her brother who I hadn't seen in at least a year! I'd heard about her boyfriend for a long time before and it was great to meet someone who exceeded expecations and thoughts I'd had before about him. Really great!

After spending the night at Nikki's UT housing spot, I took the train up to Philadelphia where WM roommate Janelle picked me up. We spent the afternoon hanging around Camden, NJ looking around her ministry with Urban Promise. I got to meet the old regional director of Mid Atlantic InterVarsity, dedicated administrative staff and talk to other interns--including one from Malawi!

Janelle and I took a longer-than usual (busyest travel day of the year!) trip up the NJ turnpike to her home in Little Falls, New Jersey.

While in Little Falls, we got to go into New York for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (a 2nd for me--but this time 60 degrees outside! great day!). We went to a close family friend's 25th wedding anniversy celebration which was a wonderful celebration of family and loving life together. We also spent an afternoon with Rebecca, a girl who'd been in the small group Janelle and I co-lead for all 3 years we lead it.
Just spending time with Janelle's family was great--good to see where she gets much of herself from--from her sarcasm to attention to detail and the needs of others. Hospitality is something she's learned from those closest to her.

I ended off getting dropped off by Janelle in Philadelphia for a short visit with a couple of friends there.
My friend Sean is investment banking in the city center, it's great to experience city life with him! I also got to see my friend Evan from college who's doing Americorp's "City Year" program in Philadelphia this year. They begin each day doing cheers and jumping jacks outside the city hall area of town. A lot of fun to see him enjoying this position so much and embracing the multifaceted sides of this city!

Great break!

Communicating Values

Lately I've been thinking alot about my time spent with students.

Much of my time as "campus staff" for InterVarsity is spent one-on-one with students, essentially talking. Talking, eating, listening, drinking coffee.

So either I have a very vibrant social life (which I wouldn't totally deny on some days)--or there's something else going on there--something a little deeper and possibly more spiritual than just hanging out.

But what is it? What exactly is my goal in this "relational" discipleship process?

Goal 1: build a relationship. Before any person--college student or not is going to share intimately of their personal life or spiritual being--the person inquiring needs to show genuine interest in them as a person. Interest in what their passions are, their past, their friends, their desires. There's a prerequisite of simply taking the time to listen to someone and befriend them.

But once it goes beyond this--often the waters become murky. With some wise guidance I've begun to think about the kinds of values I am imparting to others. Essentially thinking of these times with students as potential one-on-one teaching opportunities.
But what am I teaching?
I think we all teach lessons we don't always think too deeply about. I know in the past I've show people who've respected me in similar form to students now the importance of worrying about academics or obssessing about relationships, fearing the future, etc. Of course these weren't the lessons I really wanted to teach or communicate--but by talking about these things constantly--I showed what really mattered to me in life.

So this process is two-fold. One, searching, praying and seeking for what I really do value when it comes to the Christian life. Is grace something that I see as essential? I say it is. But do I live that way? Do I teach that? So discovering what values I find essential to a healthy Christian walk.

Then discovering ways to communicate these values to others. Probably this takes many formats--reading books related to the subjects (books about grace, social justice, whatever I know to be truly important), praying for growth in those areas, Asking students questions about these values--and learning to talk about what God's teaching me on each.

Maybe first I should choose a few values.....or even just one thing I'd hope students who spend time with me even after a semester would walk away having learned about being in relationship with God.

What's important to know/exercise as a Christian? open to thoughts and suggestions......

Commitment

Our community House came together this weekend and put down some of our commitments to one another.

When we moved in almost 3-4 months ago now we all came in not knowing each other before. Each of us had different expectations and hopes about what living in Anacostia and together in an "intentional community" might look like.

Over time, it's been difficult to realize that we did have differing ideas.

To start to resolve this, in the tradition of monastic communities we began to formulate a rule of life. First this was going to be a rule of life that we created together. However, over time, it's appeared that before creating one together we should each sit back and pray to consider what we could commit to personally.

We each came to our community meeting Sunday bringing a list of the commitments we were making to ourselves, to God, to others in the community house and to the neighborhood.
Over our time sharing, some themes began to emerge. Our common rule of life and vision statements will likely come from the result of this.

Major values
A. Seeking to be students of the city & of poverty
1. Regularly discussing and educating ourselves about issues facing the city, our neighbors and those living in poverty.
2. prayer walking around the neighborhood
3. volunteering in organizations that help the city
4. church involvement
5. civic involvement
B. Being Good Neighbors especially our immediately surrounding neighbors
1. Regularly speaking to our neighbors, inviting them over when appropriate, asking about their lives and sharing about ours
2. Involvement at the local elementary school
3. Financial and business investment in the area: shopping at the local grocery, using the library
4. Caring for those who care for the area: building relationships with people who serve in full-time volunteer status in the neighborhood, Simple House volunteers who care for housing projects in the area or friends who work for after school programs or as teachers.
C. Bridge Building
1. Thursday night dinners where we invite friends from other parts of the DC area to our house
2. Area college student involvement in our house and neighborhood
3. Sharing what we're learning in the area with each other and friends
4. Valuing our outside of community relationships
5. bridging the economic and racial divisions in the city
D. Community Life and Intentional Spiritual Formation
1. Active involvement in each other's lifes
2. Being present at home together
3. Commual living-sharing our finances and property with each other
4. Daily morning prayer together
5. Sunday community nights: we eat, pray, share and study together
6. Daily personal devotional time, keeping that seprate and valued
7. Regular Sabbath-keeping by members
8. Submission of personal concerns to the community

Theology of Abundance versus Theology of Scarcity

I've had this idea floating around in my head for weeks now.

I'm thinking about this idea that God is a God who gives richly, his gifts are abundant....more than we could ever ask or imagine.

However, we as people often get stuck in a scaricity mentality. Either we think we must hoard what we have or we start to believe in a world of competition rather than abundance.

Let me throw out an example. My home church.

My home church White's Chapel UMC in Southlake Texas is a large, hometown congregation. A few years ago another large church planted in town. I'm sure at the time many people were worried that the new church would "steal" all of our members.

But with a couple of years under out belts now--this has not happened at all. Both churches....I believe...have grown. Each have several thousand members.

God is a God of abundance. When we think there's a limited pool to draw from--God shows he si God of the whole universe, not just our plot of people.

With a theology of scarcity there is a belief that there is a finite level of resources and that if someone else gets some of those resources, than it means I have less. Everything is always a zero-sum game. This creates attitudes which allow us to justify accumulation and acquisition as a means of ensuring that we have enough. It also has led to believe that God rewards us for faith by blessing us with wealth and things.


In the economy of God everyone has all that they need, there is enough always to go around.

It is a theology of Abundance, which believes that God has given us all that we need. We are called to share all that we have in order to ensure that all have a share in God's Blessings. In the theology of the abundance we are called to recognize our unique blessings from God and find ways to give back that call us in to relationship with our brothers and sisters. In Matthew 25 we are told that whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers and sisters you do to me. It is clear that Christ calls us to a radical way of relating to the world through our time talents and treasures. We are clearly called to go beyond the law to a deeper sense of giving.

When we know that God gives richly, we want to give richly to others as well.
It's about trusting that when we give God will provide for us in big, more than sufficient type of ways.

look up the concept: theology of abundance versus theology of scarcity.
I'm not sure I've done it great justice here.


But I know I'm constantly finding myself falling into a theology of scarcity that's allowing me to see other ministries, people, charities as competition--and I know that's problematic!

Free School Breakfast

About three weeks ago I started monitoring the breakfast period at the elementary school down the street--Orr Elementary (about a block away).

Most of the kids in the school get free breakfast every morning as part of the free lunch program by the federal government.
During that time period each day the teachers are going through professional development. So the only people monitoring the 200-300 kids from age 3-11 are a few aides. Most disciplinary action includes a lot of yelling, blowing of whistles, etc. Not a lot of positive reinforcement going around--but also the scene is wild--imagine even just a few kids chasing each other in a small room....chaos ensues.

One of my roommates--another IV staff at George Washington University takes a couple of students down to the school to volunteer one day a week. When they were getting to know the principal they asked if there were other volunteer needs. She spoke about how crazy the kids get during breakfast. And how much she would rather have the breakfast be a time for reading quietly rather than crazy running around/getting in trouble before the day even starts.....

So enter me--I can be free from 8am-8:45am most every morning. So at first I committed to two days a week. But starting this week I've been going more often because I really enjoy it.


So several incentives here......
A. We've had trouble getting to know kids in the neighborhood--our street has only older people on it. Elementary schools are local--so all these kids live near here. I've started to see them walking by on the street, they wave, etc.
B. Short time period--I'm not super into kids....but 45 minutes is a great amount of time. lots of activity, smiles, hugs.....and they're on their way.

So overall it's been a great experience, getting to know the kids, the school, the teachers (one's Teach for America program, a girl we're trying to get to know). At first I felt like the kids were stand offish. But by now a few weeks later.....they run up to me, I'm internalizing more names every day and I'm beginning to see them around the neighborhood too.

Weighty Matters

I will be vague here. But just bear with me.

There are times--well often many times in any given day when I realize I need to be so much more a person of prayer than I am. Sometimes it's when I have an awkward conversation with a student, when I reaize that I'm just breezing by people on campus, not thinking about how their expressions really look.
But it also happens when I start to go into deeper relationship with people--that's when I remember I am not here to hang out, shoot the breeze, make friends.......I'm here to help students see God working amongst their lives. Someone shares something personal--or starts asking me really hard questions about how God intersects with life here. And--wow! I'm caught off gaurd. Time to start taking it seriously and remember what kind of responsibility comes with the opportunity sometimes to literally steward people's spiritual lives.

Georgetown Halloween

I just spent a lovely night exploring Georgetown University and neighborhood on Halloween!

Exicting because there are a lot of things that go on here for Halloween--a special showing of the Exorcist (filmed in the area) and mobs of people walking "M" street in costume.

And I even got to spend the night on campus---awesome and fun!

Jim Meets Leadership Theory

The character "Jim" from the Office: who is he? how does he fit in with Leadership models and culture, where are Christian fellowships missing students like him?

OK. So in August a fellow InterVarsity staff said that many students now want to be like the character Jim from the office--Jim isn't the boss, he doesn't make too many waves, he's an opinion leader and a generally funny and likeable guy. However is Jim a leader? What would need to change to empower Jim to be a leader?

This contrasts with another form of leadership, a more traditonal leadership model when in (at least dominant culture)....leaders are those who take risks in public, speak for groups, have a lot of self-initiative and change the direction of a group. That's probably an incomplete model....but in contrast to Jim, a way of seeing leaders as those who continue to "stick their neck out" and put themselves away from the crowd.

I believe many first year students are somewhat like Jim. When I visited last week at William and Mary several students talked about lacking the general motivation to overly involved in much of anything on campus---not only Christian organizations but also fun events or seemingly-interesting sounding campus lectures. They hear about them, they sound good---but then somehow they lacks the motivation. It seems much better to hang around where you are known, loved and well respected among dorm friends.

I think we all have times where we're like the character Jim. Many of my friends in college were like this. They valued time with one another over most everything else--organizational involvment, grades, "outside" relationships. I think this was a good lesson for me in commitment. Probably the Jims of the world--as I stretch the metaphor to oblivion--are very good husbands, fathers, friends?

This must be clarified---to be like Jim is not bad!!! The character of Jim represents a different kind of student, thus who will be a different kind of leader.

But what do we do with this person? InterVarsity and similar organizations have a strong focus on leadership development. But really--when we sit back and think critically about this type of leadership development--it's under the guise that almost anyone can be a leader.

So what kind of leader is the character Jim? Not just how he acts currently---but how could he be grown and molded into a more effective leader? Not one that would look like the boss of the group who was constantly sticking his neck out looking like a fool--but a leader that would be more true to Jim's personality? How do organizations first get someone like Jim involved (remember, he'd rather spend time with those he knows, trusts, cares for)...and retain his membership. What programming and focus makes him interested?


Where's the intersection here though? A friend of mine is doing a study on leadership development, in particular including a case study on a christian leadership conference. The theorized that maybe we have it all messed up--Christians go to leadership conferences really for reasons of personal development rather than for leadership skills. It makes them feel good--but also just focuses on making us all better individuals, more self-aware. It's all about the cultural fascination with the idea of the "self."

So we have: Jim....then traditional enterprenurial leader.
---are these a false dichotomy?
---two different people?
---part of a development continuum?
---do we culturally value or assert one over the other? In different situations?

Does Jim represent the "Bowling Alone" (famous book written recently) theory that Americans now would rather write a check to charity than participate in a bowling league?


SOOOO if everyone can be a leader....what kind of leader will Jim become?

A Prayer Place: Fall Conference 2007

I just came back from our InterVarsity Fall Conference. We had about 150 students from various DC schools come together in the colorful hills of Virginia to hear a speaker talk about Christian living--yes, it sounds broad, but it was about that broad. But not to say that was bad--he just did a really great job of hitting all fascets of Christian life--personal, justice, DC issues, school work, relationships. He spoke for each of four sessions on different Biblical people--Daniel, Ester, Ezra, and Ezekiel.

I got a little push feeling from God a few weeks ago to contribute something to the weekend. Each InterVarsity staff person from the area attends the conference and between us we do a lot of the "putting together" of the details--one person volunteers to put on the coffee, another volunteers to gather books to sell, another organizes the worship team. As the new person, I didn't volunteer for anything.

But I felt like God was wanting me to put together a "prayer room" for the weekend. I've been really blessed by prayer rooms before both at the Urbana missions conference and Orientation for new staff put on by InterVarsity. In a prayer room--well mostly it's set aside as a guaranteed quiet place to meet God. Others have gone before and prayed a lot in the room.

However, it's also a place to set aside some other forms of prayer. I gathered pillows, blankets, art supplies and candles from several staff members for this portion. The candles allowed students to light a reminder of God--or several reminders of God even. Pillows and blankets allowed students to literally "rest" with God if necessary. I also gathered art supplies. Students could write out verses, make a clay model, or create a piece of art to God. Several wrote out bible verses or prayer--complete with visual reprentations. Crosses, crowns, birds, fires, hands, hearts.

We also put up some poster boards--one with "God is" and space to add on the names of God. One with Psalm 100 and space to add things we were thankful for. Another with a generic prayer request and space to add on post-it note names and places.


Overall, I was very pleased with the outcome. Many students--especially those who were less familiar with the idea of a "quiet time" or prayer I think really found sollace in the ability to "do" prayer rather than have their mind wander or sit confused. I hope to be able to put something like it together again.

Two way Street?

The other day I let a student buy me coffee.

This isn't how these things are supposed to go--as part of my fundraising for InterVarsity, I have an expense account which I can use to take students out for coffee, lunch, buy snacks for our evening meetings, etc. Essentially, I'm supposed to be giving towards them in many ways--food, time, my love, thoughts and care.

But when she offered--I accepted. Why? Because I think I'm needing to learn some lessons about reciprocity, especially in relationships where I often want to just be the giver, rather than the receiver.

This applies to my life on many levels. On campus, I'm struggling a lot with finding that line of vulnerability/friendship/divulgance with students I didn't ever have a peer relationship with--at a school unfamiliar to me. How much do I share with them? How can I expect them to share with me when I won't talk about myself? Of course, those who know me, know I'm probably more likely to fall into saying too much rather than too little on this front.
But maybe I'm not being as open as I could be on campus, open to being blessed by students and letting them do for me.

However, when I was doing my honors thesis research I think God did a lot of work on me about receiving gifts from others. While I expected to go and listen, research and learn from each community--I never expected to be treated so well, cared for and given hospitality to the extent i was. I learned to humbly allow others to serve me much more than I had before.

But it also applies in my neighborhood. When I sit back and take a hard look at myself and my motivations. I see that often I am much more comfortable with a charity relationship with those in poverty. I give, they receive, we understand our roles and everyone goes home relatively unchanged. However, I think I'm missing something there. Before I can hope to sincerly give to others around me, especially where i live where racial and economic divisions are pronounced--I need to become familiar with a friendship, two-way relationship with those around me. What that would look like? I'm not quite sure yet. But probably rather than dolling out money or volunteer hours--it would mean asking to borrow things from neighbors, telling them my stories. Essentially the way that relatonships naturally develop.....or something like that.

Getting a Car?

Lately--at the prompting of friends, coworkers and close advisors I've been seriously considering acquiring a car.
I got back from a weekend to Williamsburg where a good friend lent me his car for the weekend. Not only was I able to stay much longer than usual--I also had the freedom of leaving at 8:30pm Friday night, and arriving in Williamsburg in almost 2 hours! During the weekend I got to see some missionary friends from Louisiana in Richmond--without the car, this wouldn't have happened.

This is something that's left me very conflicted....let me explain.

Reasons in the pro-column:
-It would ease my commute back home late nights from campus from about 1.5 hours to about 20 minutes. This would be safer sometimes--but also just improve general quality of life. Getting home at 10:30pm is much more pleasant than 12am in terms of my sleep.
-But also the sheer blessing that a car can be to others--I find often the only thing I ever need to ask others for is a ride. With a car, I could be very giving with the car--allowing students to borrow it, giving people rides to target, carrying supplies to campus, moving things from the house.

However, many reasons some together that convict me about not getting a car...
--Cost. I find it to be an issue of stewardship right now with my resources. Having a car would likely raise my monthly expenses by at least 33%--currently I have that money to spend. I probably would still end up taking the metro to work most days so that money would not necessarily all be rechannelled.
--Having my own vehicle--like the other 3 vehicles our hosue already has, would in some ways only allow me to be even more independent and evade community, getting to come and go as I please.
--parking. In georgetown, parking near campus I'd literally have to move the car every 2 hours to avoid getting a parking ticket--on a day-to-day basis this is simply not practical.
--I moved to the city to avoid having a car--at the cost of higher rent, inconvenient parking.
--Environmental issues--I am concerned about the witness of just adding another carbon dioxide producing box to the system--shouldn't I be instead buying into these systems like zipcar or things like that?
--This weekend I got to borrow a car--there are many instances, where I could enter into similar car sharing arrangements with others. This would keep us likely more dependent on others and would better utilize a resource that every single person doesn't necessarily have to own for themselves.

Just some of the thoughts swimming in my head, please add an other thoughts in the pro or con box.

Quote on Proximity and Stereotyping

I've been thinking a lot about race. It's something I'd normally not want to mention on this forum--despite my life experiences and readings, etc that have equipped me to be more comfortable talking about race....I still feel that American desire to ignore the issues, be embarassed to talk about it--or try to convince myself it "doesn't really matter anymore." However, I know this is a lie.

I've been reading a blook, "Blink" about how we should often trust our first instinct on decisions, learn to understand our snapshot thinking and hone it. Part of honing it is recognizing when our first thought is being shapped by stereotypes and judgment rather than skilled information intake.

This quote made me think about some of my aims living where I live....

"Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means that we can change our first impressions--we can alter the way we thin-slice--by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions.

If you are a white person who would like to treat black poeple as equals in every way--who would like to have a set of associations with black s that are as positive as those that you have with whites--it requres more than a simple commitment to equality. It requires that you change your life so that you are exposed to minorities on a regular basis and become comfortable with them and familiar with the best of their culture, so that when you want to meet, hire, date,or talk with a member of a minority, you aren't betrayed by your hesitation and discomfort.

Taking rapid cognition seriously--acknowledging the incredible power, for good and ill, that first impressions play in our lives--requires that we take active steps to manage and control those impressions."
-Malcolm Gladwell, p. 98

I love you THIS much

This week all the first three-year InterVarsity staff in our region (PA, Delaware, DC, Maryland) came together for a 2.5 day conference/training time. It’s called New Staff Training.

As with many InterVarsity staff events, we began with personal reflection time. At first this practice appeared a little quick to me—getting serious and spiritual from the beginning instead of waiting until the end when people’s lives had been changed by messages, ideas, etc. But now, we enter the time here hopefully centered in God and—for many of us this kind of reflection time acts as our time to do “our business” with God before engaging any other topic. Normally they give us an idea/passage to prompt us….and then give us about 1.5 hours alone with the Lord.

Today we were given 1 Thessalonians 1 which is a chapter where Paul writes to the Thessalonians about how much he loves and values them—and he gets specific. He values their works prompted by faith, labor from love, things like that.

We were then give the prompt to consider who in our lives would talk about us this way. Mentors? Spiritual guides from early in our lives? Who would pray for us in this way—thank God for us? What would they say about us?

For me, several names came up right away—a woman who’d worked at our church at home, the staff worker at William and Mary and Bangkok, a girl who’d mentored me through college. People who had watched me grow, prayed for me and I knew took a lot of joy in me. On a different plane, I’d also put my parents into this.

We were then supposed to think---wow, well these “human encouragers”—what they were/are thinking and praying about us this way was possible because they saw us through God’s eyes. What if God felt this way about us? What if God took that kind of joy in us or gave thanks for us similarly?

I had a difficult time entertaining that thought—it was hard to place myself into the shoes of those who had cared for me. Instead, I found it much easier to think on those people who I had watched grow and learn from God. I found it much easier to understand and identify with the emotions and desires I had for their lives than to consider how others thought that way of me.

During my time at William and Mary I was given several special relationships—people who I got to closely watch God work in their lives, develop them as people and transform their character. When I think of them still—I well-up with love and excitement. I love them with a love that I can’t understand, a love that supersedes what I probably thought possible. I smile when they come to mind.

I started listing the characteristics of how I felt about these people……
-deeply involved in their lives
-loved, cared for them, sought ways to serve them, cried with and for them
-believed in their potential
-strong desire for them to meet others I love…..and to understand/experience things that bring me joy or I’m particularly passionate about
-prioritizing their relationship over others
-eagerly listening to their thoughts and reflections
-patiently waited for them, waiting when pushed away, when meeting stubbornness
-keeping no list of wrongs/short list mentality—not holding any kind of grudge
-unchanging in my feelings, love not held in their performance, negative actions didn’t change that I loved them
-fight for their good, defend them when they’re not there
-searching out opportunities for their betterment
-willingness to go out of my way/look like a fool to demonstrate my love for them

And it hit me—hard. God had given me a bit of a glimpse into how he felt about these individuals, how He loved them very deeply. Possibly how a parent loves a child. And when I reflect that this isn’t exactly how God loves these people either---it’s only a very, small, small slice. My love is imperfect, often self-serving and ignorant of these people’s real needs. But God’s love is flawless and unchanging.

So step back……and consider that all these characteristics are instead a list of how God loves and cares for me. What if God felt these emotions about me? And not just when I did really “good” or had a sinless moment—but instead all the time—when I messed up, was really stubborn, or said hateful things to HIM?

Wow. Pretty radical, crazy love that is.

How does it change a person to be loved with that kind of love?

The Spiritual Discipline of Picking up Trash

Yesterday several Georgetown students came into my neighborhood to do a trash clean up.

At first I'd tried to be fancy--I called all the formal area Watershed societies and tried to set up something official, something where they would send out a staff member to share information with us. Hopefully then we'd also get a very neat project--something where we could feel accomplished at the end and really help change the place.

But in the end all the societies were booked for the date I needed to choose--and I felt God leading me again and again to simply go out and pick up trash on the street.

Several reasons--it's simple. It's also very needed--there is often---as we found trash bags full of litter lining just one of our neighborhood streets. I think it's also a lesson in humility. For one---we're cleaning up a mess we didn't make. One person reflected that this happens at Georgetown all the time--someone else cleans up our mess that they didn't make!

But one of the most significant things I find about picking up trash is that it's completely overwhelming. You can never be done. And if you are---well in two days the problem will look just like it does now again. I think it's a great lesson for social activists. A good reminder--you can make a small dent in a social problem--hunger, poverty, homelessness.......but at the end of the day, the problem is still daunting, and will likely resurface when you stop paying attention.

I don't see this as a reason to lose hope--except hope in ourselves as saviors of the world and instead to reconsider our means of social activism and social change to reflect the reality of Christ's ability to be the only one to really change the world--even if through us sometimes.

Nikki!

One of my best friends from middle school/high school/life has been "studying away" from UTexas Arlington this semester in Washington DC.

I'm sooo thankful to have her here. We've gotten to do a lot great things together--she's seen my house, I've seen her's. She came to my birthday party, we've been to a festival, and 2 concerts.

She's been the saving grace of my social life this semester.

Training Events

The past two days we've been to InterVarsity area training events.

Monday all the area InterVarsity staff members (from DC, Baltimore, Northern Virginia area) came to Baltimore for speaker training. We were each supposed to come with a prepared talk ready to give, manuscript in hand.

It was great to have the ability to focus for a whole day--I find often in staff life that we're trying to balance the needs and intiatives of an entire group of people--the fellowship. Finding time to give a whole day to something like speaking seems otherwise impossible.

We also talked about important issues--how to communicate Biblical truth about God in a way that's memorable. When we were students, what did we remember? We talked about bumper sticker phrases and concepts that stick out to us ("friends plus"...."chest of drawers"...."spiritual bulimia"). These things conjure up ideas and images for us. Using these will help our students learn....and also doesn't place all the pressure on us. One of the most important issues we discussed was who are we trying to glorify? Us? or God? When we're glorifying God in a talk--we're less likely to have to be showy or worry about being funny, likeable, etc.


This was good. Tuesday was also a good day of staff training. We met in our "area teams"--for me this meant meeting at my boss in Maryland's house along with the other 11 DC-area staff (from George Washington University, University of Maryland, Howard University, NOVA, St. Mary's). We talked about how New Student Orientation had gone, hopes for changes to make in the future.
Next--as is the InterVarsity staff way--we did scripture study. This lasted until lunch time. We studied from Genesis about Jacob---when God forms a covenant with him about the land--and when Jacob wrestles with God.
The ultimate question we came to pray about was "where in our personal relationships with God are we wrestling?"....meaning, where are we in a struggle with God, wanting for something in our lives to change--demanding that God bless us. The exciting thing was that God honors Jacob in his stubbornness and wrestling, demanding of the blessing, still blessing him and making a promise to be with him and not leave him.
For many of us it related to personal issues with staying in the job, romantic relationships, or uncertainty about placement or calling. I think I answered that I felt like I was wrestling with God over most of my life right now--the transition and hoping that God will meet me in my struggle, show me blessing and help it to work out.

The afternoon was a bit different. We talked about plans for our fall conference coming up, divided up responsibilities. We talked about potential scripture passages to choose for the spring conference.

Then we just got some significant time to pray for our campuses--specific students, issues where we felt we were wrestling with God.

By the evening we were all back to our campuses for Tuesday evening large groups. It was great to have the time away though--to get some perspective on the movement at large--but also to refocus that it's all about God's work on campus, not our own.

A Prophet

Last Thursday one of my friends hosted a dinner with his out of town friend---Stu, a claimed prophet.

I came in with little expectations and left probably feeling all things from surprise, healing, and skepticism.

He had a talent for holding a crowd and spoke to people individually and the group at-large with ease. He talked to one girl next to me about taking hold of the peace of God. I think he was talking about giving her advice to share with others--but he was also speaking to her. It as one of these instances where he would say "God has this to say to you...." Certainly more charismatic than my background.

I believe he opened with "what if I told you you never have to be stressed again?"

I came in tired and a little overworked from Georgetown. I did feel peace from God wash over me as he talked to the girl next to me about peace and letting God take care of problems in our lives.

Next he spoke to me directly. He said I could act as an agent of mercy and forgiveness at Georgetown--speaking the forgiveness of sins and acceptance of unconditional love of God directly into peoples lives. I do believe this would be one of the best things I could do on a campus like Georgetown--speak truth to people and have them feel and experience genuine forgiveness and acceptance. Displaying mercy.....

Besides speaking to some individuals he also talked alot about how God doesn't always have to work within a church building--he had many beliefs and lists about the components of true, good discipleship. I found this funny almost--I'd been praying that someone would help teach me how to disciple others--not just tell me to do it.
Here were his suggestions:
1) seeing the fruits of the spirit (peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, selfcontrol)
2)freeing people from bondage--spiritual bondage, judgment, generational inequity
3)receive the love of God openly
4) Learn that God's love is based in his relationship with you--not in how you perform
*this reminds me of my old IV staff worker's motto Grace plus NOTHING equals right standing with God.

And once we're in this process of making disciples.....not just converts, numbers, members, where do we go next?
1) teach people to avoid things that "make void" the work of God: human tradition, attempts to earn grace, human wisdom
2) teach people kingdom finances: getting out fo debt, tithe, offering
3) basic knowledge of scriptures, teaching disciples to hear god themselves
4) teach a sense of vision for the nature of the church, the function of spiritual gifts in churches
5) teach how to be a servant to God, the people God loves, the people of God


And yet after this great session with this guy helping us experience the peace, presence and power of God......my roommate and I left and talked about being stressed and tired. Will we ever take hold of what God so readily holds out for us?

Men's Retreat

Please pray for the men of our fellowship this weekend--14 went off to a retreat in Maryland.

This year several men of the group have stepped up to be intentional about gaining and retaining male fellowship/spiritual growth in InterVarsity. We are really thankful for their passion and desire to see God work in our group this year.

They are sharing testimonies tonight and talking about how to use their time in college for God and others tomorrow.

Bringing all things together

Last week in the Ephesians Bible study I co-lead with a sophomore student we were talking about how God's plan is to bring together all things under the head of Jesus.....

Essentially we were talking about large scale reconciliation in the world.....but also reconciliation in relationships, etc.

Recently, I've been feeling very torn, pulled actually sometimes into several different directions--the needs of IV at campus, the girls in my house, Anacostia, looking for a church, DC area new monastic friends, other DC area friends, taking a fitness instructor course, getting oriented to the city, thinking of when to visit my brother and family, the list goes on.....

One of my big prayers over the past few weeks has been for some unity in my life, not this feeling that I'm needing to accomplish 50 different things in a day schedule that only allows time for 30. Overextension and the stress from that are a mark and characteristic of the overcommited culture of this city and the students I see at Georgetown daily. Especially because of this, I desire to display that stress and busyness as an attitude and reality are not the only way--that there can be peace and a way through the rubble of scheduling.

Some of the ways I've seen God beginning to pull some things together in my life.....
-seeing good friends of mine from college choose the church I think will be my out of Anacostia church.
-in our community visioning meeting, we're been talking about acting as a bridge to the rest of the city that holds a lot of stereotypes about our section of town. This pulls together home, Georgetown, and some of our other friends--and begins to alleviate some of the stress I've felt about not being as involved/known in the neighborhood as I'd like. If our purpose is possibly different, the perspective can change some too.
-seeing a lot of themes of catholicism in my life--Georgetown as a catholic school, coleading with a catholic student, probably attending a catholic church in our neighborhood, making friends with a catholic volunteer house down the street.
-having a couple of friends with flex daytime schedules. Hoping I can get together with them during some of these times to keep myself sane....and from working from 9am-midnight every day without stopping.....at least mentally taking a break.
-getting a bit more time in Anacostia weekly, allowing for me and a housemate to spend time together volunteering, making connections....and possibly some day bringing down students to join us!
-starting to feel loved and respected by students....never meant to be the goal, but it is filling some of the hole I feel from being gone from William and Mary.

Sabbath "doing"

Yesterday--after an intense week of long hours at Georgetown, planning the New student retreat--and then going on the retreat, returning home to a house meeting until 11pm Sunday evening......I needed some time "off."

I'd decided to take Monday as a sabbath day for awhile. I'd also decided to take the day to go bike to Mount Vernon--a trail about 20 miles south of the city.

But all of this left me struck with how often we have the desire to accomplish something. Even on my day off.....I needed to accomplish, 40 miles of biking or so. Still, there was the sense that at least I wasn't working on emails (the biggest part of a sabbath within this job), Bible study prep or fundraising.

But still I wonder, what good would a whole day of "nothing"--praying, restoring, being, have felt good to me? What about in the eyes of God--he gives his grace freely--and I sometimes think a sabbath where nothign formal is accomplished can help remind us that the Lord loves uis regardless of whether we are working 1 or 15 hours in a day, he chooses us not because of what we can do.

I still did get some good time away from email and some time to sit and think a bit, be humbled and in awe of creation and even the life I'm living here.

New Student Retreat: one down, one to go!

This past weekend we took 8 freshman women and 4 upperclass women on a retreat to Charolettesville Virginia.
Overall, great time to get to know people and start to establish this as a core community for these freshman women.
We tried to get across a couple of key messages--and I think they stuck.
1: Jesus as LORD of our lives. Who is Jesus that we would drop everything, like Peter, to follow him? How was this man this amazing?
Beyond that, what does it mean to follow him? Does it mean attending more Bible studies or doing less "wrong" things? We suggested instead of even making Jesus first priority in our lives he should be the framework for our lives--where everything else comes from (used the chest of drawers illustration from Marty Purks at William and Mary--instead of having Jesus be a drawer of our lives--big or small, Jesus doesn't want to be compartmentalized but instead the framework within which we fit the rest of our lives--academics, relationships--into).

2: Acting as a missionary on campus--these freshman women have an amazing opportunity in college. They will spend the next few years living closely to people of all kinds of backgrounds and opinions. They can choose to love and engage those who are different--or separate themselves.
For this, my coworker created a large chart of how, in their times on campus, these girls could either "Radically Identify" like Jesus or be "radically different" like Jesus. Examples of when Jesus radically identified included when Jesus ate with sinners, wept over a loss, accepted people without judgment. Ways Jesus displayed being radically different in his time on earth included servanthood, loving "wastefully," displaying humility, and being more interested in other people than they may be in themselves.

We prayed that commitments would be made this weekend and bonds would be formed between these women that would last four years--or more.

We know from past experience that, in most cases, if a freshman can be convinced to come on the freshman retreat their involvement for the year--and often all four--is secured. It must be something about the willingness to leave with a group, put your trust in strangers, and how God speaks to people in these times we set apart.

Great conversations with women of all ages going on--also smores, ice cream sundaes and all other kinds of fun. Great time!

A "Typical" Day

I realize that I maybe haven't explained fully what I do at Georgetown. The job with InterVarsity is so incredibly varied....I think maybe the best way to do this would be to describe my schedule from the past couple of days.

This Monday:
8-9am: Chapter prayer meeting, we gather and pray for the campus and each other in a chapel on campus
9am-12pm: sit in student center on computer, doing administration: emails, detail work, scheduling student meetings, work on talk for New Student retreat, planning bible study for small group/Ephesians, and scripture study for New Student retreat.
12pm-1pm: take a break to the gym, shower.
1pm-2:15pm: lunch with a junior transfer, we talk about her school before this and opportunities to get involved in social justice related things in the city and on campus
2:30-4pm: hang out with sophomore seeker Bible study leader, hear about her background and tell her about myself and why I'm on campus.
4pm-6pm: meet with other Georgetown campus staff to discuss details of upcoming New Student Retreat, logistics.
more detail work, eat dinner
7-8:30pm: join students walking to area church and attend service with them.
--home

Tuesday:
9:30am-10:30am: home, working on administrative details, emails, small group details
10:30-11:45: commute to Georgetown by bike, stop at Safeway on the way to buy snacks for post large group meeting
12-1:30pm: gym, take a break with a senior aerobics class, shower
1:30-4pm: meeting with co-leader of small group, catch up on life, plan for scripture study on Ephesians
4-5:30pm: emails, scheduling, printing passages for scripture study and new student retreat details
5:30-7pm: attend bible study lead by another intervarsity staff on Luke 6, discuss ways we identify and deny Christ on campus
7-8pm: eat dinner, set up for large group
8pm-10pm: attend large group meeting, includes worship songs, a speaker on prayer, announcements.....hang out afterwards, make meetings with students
commute home and work on details, scheduling for rest of the week.

**These were likely busier than usual days....but a good sense of what I do on a daily basis....meetings, planning, other details work

Pete, Feet and Fish to Eat

This semester I am attending/shadowing a manuscript bible study at Georgetown that goes through the gospel of Luke.

In manuscript bible study we print off the passage, allowing people to mark up all over it--and sometimes remove the verse numbers and paragraphing of the text. We also us an inductive manner of study--we look to the text (and only the text +commentary, Bible dictionary) to "speak" to us rather than approaching the Bible already knowing what we're looking for (Bible passages on friendship? careers?).

This particular passage was from Luke 5:1-11. It was the story of Simon Peter coming to follow Jesus. In the scene, Jesus is teaching a crowd off the shore of a lake. After the teaching, he instructs Simon Peter to put out to deeper water to fish. Peter protests, saying he's been fishing all night and haven't caught anything--regardless he trusts Jesus enough to try. His nets come up overflowing.

Overwhelmed by the awe-someness of Jesus' prediction and power, Simon Peter falls to his knees and tells Jesus to "go away from him," reminicent of the times in our lives when next to God's perfect, holy nature....we find ourselves completely unworthy. We are put face to face with our inability to measure up to God's standards.

As Simon is lamenting over his sinfulness, Jesus tells him-- "do not be afraid." He then tells Simon Peter from now on he won't just be catching tons of tons of fish...but men.

The next line says they left everything and followed him.

WOW--seeing the amazing power of God (overflowing nets of fish).....Simon is first floored (go away from me Jesus!) then wants to drop his nets and follow.


When I was in high school I worked 3-4 years in the White's Chapel nursery teaching Sunday school to 2 year olds. Reading this passage this week distinctly brought to mind one children's book we had in the class--"Pete, Feet and Fish to Eat." It was essentially the story of Simon Peter's time with Jesus.

This book was actually quite inappropirate for the 2-year old set. Most kids couldn't sit through even a third of it and preferred the books about animals or those with only about 10 pages. I, however, absolutely loved this book. I cried everytime I got to the section that mirrors this passage from Luke.

In the children's story, Simon Peter is telling the story of the overflowing nets--and how seeing Christ's power left him bewildered with his sin and unworthiness. Simon Peter decribes lamenting his sin, being flat on his face before Christ........and then Jesus reenters the picture.

The line that always has me chocking up--"but he didn't care." Jesus didn't care that Simon Peter wasn't perfect and was a sinful man. Jesus wanted to use Simon Peter to tell other people about Jesus and to build his church.


It's amazing how grace can--and needs--to hit us over and over again in life. I think that's what that children's story was to me over and over again--I still cry everytime I read that line. "But he didn't care." Jesus doesn't care how awful I think I am or how completely beyond all hope I am--he stands above me, trying to welcome me in regardless, constantly even.

This message of love, acceptance and radical grace is something I want to share. Next weekend at our new student retreat as I lead a scripture study on this same passage from Luke, I plan to close reading "Pete Feet and Fish to Eat"--or at least a portion of it....hopefully 19-year olds have a longer attention span than toddlers.

My Birthday

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. Starting to get to that age where it's no longer super exciting in terms of new opportunities per year....I have cheaper car insurance to look forward to I presume.....

Regardless, I had a wonderful day. At my house in the morning during our daily morning prayer the girls prayed, thanking God for my 23 years of life--how nice! I of course received a traditional singing birthday call from my mother right at 8am on the dot...followed by similar calls from brother and dad later in the day. I got about a bazillion facebook messages.

Last night was great though. About 15 of my friends living the area gathered together to celebrate with me. Almost all were come very different social circles--the girls I live with, people from other DC communities, family, friends from high school, friends from college, coworkers. So many new people.....I had people wearing nametags!

I love the idea of having all the people I love and know well all in one space. My roommate Laura would talk about this often as a dream situation--everyone she loves, all together, getting to know each other. Of course likely the only situation we'll all experience like this will probably be a wedding--or a funeral I guess? But with people scattered across the US and the world....it always seems unlikely.

It was also a great birthday for being in a new place. I remember 4 years ago having my first birthday away from home. My freshman hall came together and really cared for me--throwing me a surprise party and everything! This showed me I did have a community of people who loved me and cared for me......even if it was a really new place....and unfamiliar all the while.

Similarly.....though DC doesn't really feel like home....being surrounded with people who know me and care for me......from as long ago as my birth or middle school......somehow it all just felt right.

Visiting the Homeland

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go back to Williamsburg, Virginia where I went to school.

I had a great time visiting friends....and remembering what it's like to really "belong" in a place. With all this transition and "newness" in my life here in DC, Williamsburg and the people there really felt like home.

Many of my good friend were out of town for the weekend which gave me ample time to hang out with my younger brother, currently a freshman. We did many freshman things--ate at the caf, went out to the fraternity parties, and hung out on his hall until 4am. He's having a great time and has some good friends. It will be a good place for him.

We even took an adventerous visit to New Town by bike....we went out for dinner for pizza followed by a movie (will's favorite activity)--Shoot 'em Up. The craziest part--the ride back....apparently there are no street lamps in Williamsburg.....yikes....biking in the dark. We'll reconsider before doing that again!

Besides some wonderful time pre-planned before with friends, I also had a great opportunity to run into people on campus. I heard about one friend's awesome summer mission experience and her difficulty adjusting back to the WM community since then. I ran into one friend who'd just broken up with someone--and I had time to stop and listen. I got to spend a lot of time with the WM InterVarsity staff worker who gave me some of the "secrets of the trade" I'd never heard before.....as well as some really key advice and goals to set out for myself over the next couple of weeks. I heard the college president share about his journey of faith....followed by an adventure to ask him for a ride to DC. Only a visit 4 days long would afford these kinds of great experiences.

Before I left a group of friends gathered to pray over me.....for my ministry with InterVarsity and for my time in DC. I felt loved and accepted.....and "sent." Thank you everyone.

Cool Christians: Where did we go wrong?

Lately I've been thinking about the kinds of social definitions and hierarchies we set up for ourselves. Especially in terms of popularity--there's a human desire to always be looking around---who's cooler than me? who am I cooler than? It's horribly unfortunate when this kind of mentality happens with Christian people--but especially when it takes place within the body of Christ itself.

In one of the lesser known Don Miller books he talks about how we all live with a lifeboat mentality--we're constantly trying to order ourselves against others (who deserves to get in the lifeboat?). I have been struck recently by how much close friends of mine (and myself) go to great lengths to describe how they are a "cool kind of Christian."

There's the whole postmodern Christianity thing. It's about showing that we're not like those kinds of Christians who were traditional, rigid, conservative. It's also the socially-aware Christian.....I'm not like those kinds of Christians who don't get justice or who think global warming is bunk or focus too much on personal salvation. It happens with the partying Christians....I'm not like those kinds of Christians who won't be in the presence of alcohol, who maybe struggle to hold a conversation, or who just aren't "fun" or popular.

We're constantly trying to show ourselves and others how we're the kinds of Christians others would like to be around. We really get the gospel. We should be the ones doing all the evangelism. We should be the ones taking over the churches, the fellowships. We should only trust those with similar opinions.

We find all kinds of social identifiers and labels for classifying who's in and who's out. We call ourselves and others like us the liberal/social-action minded/radically-obedience/"you-know"/different Christians. Those in mega-churches or with prudent behavioral choices or with seemingly prescribed theology need not apply.

I am ashamed by the depth of my judgmental nature and unwillingness to listen to and learn from those of the body of Christ who by human standards remain foreign to us.

***1 Corinthians 12:21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!"***


How I need to learn to value/listen to/learn from the parts of the body I've taught myself to despise and tell myself I don't need.

Going "Home"

If you've seen Garden State.....and if you're a sentimentalist.....you remember the lines about how at one point in life you no longer have a place to call "home" between that time you leave your parent's home until you later go on to build a home of your own for your own family. During that period of time, I'd like to suggest, the idea of home becomes very transient--and sometimes easy to define.

This weekend--or rather for the next 5 days I'm going back to one place that has been a "home" to me for the past four years--Williamsburg Virginia.

I am excited to go for many reasons. For one--many of my good friends are there. After this crazy transitional time--it is good to rest in the company and place of many people who you love love you, trust you and want the very best for you. In some ways, it was my life in Williamsburg, the small group I got to be a part of there that led to my ministry with InterVarsity.....to revisit that place will help remind me of how God has moved in my life and through me...as a reminder that, yes, I can do this thing....loving people that is.

And of course--the traitor I am, I am thrilled to get to see little brother Will thriving in his new college environment as well.

I'm buzzing with excitment...pray I'll be a blessing.....and that I won't get caught up in wishing I was there this year instead.

Biking to work

As of Sunday I've been biking across Washington from Anacostia to Georgetown. I figure the whole route is about 7-8 miles, but I'm not sure. It takes about an hour each way, sometimes less. This is really joyous because riding the bus was taking upwards of almost 1.5 hours each way.
Besides just the physical exercise of having to bike--there are huge hills in Georgetown and Capitol Hill....well, never noticed that incline before.....I also get a unique chance to see most of the major sights of the city--twice a day even. I pass by the monuments, the capitol, Watergate hotel, the Anacostia and Potomac Rivers. I also feel the physical distance and economic contrast between the area where I work (Georgetown, possibly the wealthiest section of the city) and Anacostia, the lowest-income area of the district.
And besides riding on Pennsylvania Avenue up to the capitol....it's all on bike paths! So, much to my parent's relief....it's safe! I'll be in need probably of an updated bike sometime...but for now it's even been a money savings (no transportation costs!)....I could go on and on about the virtues of biking in the city.

An Answer to Prayer--frozen yogurt?

So today on campus--having taken my usual really long walk from the bus to campus....I was dead tired. I had all of these things I was carrying.....and I needed to take those things across campus.

I prayed one of those prayers you always feel kind of guilty praying--like you're testing God. I said God--send me a student I know to come take these things from me so I don't have to walk across campus right now.

And of course--he did! Not only did I run into one of my students who was walking across campus right where the baked goods needed to be--but also she had already gotten me frozen yogurt from the dinning hall(my favorite, vanilla soft serve, hint hint).

So God not only meets needs--he also exceeds our expectations. And with the loving care that only a good friend would have. I didn't just need a resting break--I'd thrive with some good frozen yogurt.

Dumpster Diving

Last night....myself and a few friends went dumpster diving. If you are unfamiliar with the term, I suggest doing a google search. Essentially we went behind several establishments and recovered/redeemed...whatever flowery term you want to choose....leftover food that had been thrown out. Most were posted to expire today.
Great experience! For one--well the adventure is great....two, legally, we're pretty sure it's ok. But the best is the feeling of surprise....what will you get? a chocolate cake? broccoli? apple pie--4 apple pies? All of the above of course! We kept a lot of bread because that keeps very well in the freezer. I had enough muffins to feed the table of interested students today on campus.
It's a great way to make the best of otherwise unused resources--and especially to get the kind of "junk food" I'd never allow myself to buy otherwise!

Creepy Outsider

So yea. IV staff sounds just so cool. And even from the student perspective--I liked the "staff," these people seemed to have it together, conversed and interacted with non-christians well and the like.
But geez is it hard. For one, it's just simply weird when you think about it that I'm a college graduate--not even from Georgetown....waltzing onto campus every day. Maybe it feels weird because I know that most of the people looking back at me don't know I don;t go to school here.

It seems to easy to fall into the pattern of only knowing intervarsity students. What other legitimacy do I have to be here? Am I supposed to go along as though I'm a freshman again, making friends and getting involved......in my off time? Then only to later "spring" on people that.......oh yea, I'm not actually in college......I just hang out here alot.....um, yea I do get paid....well........

Also what's dawning on me a bit is how much this is throwing me into Christian culture in a way I've never really experienced before as well. In my experience, I was often the person who semi-affiliated with InterVarsity, went to a lot of things....but in some ways prided myself on my semi-diaffiliation and ability to be present in multiple communities on campus....never too deep in the Christian one. Here--well, IV is my job. Identifying with it--well that's kind of inherent.

Today when we were doing surveys on campus......(WM IV has done surveys for years, I've never directly participated, mostly as an Orientation Aide, but still).....and guess who was the one going up to people asking them to fill out a survey asking them whether they believed in God? What did they think was the greatest moral issue? Did their belief in God affect the way they lived? Would they like to be contacted about a Bible Study. Yes it works, people do sign up....however, its just not my usual position. I get a high voice....and start apologizing for what I'm doing--"It will only take a few minutes"...."Umm...it's about beliefs on campus"...."No, you don't have to give your name."

What about this idea that we're offering people "living water"--that Jesus isn't some kind of excusable, throw-away toy.....but the most thirst-quencing, life-giving, exciting thing.....well ever?!? Is that lost in this? I don't think so--but when I act like I'm embarassed to be doing it--well yes, it is.

It will be a challenge to be in many ways representing the institution in this job (must I?). I'm not sure how I'll adjust to this new kind of paradigm. I also don't think I need to feel sucked in or like I've suddenly started in some way "working for the man." How will I be true to myself? my God? My general tendency to draw closer to the non-core group people? What will this look like? Will I get bored?

A prayer for sleep....all too appropriate

Nighttime can be a time of worries....list making......I know this is true of myself and my mother especially......a prayer I found from the book of common prayer:

"Be present, most merciful God, and protect us through the silent hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this world, may take rest in Your abiding changelessness. Through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Growing up is hard to do

My parents visited me here this past weekend.....new city, new friends, new job.......new everything.

It was a mixed bag. For one, it was wonderful to see them. This past month has been all things hard, stressful, stretching and uncertain.....between moving here without a place to live, moving in with strangers, and not really starting my job until this weekend......it's not been a smooth transition. Don't get me wrong--its an amazing blessing to literally walk into a community of people here, a job I'm very excited about and a life full of a lot of potential.

I was very thankful to have my mother's shoulder to cry on, literally and express genuine emotions. So many people do not have honest relationships with their families--and I am thankful for how my parents take me as I am and don't make me feel like I have to "try" too hard ever.

Regardless, being an overachiever about life in general, I do try to do things right for them. At this--well I didn't quite live up to par. I got us thoroughly lost a few times, coupled with my bad city/tourist driving....left us all a little frazzled at the end of the day. I was disappointed things didn't quite work out right--couldn't get dinner together with all the housemates and couldn't walk around downtown Washington.

It is difficult to communicate often the honesty of the emotions I am feeling in so many of these situations so far--coupled with the realistic potential and hope I see. I know currently they are anxious and empathetic on behalf of me--I am thankful for this but also pray that I will be able to move us all into an active hope and trust that this will all come together. My job will start. I will be able to become better friends with the girls I'm living with and others. We will find some way to interact with the neighborhood.

But for now, I am thankful to have them around as a reminder that I don't always have to be put together or "on top of everything"--sometimes it's ok to fall apart, cry, complain and just plain not know what to do.

Anacostia, a general description of my impressions so far

Anacostia is the name of the neighborhood here "East of the River" as we say. The District is a small area with 2 rivers cutting from the bottom. To the west bellow the river is Virginia, to the east, the area is still in the district--it's just the part no one goes to. The sewage treatment plant is there, an army base is there.....and well the poor people are there too. But it's actually starting to gentrify quite abit. Whether I'll feel great purpose in being here in 10 years.....well we'd have to see. Anacosita could become prime real estate.

But for now its an all-black neighborhood (though i've heard rumors of another white family/group), mostly low income. There are problems with drugs, prostitution, teenage pregnancy, poor nutrition......but from where we are and what I've seen so far, honestly its a bit difficult to tell, that that's the case. Funny in some ways, knowing its here mostly by the plethora of non-profit organizations doting every street corner--but also probably some ingrained prejudice in me that somehow knows that an all-black neighborhood is probably ridden with social problems.

There are also two general sections of the neighborhood--the more business/busy area of town where more of the non-profits are, the businesses, and also more of the violence and crime. Of course, being so new to town, I'm probably missing things taking place right in front of my eyes as well. But where we are living is actually pretty quiet and residential. Most of the people on our block are elderly or have grown children--some own their homes or at least have lived here for 10years+. It is a stable area. Our neighbors are friendly--but we also don't have best friends just yet either.

The other day when I went on a historic walking tour of Anacostia the tour guide was talking about economic development in the area and how people in the neighborhood--as residents, living daily lives, want more business and retail in the area--and less nonprofit organizations. She said, for her, seeing all the nonprofit organizations gave the idea that her neighborhood was only a charity case to others, not worthy of sitdown restaurants or a coffee shop. I was really struck by this point of hers....and now living here myself....I'd have to say, a part of me agrees--with hestiance, trying to understand the implications of that opinion, but interested nonetheless.

I also went to a play in the business section of Anacostia the other day about violence against women. It was a more diverse crowd than I'd seen in the neighborhood so far, white and black people attended. My gut reaction sometimes is to think things like the arts and money coming in is bad--but then I also have to wonder what kind of progress am I really hoping for around here anyway?

Song Dedication

So my college friends are a little weird. We call ourselves WMHHA (William and Mary Head Hunters Association).....we have a weekly TTT (totally tubular Thursday)....a few videos to our name....and a yearly CD. On each CD each member of our group gets a song dedicated to them--to encompass "who they are."

Looking at this year's selection the cd-people made for me....I'm struck by how I changed over my time in college.

My freshman year Tore gave me the song: Spindoctor's "little miss can't be wrong"
sophomore year, don't know what happened
but somewhere in there I made a significant shift in my life....
junior year: I got Bob Marley's "Redemption Song"
senior year: "World's on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan

You can see.......I went from well........something else to social causes person...an interesting shift to see how my friends picked up on it as well.

A long time Stewing

About a month ago I read "Is God to Blame?" a book about suffering in the world and how we often believe/say/act as though God has placed difficult circumstances in our lives to "teach us something" or it's all part of his ultimate plan.....it's just that this one part of this ultimate plan is horrible to endure (death, natural disaster, divorce).

In some ways this book adds to the plethora of writing on the predestination/free will debate; however, it doesn't present itself as mostly trying to challenge predestination as much as challenging comments that would state God would purposely cause suffering and destruction.

For awhile, having strongly adhered to presdestination-like thinking, this book has really started to change a lot of the way I think and approach people in the world.....or at least serving as the catalyst for some of the things I've been learning over the past couple of years.

It seems easy, well at least acceptable when life doesn't go well, a relationship isn't working, an event isn't coming together....to state "well it must not be what God wants." As though we have this idea of God's plan and purpose as a large mosaic that every problem must be God's design. This is often posed to me by others as "you must be pushing God"....obviously what you're doing isn't God's will.

This book challenges the idea that we could ever really know God's will.....as though its a zero-sum game.....if something works out, bam, we're in God's will.......if it seemingly isn't working....well, of course we must be not doing what God wants. Instead the author suggests that God's will is massive, encompassing the entirety of human existence and history....for us to assume any kind of understand of that, why God made a person die for instance, is crazy.

Theological thinking of this sort doesn't come easy for me....and well, of course turning over things about God and faith you believed to be true and reconsidering them can be even more difficult, willingness to change a worldview even.


So if we're to drop this kind of fatalistic, blueprint worldview that "God causes problems because he wants to, we can't understand the great plan of God" kind of thinking....where are we to turn?

This author suggests understanding God and his purposes to resemble more of a battle-mentality. To imagine that God is out fighting for and looking for the good of those who love him. God WILL work all together for the good of those who love him....doesn't mean he necessarily caused the problem in life, but he's out to fix it and make it right. God is against, not behind, all the evil in the world. Under the blueprint worldview we learn to accept evil things as coming from God.

The author cites several instances when Jesus challenges the blueprint worldview of those around him. Jesus' ministry shows that God's will is not uniformly being carried out in the world "on it's own power"--he must intervene and heal someone, give someone back their dignity. He shows we shouldn't accept infirmies and afflictions as coming from the hand of God.

Jesus instead opperates under the warfare worldview, seeking to go out and do the father's will in the world, to literally bring the kingdom to earth. God will work on the behalf of those who love him.


There are huge implications for social action and social justice in this, instead of excusing the passivity of the church or individuals to get involved in a cause or in helping someone in trouble because "God will take care of it"--we should ACT on behalf of the oppressed, the poor, the widow. God desperately wants for their best, we should too. We are the Lord's coworkers in this battle against those who oppose him.


It also has implications for prayer. Some people believe prayer is only done to change ourselves,not change the will of God--what if this was true? Why would Jesus then say that with prayer we can move mountains? Why would Jesus then teach us to ask God for things? This shows us an urgency instead in prayer.

I haven't totally digested the portion about individual salvation--it is difficult to believe there is anything at all we can do to make a holy God "choose" us. This isn't what the author suggests, I'm just still a bit fuzz on what his arugment in this section actually is.


But this book has changed a lot of how I've viewed the world in the past month--when the house here wasn't coming together, when I was nervous about moving in--well to assume it was God obviously telling us no......just couldn't be. Sometimes good things require a wait. And conversly we could say that maybe Satan was working to not bring us together as a community here. It is difficult to fully extend and attempt to divine God's will in this situation as well. But regardless, I continue to be challenged by this book.

New in the Neighborhood

I've just spent my 4th night here east of the river in Fairlawn/Anacostia. So far I've felt relatively isolated and incapable.

It's kind of a weird thing--this version of urban "ministry." We don't have any major plans for programs, outreach events, open meals, or after school programs. Instead we want to explore just being good neighbors and loving those we come across. Sounds really nice, but what does that actually look like?

Well, I'm finding without set programs and the confines of scheduled events, it's not very easy to meet people. Now, I'm not saying I think we're going about things incorrectly and instead we need to "start" something--I just think this way of doing things is probably messier and takes a bit more time.

It is more time-consuming to build relationships than just have a giver/receiver relationship built by charities and service opportunities. There is no set beginning or end to a relationship--whereas an after school program or event gives us a schedule within which to begin and end our time together. When you're neighbors.....well you live next to each other all the time.


But still at this point, being home by myself most days....I'm finding it difficult to interact. Maybe I should sit outside more? Walk around? maybe. I'm still not over the unsettled feeling of always having people look at me when I walk around or get on a bus--the only white person in a given group.

Moved in!

In the past week....my computer's died...so I've been very slow on all my outside communication!

We moved in a lot of our things to our new home in Washington DC. It's in neighborhood called Fairlawn east of the Anacostia River. It's on a very busy/residential street with a lot of traffic, we got to say hello to a lot of the surrounding people today.

pictures and stories to follow soon.

Reading: Gandhi

This quote from Gandhi's autobiography has struck me recently.... (reminds me of many things Christians say about making vows as well).

The importance of vows grew upon me more clearly than ever before.

I realized that a vow, far from closing the door to real freedom, opened it. Up to this time I had not met with success because the will had been lacking, because I had had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt. I realized that in refusing to take a vow man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertinism to a real monogamous marriage. 'I believe in effort, I do not want to bind myself with vows,' is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for the thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty in making a final decision ? I vow to flee from the serpent which I know will bite me, I do not simply make an effort to flee from him. I know that mere effort may mean certain death. Mere effort means ignorance of the certain fact that the serpent is bound to kill me. The fact, therefore, that I could rest content with an effort only, means that I have not yet clearly realized the necessity of definite action.'But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow ? ' Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced.

Recent Events

So I'm still stinking at keeping up with this blogging thing!

But of late here's what I've been up to....

Last week, left for DC for good,
Spent a great night with Cat Esguerra in the heart of DC!
Headed straight up to New Jersey for Laura and Chris' wedding.

The wedding: It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Laura and Chris as so great....the minister went on and on about how they "got it"--and they do. What wonderful people and I can't be any happier for them and their new life together. What a blessing that we were all able to be there to share it---fulfilling laura's dreams (I hope) of having all the people she loves come together. I got to know some of her home friends--like Becky! awesome.

Next it was onto Camden, NJ with Janelle for some great time between Urban Promise and Camden House in South Camden. I got to visit my good friend Sean as he started a new job in Philadelphia quite a bit. We all went to Sacred Heart catholic church for Sunday services for a great service, I love how warm and inviting the place is.

I got to touch base with the folks of Camden House and spent some of Monday with the interns--the son of people I know from another community and several of his friends. And I got to see one of the hosue residents I've met.....well I think 3 times now! Small world!
We had a great discussion about community life, post-college aspirations and families. I was enriched meeting these people.

Monday afternoon I ran into several WM people who were working at Urban Promise for the summer--Julia, Sam, and Kelly. It was interesting to hear how different summer experiences can be from a short spring break spent in the city. I had dinner with another William and Mary alum--Mike Errion visiting at the same time! amazing! It was great to see the city "from the other side" with him.

Philadelphia was also great....yea great, great, great. But it was fun to see where Sean's living and working and spend some time getting to know his neighborhood....and walk all the way to the liberty bell! It will be a good place for him to live for the next couple of years.


Now--after a whirlwind week....I'm back in Washington, finishing up fundraising and trying to get life together here. I had dinner with family in Vienna last night---tons of fun!

Back in the city today I attended a conference on Empowering Women in the Developing world....ran into Cosmo's brother associated with Students Helping Honduras....and several Georgetown students/alums.

Currently....well my computer died at least for theday.....but I'm in the William and Mary alumni office....ironically only a few buildings away from the conference......it's a wonderful home-away-from-home.....and voila! They gave me plans to do even two things tomorrow night! Lots of fun!

A Song I've Liked Recently

Awakening, Sara Groves

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind, But disected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portait.
Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it's not hard at all. To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.
And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.