I have a tradition, maybe its unusual, but probably not.
I like to try out area churches on Christmas eve, lots of churches. In the world of marketing-oriented churches, Christmas Eve is actually a wonderful time to "check out" a new church. Consider it, they put their best face forward, showing what sort of new programming is coming out--and hopefully you get an authentic feel for what the church would actually be like. Last year I hit up one mega church a couple days before and 3-4 the day of christmas eve.
However, this year with an out-of-town football championship (gone until 3pm on Christmas Eve)....my chance to go to marathon services was thwarted. I made it to the Fellowship mega service Thursday afternoon....quite in advance, and a 7:30 & communion at my church, followed by a 11pm midnight Presbyterian mass.
Its starting, however, to reek of "spiritual bulimia"--as though going to hear one more person's take on the "real meaing of Christmas"---or take in another candlelight singing of Silent Night---or even the 3 times I took communion last night (they accidently served me twice at my own church, opps)....as though that's really going to translate to a significantly closer feeling to God. Quantity won't always translate to really getting through my thick skull.
However, some of the themes from various services...
Christmas was God's way of descending the stairs, in all ways "with us"
Peace is what all of us are longing for and want most in life, Christ offers this
--and heard a great family friend(pastor of Pres. church) tell his testimony
Monday, December 25, 2006
Football Fantasy?
So yes, again for the 3rd year in a row, 4th out of 5 consecutive years....my high school (Southlake Carroll) has again won the state football championship. One game lost in 5 years.
Is that totally unreal or what? Bragging aside, how do high schoolers grow up never experiencing losing? Some television program started calling it the greatest high school football dynasty in history--come on, little over the top.
At my house, we've watched the replay tape of the game about 2-3 times already in 24 hours home. The head coach, 7 years at our school, is leaving for college ball starting in January--the new head coach at North Texas. To live in a place where the head football coach is a local celebrity, featured on television with a special and the New York Times.
Not to say I'm not loving every minute of it (mom, who thinks I'm always talking down about my hometown), its just crazy.
Is that totally unreal or what? Bragging aside, how do high schoolers grow up never experiencing losing? Some television program started calling it the greatest high school football dynasty in history--come on, little over the top.
At my house, we've watched the replay tape of the game about 2-3 times already in 24 hours home. The head coach, 7 years at our school, is leaving for college ball starting in January--the new head coach at North Texas. To live in a place where the head football coach is a local celebrity, featured on television with a special and the New York Times.
Not to say I'm not loving every minute of it (mom, who thinks I'm always talking down about my hometown), its just crazy.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wren Cross Controversy
Begin the "name drop" gesture.
I believe this whole debacle to be largely silly and over-blown.
But push-come-to-shove.....I spoke in front of the Student Assembly in favor of Nichol's move to remove the cross from the Wren Chapel.
then I wrote an article about it too: http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1149192227824
-yea, super-fun.
I believe this whole debacle to be largely silly and over-blown.
But push-come-to-shove.....I spoke in front of the Student Assembly in favor of Nichol's move to remove the cross from the Wren Chapel.
then I wrote an article about it too: http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1149192227824
-yea, super-fun.
12/19: book: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
I started reading this book with two wonderful women in my life about 10 days ago.
We've had a great time, deconstructing his arguments and understanding his call to "repaint" our view of faith and be flexible in our theology--remembering that Christ remains central. But also recognizing that every generation that claimes to have "found it" in terms of Biblical interpretation, etc....is just as culturally influenced as the one that came before.
Basically, before I'd read it, I decided it was more of this post-modern Christian genre. Basically true. However, its always good to continue to be challenged. And I'm continually challenged by recognizing that this whole post-modern, deconstruction thing....is a very new idea for some people....and that's ok.
We've had a great time, deconstructing his arguments and understanding his call to "repaint" our view of faith and be flexible in our theology--remembering that Christ remains central. But also recognizing that every generation that claimes to have "found it" in terms of Biblical interpretation, etc....is just as culturally influenced as the one that came before.
Basically, before I'd read it, I decided it was more of this post-modern Christian genre. Basically true. However, its always good to continue to be challenged. And I'm continually challenged by recognizing that this whole post-modern, deconstruction thing....is a very new idea for some people....and that's ok.
12/20 Reflections on first semester senior year
Life, of course is busy. I, however, have an awful memory. Maybe its the blessing for us achievement-oriented types---the ability to constantly forget what you've just finished, never able to be comfortable, always needing to strive for something more.
However, in my relentless pursuit of doing new things and keeping my life moving, I often forget where I've been, what I've learned, and what kind of amazing blessings have fallen (to use an interesting verb) into my life.
So, to help myself out a bit, starting over a year ago, on my plane ride home from school I pull out my calendar and make a list of all the major events of my semester (new relationships, major conversations/thought patterns, major events). Its been an awesome time of praise each semester.
Highlights from the 5-page list of major events of 1st semester senior year:
-volunteering with Alzhiemer's seniors at Williamsburg Landing, George Marble a wonderful ex-navy man who told me many times about his boats
-speaking about Zaccheus at New Student Retreat for Intervarsity
-3 new girls in Yates cont. Bible study
-month on 1 crutch
-Living with three amazing women
-First percussion concert of college
-nights at the Ho House karyokee
-Hancock Pledge class social at the Leafe: alphabet game!
-an engaged roommate
-Catalyst conference and a wonderful group of older people from rural Tennessee
-Brian Lewis speaking at InterVarsity
-IJM Food and Justice panel
-Getting my "ebeneezer" ripped from my face
-Senior Class Gift affairs
-Getting to meet some new/unknown before amazing members of the class of 2007
-Trips to: Atlanta, Petersburg, Ligonier, Washington DC
Songs of the semester: Taking the Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks
Painting Pictures of Egypt, Sara Grooves
Thoughts/Revelations:
-Christianity and politics: can we be involved? is anarchism Christ's way?
-the reality of downward mobility: somewhere along the line taking the way against the world stops being sexy and starts being hard and actually downward
--focus on your strengths: is this really a Christ-like way of thinking about ourselves? our ministries?--looking at what we're good at and learning to get even better at it?
-How do you continue to challenge and come alongside people who you've been in long relationship with?
-deconstructing the individualism of Western christianity....where have we infused individualism into the message of Christ?--considering how often people claim "calling" as a reason to make decisions/go or not go somewhere...is this valid?
~however, where are we going so far to forget that Christ loves each of us and desires transformation for each of us?
However, in my relentless pursuit of doing new things and keeping my life moving, I often forget where I've been, what I've learned, and what kind of amazing blessings have fallen (to use an interesting verb) into my life.
So, to help myself out a bit, starting over a year ago, on my plane ride home from school I pull out my calendar and make a list of all the major events of my semester (new relationships, major conversations/thought patterns, major events). Its been an awesome time of praise each semester.
Highlights from the 5-page list of major events of 1st semester senior year:
-volunteering with Alzhiemer's seniors at Williamsburg Landing, George Marble a wonderful ex-navy man who told me many times about his boats
-speaking about Zaccheus at New Student Retreat for Intervarsity
-3 new girls in Yates cont. Bible study
-month on 1 crutch
-Living with three amazing women
-First percussion concert of college
-nights at the Ho House karyokee
-Hancock Pledge class social at the Leafe: alphabet game!
-an engaged roommate
-Catalyst conference and a wonderful group of older people from rural Tennessee
-Brian Lewis speaking at InterVarsity
-IJM Food and Justice panel
-Getting my "ebeneezer" ripped from my face
-Senior Class Gift affairs
-Getting to meet some new/unknown before amazing members of the class of 2007
-Trips to: Atlanta, Petersburg, Ligonier, Washington DC
Songs of the semester: Taking the Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks
Painting Pictures of Egypt, Sara Grooves
Thoughts/Revelations:
-Christianity and politics: can we be involved? is anarchism Christ's way?
-the reality of downward mobility: somewhere along the line taking the way against the world stops being sexy and starts being hard and actually downward
--focus on your strengths: is this really a Christ-like way of thinking about ourselves? our ministries?--looking at what we're good at and learning to get even better at it?
-How do you continue to challenge and come alongside people who you've been in long relationship with?
-deconstructing the individualism of Western christianity....where have we infused individualism into the message of Christ?--considering how often people claim "calling" as a reason to make decisions/go or not go somewhere...is this valid?
~however, where are we going so far to forget that Christ loves each of us and desires transformation for each of us?
12/19 Book: "Girl Meets God"
Lauren Winner. Could she be the only mildly acceptable "emergent" Christian female writer? I know I'm forgetting others...but really, where are the women? We've got Donald Miller, Rob Bell, Shane Claiborne, Brian MClaren.....where are the girls in this "conversation?"
Well, needless to say, I love Lauren Winner. Either its her wit or her amazing ability to mix the reverent/irreverent without a second glance....the woman experiments with orthodoxy, first Jewish then finding Jesus. She talks about blending her identites.....while of course always being funny enough to discuss her Southern Jewish heritage, latest boyfriend, or confessional.
I know some of my friends didn't like her "Real Sex" box; however, I found this to be not only the most helpful but also most revelant sexuality/dating Christian book I'd ever read.
--I've met her, I think we could get along.
Well, needless to say, I love Lauren Winner. Either its her wit or her amazing ability to mix the reverent/irreverent without a second glance....the woman experiments with orthodoxy, first Jewish then finding Jesus. She talks about blending her identites.....while of course always being funny enough to discuss her Southern Jewish heritage, latest boyfriend, or confessional.
I know some of my friends didn't like her "Real Sex" box; however, I found this to be not only the most helpful but also most revelant sexuality/dating Christian book I'd ever read.
--I've met her, I think we could get along.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
12/13 Life falling into place?
Ever start to feel like life is falling into place, like people are finally starting to understand you? That life is starting to line up?
Is it weird I feel those feelings and feel the weariness that maybe its all too good to be true? All too right? Has the Christian fatalism within me forced me into thinking when things seem to slide into place, that suddenly things are too easy, requiring no work or effort from me? That of course, the story always ends with God forcing in a 180 turn.
Today I walked around a struggling neighborhood in DC. For one, it seems wrong to say the word struggling when I don’t know anyone living there, I’m completely basing it off of judgment calls. But let’s just say the world would call this a struggling place. And somehow it felt right. It felt like another version of what I’ve found in other places, a slower pace pervades in an often fast urban culture. Feels like this could be a more established community versus what pushes around DC everyday, interns fighting for a place, everyone dressed in all black, rushing around town.
Is it weird I feel those feelings and feel the weariness that maybe its all too good to be true? All too right? Has the Christian fatalism within me forced me into thinking when things seem to slide into place, that suddenly things are too easy, requiring no work or effort from me? That of course, the story always ends with God forcing in a 180 turn.
Today I walked around a struggling neighborhood in DC. For one, it seems wrong to say the word struggling when I don’t know anyone living there, I’m completely basing it off of judgment calls. But let’s just say the world would call this a struggling place. And somehow it felt right. It felt like another version of what I’ve found in other places, a slower pace pervades in an often fast urban culture. Feels like this could be a more established community versus what pushes around DC everyday, interns fighting for a place, everyone dressed in all black, rushing around town.
12/13 Christian Hippies #8
location: washington DC
These people possibly are this next iteration of this “new monastic” thing. Maybe what will follow once people get overexcited by Shane’s book. What happens next? How will they go about changing their lives?
What I’ve encountered in DC is a growing community of people who are searching out what it would look like to live these values of community and social justice in their everyday lives. They’re considering moving in together, I stayed with 5 already sharing a home. They’re figuring out what kinds of neighborhoods they want to invest with, where those will be and how long they can commit to being there. The community is growing. I stayed with 5 but I met another 5 at least and have heard of at least 20 or so more.
So what comes to mind for me, if there is this growing community of people here in DC just incited by reading this book….what does the rest of the country look like post-Irresistible Revolution? Is it the impact of a book? Probably not in comparison to the spirit of God moving among people looking to live out faith in a different way.
But how to tell them that not everyone looks like the Simple Way? So many people are living in multiple homes, are married and singles together, or just married couples….what about all those that have jobs outside the community, actually, in fact almost every place looks like that.
But for the first time, probably because I wasn’t walking in the “I’m I college, wanting to study you” mode, I felt like I could be a visionary for them, a partner in what they’re doing. Could I join completely and feel uninhibited about that? Not yet, but maybe in time.
It felt like a community of people, people that I could get along with, be friends with, who could support me in life, or at least would try.
These people possibly are this next iteration of this “new monastic” thing. Maybe what will follow once people get overexcited by Shane’s book. What happens next? How will they go about changing their lives?
What I’ve encountered in DC is a growing community of people who are searching out what it would look like to live these values of community and social justice in their everyday lives. They’re considering moving in together, I stayed with 5 already sharing a home. They’re figuring out what kinds of neighborhoods they want to invest with, where those will be and how long they can commit to being there. The community is growing. I stayed with 5 but I met another 5 at least and have heard of at least 20 or so more.
So what comes to mind for me, if there is this growing community of people here in DC just incited by reading this book….what does the rest of the country look like post-Irresistible Revolution? Is it the impact of a book? Probably not in comparison to the spirit of God moving among people looking to live out faith in a different way.
But how to tell them that not everyone looks like the Simple Way? So many people are living in multiple homes, are married and singles together, or just married couples….what about all those that have jobs outside the community, actually, in fact almost every place looks like that.
But for the first time, probably because I wasn’t walking in the “I’m I college, wanting to study you” mode, I felt like I could be a visionary for them, a partner in what they’re doing. Could I join completely and feel uninhibited about that? Not yet, but maybe in time.
It felt like a community of people, people that I could get along with, be friends with, who could support me in life, or at least would try.
12/11 The Long Way Around
“I could never follow.” Here I sit, back in my element---on a train, headed to where I’ve never been before. Now listening to my battle cry, my hymn of life these days— Dixie Chicks, “The Long Way Around.”
The song strikes me for many reasons. For one, its about not taking the regular life path, being willing to “take the long way around” in order to get—well, maybe not to any end at all. There is some part of me, deep inside that resonates with an adventurous spirit. I think its hidden somewhere down deep, beneath my fears of leaving home, my fears of leaving what I know and who I know and love so much. But in me is a person who loves all things new—once I’ve been torn apart from what I know.
This morning I took my one and only final and now am hoping on a train to check out a community and see a few friends in Washington DC. Its uncertain. It was hard to leave. For one, a good friend of mine is leaving after this semester, so the notion of leaving, and never knowing if I’ll ever see them again—its sobering. In some ways it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to deny this spirit inside of me.
What drives me on? Especially being someone who is so quick to become content and committed to a group of people. How will I ever reconcile these wrestling spirits inside of myself? I wonder if its an overwhelming love for being where I am—or at least I know that tonight when I am in my new location, I will be in a completely different mindset, the fears and heartbrokenness inside of me will subside.
The train moves on, I got on it and here I go. Goodbye friends—I hope I’ll see you again someday.
The song strikes me for many reasons. For one, its about not taking the regular life path, being willing to “take the long way around” in order to get—well, maybe not to any end at all. There is some part of me, deep inside that resonates with an adventurous spirit. I think its hidden somewhere down deep, beneath my fears of leaving home, my fears of leaving what I know and who I know and love so much. But in me is a person who loves all things new—once I’ve been torn apart from what I know.
This morning I took my one and only final and now am hoping on a train to check out a community and see a few friends in Washington DC. Its uncertain. It was hard to leave. For one, a good friend of mine is leaving after this semester, so the notion of leaving, and never knowing if I’ll ever see them again—its sobering. In some ways it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to deny this spirit inside of me.
What drives me on? Especially being someone who is so quick to become content and committed to a group of people. How will I ever reconcile these wrestling spirits inside of myself? I wonder if its an overwhelming love for being where I am—or at least I know that tonight when I am in my new location, I will be in a completely different mindset, the fears and heartbrokenness inside of me will subside.
The train moves on, I got on it and here I go. Goodbye friends—I hope I’ll see you again someday.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
9/24 She's back again
So I've wrestled over and over whether to continue the blog past this summer. It was supposed to be for reflections about life on the road and seeing and meeting many new people.
So two points come up.
A: is it pretentious to think I really have something to say on a regular basis?
B: Is it short-changing life to only think I can have interesting thoughts when on a journey?
I think all of life is a journey, so I write on.
Reflections on the New Monasticism and the communities of people I have met and continue to become more and more a part of......
they have challenged me to rethink my life and my response to social justice, Christianity on campus, how I spend my time, and of course the luminous "what comes after college?" question.
Currently I am considering:
-anarchism?
~of course this comes well-versed with strong ideals of hoping sometime in my life God will let me be a voice of representation for those who are oppressed.....that I could act as an advocate. Is it possible outside the governmental system? I'm not sure.
~I see this query ending in me just learning to be always wary of politics and putting hope in some sort of earthly higher power.
-the value of being small
~the idea that when things get large, ministry, groups of friends, ideas about ourself....we're often off-base and headed down the road that we're guiding ourselves to, not god.
-life is process
~life is of course a journey, a constant reflection on what is to come, learning from mistakes and continuing on. I don't need to know where I'm going 30 years from now, I need to figure out maybe this week. Nehemiah was the cupbearer for a foreign king for decades before he was called on to be the Rebuilder of a City. How I'd love that job title....or life calling.
-----Good things about being a senior-----
*Loving on my friends
*Attempting to learn how to be "in the moment" more, present with people
*making time for people
So two points come up.
A: is it pretentious to think I really have something to say on a regular basis?
B: Is it short-changing life to only think I can have interesting thoughts when on a journey?
I think all of life is a journey, so I write on.
Reflections on the New Monasticism and the communities of people I have met and continue to become more and more a part of......
they have challenged me to rethink my life and my response to social justice, Christianity on campus, how I spend my time, and of course the luminous "what comes after college?" question.
Currently I am considering:
-anarchism?
~of course this comes well-versed with strong ideals of hoping sometime in my life God will let me be a voice of representation for those who are oppressed.....that I could act as an advocate. Is it possible outside the governmental system? I'm not sure.
~I see this query ending in me just learning to be always wary of politics and putting hope in some sort of earthly higher power.
-the value of being small
~the idea that when things get large, ministry, groups of friends, ideas about ourself....we're often off-base and headed down the road that we're guiding ourselves to, not god.
-life is process
~life is of course a journey, a constant reflection on what is to come, learning from mistakes and continuing on. I don't need to know where I'm going 30 years from now, I need to figure out maybe this week. Nehemiah was the cupbearer for a foreign king for decades before he was called on to be the Rebuilder of a City. How I'd love that job title....or life calling.
-----Good things about being a senior-----
*Loving on my friends
*Attempting to learn how to be "in the moment" more, present with people
*making time for people
Friday, August 18, 2006
I sing songs about Texas
Location: Southlake, Texas
Short life update, I left Camden Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning I went to a wonderful service at Sacred Heart Catholic church in South Camden, a beautiful community lead by Father Michael Doyle, a famous local activist. It was so vibrant, alive and loving. Very different from Renaissance, but surely community as well. It kept getting better and better. There was a concert at the end from the Psalters...and I got to know some great Urban Promise summer interns. One girl had a similar story in her "journey to camden," lead by the UP workgroup guy reuben at least a year ago as well.
Two other girls let me join them as they walked the streets to say goodbye to kids. That was such a wonderful different view of the city, watching them really greet people/be friendly, not afraid, seeing kids run up to them. It was also hard though to see where these kids play (outside of an abandoned house/liquor store......the air smelling again of mixed sewage/factory bacon smell/trash.......there's no escaping, its suffocating).
Since Camden, I spent a couple days with Janelle and others. Sunday evening we went to Rebecca H's church for the summer, a great young vibrant community that she's really loved. Rachel hung out until the next day and then Janelle and I went to Ellis Island museum which was very interesting. We'd come in expecting to see all the horrors of immigration discussed to find a very positive side of it all....made us think about the framing of ideas in one light or another.
Back home Wednesday evening in Texas finally......mexican food stops of course, Chipotle and Anamias of course. I've learned how to make some other forms of mexican food in anticipation of a kitchen in ludwell.
It's also been great to be back, feel the 109 degree heat---not totally sarcastic....there's nothing like a texas summer night, 93 degrees currently, humidity only 41% is beautiful.
I've also gotten to get back together with a great friend from high school I hadn't seen in almost a year, again, always amazes me that all in all we're not too different. Gosh I think about what Laura Newkirk says alot of times......that she'd love to have all the people she loves be together and know one another, to be around all the time......what a dream, but I wish I could take this friend with me, along with so many others that i've met and have them with me always.
Dreaming? Isn't that what weddings are for? Or maybe heaven?
Short life update, I left Camden Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning I went to a wonderful service at Sacred Heart Catholic church in South Camden, a beautiful community lead by Father Michael Doyle, a famous local activist. It was so vibrant, alive and loving. Very different from Renaissance, but surely community as well. It kept getting better and better. There was a concert at the end from the Psalters...and I got to know some great Urban Promise summer interns. One girl had a similar story in her "journey to camden," lead by the UP workgroup guy reuben at least a year ago as well.
Two other girls let me join them as they walked the streets to say goodbye to kids. That was such a wonderful different view of the city, watching them really greet people/be friendly, not afraid, seeing kids run up to them. It was also hard though to see where these kids play (outside of an abandoned house/liquor store......the air smelling again of mixed sewage/factory bacon smell/trash.......there's no escaping, its suffocating).
Since Camden, I spent a couple days with Janelle and others. Sunday evening we went to Rebecca H's church for the summer, a great young vibrant community that she's really loved. Rachel hung out until the next day and then Janelle and I went to Ellis Island museum which was very interesting. We'd come in expecting to see all the horrors of immigration discussed to find a very positive side of it all....made us think about the framing of ideas in one light or another.
Back home Wednesday evening in Texas finally......mexican food stops of course, Chipotle and Anamias of course. I've learned how to make some other forms of mexican food in anticipation of a kitchen in ludwell.
It's also been great to be back, feel the 109 degree heat---not totally sarcastic....there's nothing like a texas summer night, 93 degrees currently, humidity only 41% is beautiful.
I've also gotten to get back together with a great friend from high school I hadn't seen in almost a year, again, always amazes me that all in all we're not too different. Gosh I think about what Laura Newkirk says alot of times......that she'd love to have all the people she loves be together and know one another, to be around all the time......what a dream, but I wish I could take this friend with me, along with so many others that i've met and have them with me always.
Dreaming? Isn't that what weddings are for? Or maybe heaven?
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Christian Hippies #7
Location: Camden, NJ
I've come "full circle" some people said to me as I told them I was coming back to Camden for my last set of interviews, and that I would be ending both my tour and my project here in this location.
First, its weird to be back in this city. There's some kind of energy here, something about this place that draws me in. I am sad I am inside at a computer, yet its the kind of place that confuses me....for me to just go sit outside, for instance, is not really an option here. There is the park where the drug dealers and alcoholics sit, when I walk the streets people assume I'm a prostitute (as many white girls in the neighborhood are), there are no restaurants or places even to buy things that I could casually enter. It is not an easy place to engage with.
However, I am still drawn here. I had an odd situation trying to get a cab to come down to this section of the city. For starters, I got into the cab and forgot (because it looked like a regular car) that in most cabs the passenger sits in the back. The guy driving the cab seemed taken a-back that I would sit next to him and try to talk to him. He also questioned why I wanted to go to that part of the city, he said he'd pegged me for a Cherry Hill/Collinsworth or some other place kind of person. I joyfully told him I was here to see a few friends.
Is it possible to seek out a career in evangelizing the public to the fact not only that places like south camden exist....but also that there are real people there, with real lives?
So down in Waterfront South area, after settling into the Fellowship House, I went over to where two members of the community were living. We did the interview in stages and several locations, taking time inbetween to see a "yes...and!" production at Urban Promise headquarters. This morning I went to the larger house next door for my last interview (at least I think).
By this point none of the questions change, and I've become very accustomed to the rhythm of the interview, for the most part, people's responses don't shock me maybe as they did before. I have to be careful not to let out information about other places too much and also to keep from leading the interview in a prescribed direction of any kind.
One question that did come up this time was the "sustainability" of living life in Waterfront South. Its a difficult area, there aren't places really to play and enjoy. Camden is Camden, its not like other cities where people say there are certain sections of town "you should aviod"--many people feel they should avoid the city entirely. That attitude hurts my heart, but its not surprising. Some are beginning to question if they can grow old here, have children here, plan to live out life in such an intense neighborhood. Many of the other communites are not in such extreme areas, this some see as part of their sustainability.
However, who will go to the Camdens of this country? Somehow its actually become kind of trendy and sexy to come see what its like here, spend some time around the communities here......but I think we all know that feeling won't last. Is this whole new-monastic thing about coming to the abandoned places of this country.....or is it more about community living.....discovering "another way of life"......or pursuing the kingdom of God........not that any of those things are necessarily mututally exclusive either.
I am trying to discern what it was/is that keeps this place and these people so fresh in my mind. I would say its the slant on the really abanonded places of the world that was the initial spark....but even that comes into question. Some say its the overly enthusiastic young people who want to come to Camden, only to find out maybe they can't last that way for life.
But still who will go for us? Who will He send?
I've come "full circle" some people said to me as I told them I was coming back to Camden for my last set of interviews, and that I would be ending both my tour and my project here in this location.
First, its weird to be back in this city. There's some kind of energy here, something about this place that draws me in. I am sad I am inside at a computer, yet its the kind of place that confuses me....for me to just go sit outside, for instance, is not really an option here. There is the park where the drug dealers and alcoholics sit, when I walk the streets people assume I'm a prostitute (as many white girls in the neighborhood are), there are no restaurants or places even to buy things that I could casually enter. It is not an easy place to engage with.
However, I am still drawn here. I had an odd situation trying to get a cab to come down to this section of the city. For starters, I got into the cab and forgot (because it looked like a regular car) that in most cabs the passenger sits in the back. The guy driving the cab seemed taken a-back that I would sit next to him and try to talk to him. He also questioned why I wanted to go to that part of the city, he said he'd pegged me for a Cherry Hill/Collinsworth or some other place kind of person. I joyfully told him I was here to see a few friends.
Is it possible to seek out a career in evangelizing the public to the fact not only that places like south camden exist....but also that there are real people there, with real lives?
So down in Waterfront South area, after settling into the Fellowship House, I went over to where two members of the community were living. We did the interview in stages and several locations, taking time inbetween to see a "yes...and!" production at Urban Promise headquarters. This morning I went to the larger house next door for my last interview (at least I think).
By this point none of the questions change, and I've become very accustomed to the rhythm of the interview, for the most part, people's responses don't shock me maybe as they did before. I have to be careful not to let out information about other places too much and also to keep from leading the interview in a prescribed direction of any kind.
One question that did come up this time was the "sustainability" of living life in Waterfront South. Its a difficult area, there aren't places really to play and enjoy. Camden is Camden, its not like other cities where people say there are certain sections of town "you should aviod"--many people feel they should avoid the city entirely. That attitude hurts my heart, but its not surprising. Some are beginning to question if they can grow old here, have children here, plan to live out life in such an intense neighborhood. Many of the other communites are not in such extreme areas, this some see as part of their sustainability.
However, who will go to the Camdens of this country? Somehow its actually become kind of trendy and sexy to come see what its like here, spend some time around the communities here......but I think we all know that feeling won't last. Is this whole new-monastic thing about coming to the abandoned places of this country.....or is it more about community living.....discovering "another way of life"......or pursuing the kingdom of God........not that any of those things are necessarily mututally exclusive either.
I am trying to discern what it was/is that keeps this place and these people so fresh in my mind. I would say its the slant on the really abanonded places of the world that was the initial spark....but even that comes into question. Some say its the overly enthusiastic young people who want to come to Camden, only to find out maybe they can't last that way for life.
But still who will go for us? Who will He send?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
New England Adventures!
Location: New Hampshire/Maine
On Monday evening I met my good friend/new roommate Rachel Berryman in Newton, Mass for the beginning of our tour-de-New England.
Yes, some of you have commented/asked. What is the facination with New England? Don't most people want to tour Europe? Or road trip out west?
I'm not quite sure what the initial facination and thoughts were....but part of me wants to see if I could make it in this part of the country....but another part of me just wants to find out what life is like here or what people are like.....or what its like to live in a small state that needs to find identity in something.....yea that's just my blabbing, I don't know, I'd never been this far north, so whatever.
So Monday we had dinner in Wellesley with a girl Rachel went to Prauge with.
Tuesday we headed into Maine, saw a light house, walked a rocky beach/Marginal, Way in Ogonquit(sp?), saw some cute shops, and ended out at Kennybunkport, George Bush's summer home (furthers North to date....and it came with a Texas Flag!)
Wednesday we went to the White Mountains in Northern New Hampshire, hiked for 3 or 4 hours, saw lots of waterfalls, and took a scenic drive on the Kankamangus Highway across the park area (would be beautiful in the fall, with leaves), and contemplated sliding on rocks. We ended off with some "Yankee Barbeque," a bit of an odd choice but alright nonetheless.
Thursday we had another beachy day in Portsmouth, NH. We first had some blueberry pie, wandered around a cute downtown area.....then sat out at the beach for a couple of hours. We got in the water for a few minutes and came out numb.....water, maybe 60 degrees?
In the inbetween, we've been staying with her great family in Dover, New Hampshire....they feed us and let us sleep in their home....and they're great travel agents too! It's been great to spend time with a family and feel included in that too.
The summer of hospitality never ends........well especially when you spend you life bumming from one person's porch to the next.
On Monday evening I met my good friend/new roommate Rachel Berryman in Newton, Mass for the beginning of our tour-de-New England.
Yes, some of you have commented/asked. What is the facination with New England? Don't most people want to tour Europe? Or road trip out west?
I'm not quite sure what the initial facination and thoughts were....but part of me wants to see if I could make it in this part of the country....but another part of me just wants to find out what life is like here or what people are like.....or what its like to live in a small state that needs to find identity in something.....yea that's just my blabbing, I don't know, I'd never been this far north, so whatever.
So Monday we had dinner in Wellesley with a girl Rachel went to Prauge with.
Tuesday we headed into Maine, saw a light house, walked a rocky beach/Marginal, Way in Ogonquit(sp?), saw some cute shops, and ended out at Kennybunkport, George Bush's summer home (furthers North to date....and it came with a Texas Flag!)
Wednesday we went to the White Mountains in Northern New Hampshire, hiked for 3 or 4 hours, saw lots of waterfalls, and took a scenic drive on the Kankamangus Highway across the park area (would be beautiful in the fall, with leaves), and contemplated sliding on rocks. We ended off with some "Yankee Barbeque," a bit of an odd choice but alright nonetheless.
Thursday we had another beachy day in Portsmouth, NH. We first had some blueberry pie, wandered around a cute downtown area.....then sat out at the beach for a couple of hours. We got in the water for a few minutes and came out numb.....water, maybe 60 degrees?
In the inbetween, we've been staying with her great family in Dover, New Hampshire....they feed us and let us sleep in their home....and they're great travel agents too! It's been great to spend time with a family and feel included in that too.
The summer of hospitality never ends........well especially when you spend you life bumming from one person's porch to the next.
Christian Hippies #6
Location: Springfield, Mass.
Each time I write one of these kinds of entries I am frustrated by how from the outside these people appear to be subjects that I am constantly observing adn then comparing or theorizing about. It's so difficult to convey that each of these communities are filled with people that i have actually come to love and know, hopefully in a deep way(anyone from a community reading....shout out time!)
Maybe it's the feeling that we can share our faith with one another or the knowledge that I am interested in similar ministry--or maybe its just the nature of interviewing, asking difficult and personal questions. I am filled with nothing but an overwhelming, overflowing sense of love for these people, their struggles. I identify with as much as I can and want to meet their needs. They have deeply changed me.
As time goes on, I see myself prcessing more adn more fo what this time looking in on other people's lives and ministires...and how looking at this will change me as a person. I actually had a couple of poeple ask me how I had been changed this time. I think I gained a little bit of new insight.
I struggle with the idea of community, that people would actually be in need of other people--that maybe I might need people too. If you were to ask me, the best way to go about doing this communal living in mission thing, I woudl say is to take me and a few peopel simialr to myself as far as being nighly motivated and really productive people, and then we can maximize our resources for optimal results. Sound like a business plan? Yep. God doesn't really like to do things my way though.
I'm beginning to realize that many people end up im community because they need it, because they are weak---this coincides with the realization that maybe I myself am weak. Bigger is not always better. Jesus' dream isn't always America's of more, faster.
Could I live here? Could I live in any place I've seen? Would I want to? How long would I accommodate strangers or would I just avoid and be stubborn, not wanting to really be vulnerable? Why can't they all just live as though they are living alone and then work together.....
I really connected with one girl here. She numbers among a few choice individuals who I found to be actually turning the questions around on me--by surprise! At least two people this time wanted to see how I was handling all this information personally, what I had been learning about myself this summer.
I listened to the way she spoke about coming to learn from her community here and it facinated me. She was so honest, so heart--felt. Part of me heard sound-bytes, loving the way she phrased things. But to reduce her experience to sound bytes or quotes would be belittling the experience now, able finally to sit back and just soak in what she was saying. I almost started to cry at one point....but then, snap! Remember, I'm the interviewer here!
Each time I write one of these kinds of entries I am frustrated by how from the outside these people appear to be subjects that I am constantly observing adn then comparing or theorizing about. It's so difficult to convey that each of these communities are filled with people that i have actually come to love and know, hopefully in a deep way(anyone from a community reading....shout out time!)
Maybe it's the feeling that we can share our faith with one another or the knowledge that I am interested in similar ministry--or maybe its just the nature of interviewing, asking difficult and personal questions. I am filled with nothing but an overwhelming, overflowing sense of love for these people, their struggles. I identify with as much as I can and want to meet their needs. They have deeply changed me.
As time goes on, I see myself prcessing more adn more fo what this time looking in on other people's lives and ministires...and how looking at this will change me as a person. I actually had a couple of poeple ask me how I had been changed this time. I think I gained a little bit of new insight.
I struggle with the idea of community, that people would actually be in need of other people--that maybe I might need people too. If you were to ask me, the best way to go about doing this communal living in mission thing, I woudl say is to take me and a few peopel simialr to myself as far as being nighly motivated and really productive people, and then we can maximize our resources for optimal results. Sound like a business plan? Yep. God doesn't really like to do things my way though.
I'm beginning to realize that many people end up im community because they need it, because they are weak---this coincides with the realization that maybe I myself am weak. Bigger is not always better. Jesus' dream isn't always America's of more, faster.
Could I live here? Could I live in any place I've seen? Would I want to? How long would I accommodate strangers or would I just avoid and be stubborn, not wanting to really be vulnerable? Why can't they all just live as though they are living alone and then work together.....
I really connected with one girl here. She numbers among a few choice individuals who I found to be actually turning the questions around on me--by surprise! At least two people this time wanted to see how I was handling all this information personally, what I had been learning about myself this summer.
I listened to the way she spoke about coming to learn from her community here and it facinated me. She was so honest, so heart--felt. Part of me heard sound-bytes, loving the way she phrased things. But to reduce her experience to sound bytes or quotes would be belittling the experience now, able finally to sit back and just soak in what she was saying. I almost started to cry at one point....but then, snap! Remember, I'm the interviewer here!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Nasty Me
8/6/2006
Location: South Station, Boston, Massachusetts
Just about the time in life when I start to believe that I am well along on my road to “sanctification,” or slowly becoming more Christ-like, God decides to expose to me some of my darkest, dirty parts of myself.
Recently this has shown up in the form of Amtrak Trains. Somehow, most every time I get on an Amtrak Train I will inevitably be late to my destination—and not even making it in the new estimated time of arrival as well. It is scary to see the anger/impatience/brooding that goes in inside of my head as I wait, wondering if I will ever get where I am supposed to be. Yes, I know, I can wait and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the situation—but it still leaves me bordering on being furious.
For instance, now I sit waiting still in Boston for my train to Springfield—we were supposed to leave 50 minutes ago. I do not know when we are leaving, and to make matters worse, we are not sitting in the station any longer, we are sitting on a train that is not moving.
I find myself recounting all the times this summer when I have used this form of transportation, I remember as I rack up cases against Amtrak, that of the 5 trains I’ve used this summer so far, 4 have been late. I guess I hate calling whoever is picking me up—especially when it’s someone I haven’t met yet/seen in a long time, and announcing I will be seemingly inconveniencing them even more than I originally intended.
But still, I would expect myself to handle this situation well. To put it out of my mind, to understand there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this and thus to choose to take advantage of this extra amount of time to catch up on reading or sleep or something—but instead I see my own ugly, angry self, funny how I reflect on it each time, really never seeing myself get this way in any other situation. It’s humorous but it’s also a great reminder of how far I am from being the person I want to be—how I can continually surprise myself with how I treat someone or think about someone or do something “completely out of character;” however, times like this make me acknowledge that no, I am acting in character at this moment, as nasty as it may be.
Location: South Station, Boston, Massachusetts
Just about the time in life when I start to believe that I am well along on my road to “sanctification,” or slowly becoming more Christ-like, God decides to expose to me some of my darkest, dirty parts of myself.
Recently this has shown up in the form of Amtrak Trains. Somehow, most every time I get on an Amtrak Train I will inevitably be late to my destination—and not even making it in the new estimated time of arrival as well. It is scary to see the anger/impatience/brooding that goes in inside of my head as I wait, wondering if I will ever get where I am supposed to be. Yes, I know, I can wait and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the situation—but it still leaves me bordering on being furious.
For instance, now I sit waiting still in Boston for my train to Springfield—we were supposed to leave 50 minutes ago. I do not know when we are leaving, and to make matters worse, we are not sitting in the station any longer, we are sitting on a train that is not moving.
I find myself recounting all the times this summer when I have used this form of transportation, I remember as I rack up cases against Amtrak, that of the 5 trains I’ve used this summer so far, 4 have been late. I guess I hate calling whoever is picking me up—especially when it’s someone I haven’t met yet/seen in a long time, and announcing I will be seemingly inconveniencing them even more than I originally intended.
But still, I would expect myself to handle this situation well. To put it out of my mind, to understand there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this and thus to choose to take advantage of this extra amount of time to catch up on reading or sleep or something—but instead I see my own ugly, angry self, funny how I reflect on it each time, really never seeing myself get this way in any other situation. It’s humorous but it’s also a great reminder of how far I am from being the person I want to be—how I can continually surprise myself with how I treat someone or think about someone or do something “completely out of character;” however, times like this make me acknowledge that no, I am acting in character at this moment, as nasty as it may be.
Good times and Friends
8/5/2006
Location: Boston, Mass.
General update
The past couple of days I’ve had the privilege of visiting several new places and getting to catch up with several people.
On Thursday I ventured for a day trip to New Haven, Connecticut to visit Yale University to check out the law and divinity schools. I’ve always said gothic architecture and I don’t really agree very much, I couldn’t go to Princeton or Duke, for instance. However, I’ve found Yale to be quite beautiful. There’s something about its location in the middle of New Haven that’s really appealing to me as well. Its interesting how what you think you want changes over time. The law school was abandoned and I could only pick up a brochure. The divinity school on the other hand, threw out the red carpet for me, complete with an admissions counselor to talk to, a nice woman to give me a walking tour, meeting several students and a ride to the train station. I don’t know what I think about the concept of divinity school however, as far as what the purpose of the whole thing is. I can understand seminary as you need it to work in some churches, but the whole M-div thing seems a bit over-intellectualized for me at this point in my life.
Friday I came into Boston and met up with Greg’s friend Katie P. Sometimes Greg jokes (I think) that he doesn’t like us to get together because we gang up on him. She’s a great girl, tons of fun and a really relaxed kind of person. Sometimes I wish Greg’s friends were my group of friends too. They, at least when I’m around, give this great air of being all fun all the time, hanging out formally and informally, all different kinds of personalities. Makes me want to move up closer to here to hang out with all of them more. Katie and I went to this Oyster place for lunch, very touristy, the place where both JFK and John Kerry awaited their election results in this restaurant. I had raw oysters, definitely a little weird. Now I’ve had sushi before, but oysters…..ummm, let’s just say I’m doing fried the next time around.
Friday evening I got together with Nicole Bucheri, a good friend from high school in Southlake who now goes to Boston College. Its amazing to me to see how much sometimes we can be like our friends and not even know it—Nicole and I both hold this overachiever, activist spirit inside of us. She’s informed and cares a lot about fair trade and ethical eating, its really refreshing to spend time with her and realize we’re interested in reading the same books for instance like The End of Poverty by Jeffery Sachs. Nicole is very brave though and seemingly not attached or overly sentimental like I can be—she’s taking off a year of college (she’s a year younger than me) and going to volunteer in Argentina and probably work for another NGO. It was great to see her in her environment at school as well.
Saturday Nate Nichols came and picked me up from BC. We spent the afternoon in Boston wandering around some more. It was great to do more of the sweeping tour, getting a great last day in the city—over time Boston and I continue to get along more and more. We saw the public library (beautiful!), the water front, a hip-hop performance, a festival for a saint in the North End and lots of general historic sites. It was great to wander around and spend some time with Nate, he always has either such a diplomatic or well-thought out ideas on most of life. Its interesting and helpful to hear his perspective, funny when I can tell he’s drawing my opinions out of me as well though (its that Soul Talk thing at work).
Location: Boston, Mass.
General update
The past couple of days I’ve had the privilege of visiting several new places and getting to catch up with several people.
On Thursday I ventured for a day trip to New Haven, Connecticut to visit Yale University to check out the law and divinity schools. I’ve always said gothic architecture and I don’t really agree very much, I couldn’t go to Princeton or Duke, for instance. However, I’ve found Yale to be quite beautiful. There’s something about its location in the middle of New Haven that’s really appealing to me as well. Its interesting how what you think you want changes over time. The law school was abandoned and I could only pick up a brochure. The divinity school on the other hand, threw out the red carpet for me, complete with an admissions counselor to talk to, a nice woman to give me a walking tour, meeting several students and a ride to the train station. I don’t know what I think about the concept of divinity school however, as far as what the purpose of the whole thing is. I can understand seminary as you need it to work in some churches, but the whole M-div thing seems a bit over-intellectualized for me at this point in my life.
Friday I came into Boston and met up with Greg’s friend Katie P. Sometimes Greg jokes (I think) that he doesn’t like us to get together because we gang up on him. She’s a great girl, tons of fun and a really relaxed kind of person. Sometimes I wish Greg’s friends were my group of friends too. They, at least when I’m around, give this great air of being all fun all the time, hanging out formally and informally, all different kinds of personalities. Makes me want to move up closer to here to hang out with all of them more. Katie and I went to this Oyster place for lunch, very touristy, the place where both JFK and John Kerry awaited their election results in this restaurant. I had raw oysters, definitely a little weird. Now I’ve had sushi before, but oysters…..ummm, let’s just say I’m doing fried the next time around.
Friday evening I got together with Nicole Bucheri, a good friend from high school in Southlake who now goes to Boston College. Its amazing to me to see how much sometimes we can be like our friends and not even know it—Nicole and I both hold this overachiever, activist spirit inside of us. She’s informed and cares a lot about fair trade and ethical eating, its really refreshing to spend time with her and realize we’re interested in reading the same books for instance like The End of Poverty by Jeffery Sachs. Nicole is very brave though and seemingly not attached or overly sentimental like I can be—she’s taking off a year of college (she’s a year younger than me) and going to volunteer in Argentina and probably work for another NGO. It was great to see her in her environment at school as well.
Saturday Nate Nichols came and picked me up from BC. We spent the afternoon in Boston wandering around some more. It was great to do more of the sweeping tour, getting a great last day in the city—over time Boston and I continue to get along more and more. We saw the public library (beautiful!), the water front, a hip-hop performance, a festival for a saint in the North End and lots of general historic sites. It was great to wander around and spend some time with Nate, he always has either such a diplomatic or well-thought out ideas on most of life. Its interesting and helpful to hear his perspective, funny when I can tell he’s drawing my opinions out of me as well though (its that Soul Talk thing at work).
Justice?? On Campus
8/4/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island
I’ve done a lot of thinking lately about what it means to think about justice/social action/buzz word of choice when on a college campus. I guess I keep thinking its time to start being more innovative or really just more transformative or loving in our actions. What does the word “missions” really mean anyway? I guess people start talking about cross-cultural issues when it comes up. But what does cross-cultural look like on a college campus? Does it mean seeking to stand up for those of a different background or ethnic group or economic class on campus—is that what it looks like practically?
Right now it looks a lot more like creating socially-conscious individuals. But I sit around and think, this isn’t really different. It doesn’t seem to be exactly what Jesus wants from us. I think he wants us to learn to love him and others more. I guess the closer you get to Jesus the more you’re going to love what he loves—people who need help would fit into that category.
But how does this work? I see so many times how we, meaning the “social justice” type Christians just become Christians who read the newspaper. Is it really costly and transformative to think about world issues? Or problems in America, families not having enough money. I think it probably is transformative to start feeling like God does care about these things, and so we probably should too.
However, I am continually struck by the lack of relationship and seemingly real opportunity to love others that are different from us when we go about “social action” in this way. When I read an article about the political issues involved in Darfur, am I loving those people? What about if I send up a prayer about them? Is that enough—now there’s a dangerous question, of course God doesn’t “expect” some count of actions from us.
But what would it look like for us to throw out the term social justice—for one, it alienates about half the Christian community that get scared about the political sound of the word. What would it be like to instead only talk about loving people.
However, that’s just talk—what would it be like to actually enact that love for other people. How can we go about doing missions on a college campus—especially if missions are supposed to inherently be about being cross-cultural.
I feel like I’m really reconsidering the approach of both IJM and Intervarsity to missions in light of so many of the missionaries I’ve met this summer. Many of them dislike the idea of doing “something big,” when we start thinking large-scale always (balance always, large scale is possible sometimes) we start to put the power into ourselves, losing humble, small faithful actions that are everyday. Instead so many of them decide to move into a struggling neighborhood and start doing what they can to love their neighbors and build relationships.
No, I’m not thinking we should all find a struggling neighborhood in Williamsburg and move in. But what would it look like to do missions differently at William and Mary? Does it mean demanding a fair wage for all the workers on campus? Counseling a friend who’s been sexually assaulted?
A speaker at Sojourner’s conference challenged us to stop appealing to people’s intellect or ideas, always going for academic facts or shock statistics or attempting to get people to care off of the “gut reaction” feeling that they should—it’s the right thing to do. She instead said it’s best to go for someone’s heart, when it hits the heart people become passionate on their own. Does only experience do this? A friendship? A short-term mission trip? I’d hate to think it always has to be that way.
God calls us to a different way of life, seeking after Him and his kingdom, isn’t that the point? One group I’ve visited this summer talked about how God’s bringing his kingdom to earth and sometimes we’re lucky enough to get to experience the kingdom coming—almost that we fall into an already moving stream of the holy spirit acting out redemption on earth. “Another world is possible” some say, a way where love is paramount above achievements or advancements for social justice or leveling out the economic situation of the world---and sometimes those two things intersect. I continue to mull over what it would be like to think differently about what it means to act out in love, not just to think about help as an abstract concept.
Comments welcome, this is definitely coming out in mid-digestion mode. Excuse my run-on sentences and half-considered thoughts. Verbal processor at work here.
Location: Providence, Rhode Island
I’ve done a lot of thinking lately about what it means to think about justice/social action/buzz word of choice when on a college campus. I guess I keep thinking its time to start being more innovative or really just more transformative or loving in our actions. What does the word “missions” really mean anyway? I guess people start talking about cross-cultural issues when it comes up. But what does cross-cultural look like on a college campus? Does it mean seeking to stand up for those of a different background or ethnic group or economic class on campus—is that what it looks like practically?
Right now it looks a lot more like creating socially-conscious individuals. But I sit around and think, this isn’t really different. It doesn’t seem to be exactly what Jesus wants from us. I think he wants us to learn to love him and others more. I guess the closer you get to Jesus the more you’re going to love what he loves—people who need help would fit into that category.
But how does this work? I see so many times how we, meaning the “social justice” type Christians just become Christians who read the newspaper. Is it really costly and transformative to think about world issues? Or problems in America, families not having enough money. I think it probably is transformative to start feeling like God does care about these things, and so we probably should too.
However, I am continually struck by the lack of relationship and seemingly real opportunity to love others that are different from us when we go about “social action” in this way. When I read an article about the political issues involved in Darfur, am I loving those people? What about if I send up a prayer about them? Is that enough—now there’s a dangerous question, of course God doesn’t “expect” some count of actions from us.
But what would it look like for us to throw out the term social justice—for one, it alienates about half the Christian community that get scared about the political sound of the word. What would it be like to instead only talk about loving people.
However, that’s just talk—what would it be like to actually enact that love for other people. How can we go about doing missions on a college campus—especially if missions are supposed to inherently be about being cross-cultural.
I feel like I’m really reconsidering the approach of both IJM and Intervarsity to missions in light of so many of the missionaries I’ve met this summer. Many of them dislike the idea of doing “something big,” when we start thinking large-scale always (balance always, large scale is possible sometimes) we start to put the power into ourselves, losing humble, small faithful actions that are everyday. Instead so many of them decide to move into a struggling neighborhood and start doing what they can to love their neighbors and build relationships.
No, I’m not thinking we should all find a struggling neighborhood in Williamsburg and move in. But what would it look like to do missions differently at William and Mary? Does it mean demanding a fair wage for all the workers on campus? Counseling a friend who’s been sexually assaulted?
A speaker at Sojourner’s conference challenged us to stop appealing to people’s intellect or ideas, always going for academic facts or shock statistics or attempting to get people to care off of the “gut reaction” feeling that they should—it’s the right thing to do. She instead said it’s best to go for someone’s heart, when it hits the heart people become passionate on their own. Does only experience do this? A friendship? A short-term mission trip? I’d hate to think it always has to be that way.
God calls us to a different way of life, seeking after Him and his kingdom, isn’t that the point? One group I’ve visited this summer talked about how God’s bringing his kingdom to earth and sometimes we’re lucky enough to get to experience the kingdom coming—almost that we fall into an already moving stream of the holy spirit acting out redemption on earth. “Another world is possible” some say, a way where love is paramount above achievements or advancements for social justice or leveling out the economic situation of the world---and sometimes those two things intersect. I continue to mull over what it would be like to think differently about what it means to act out in love, not just to think about help as an abstract concept.
Comments welcome, this is definitely coming out in mid-digestion mode. Excuse my run-on sentences and half-considered thoughts. Verbal processor at work here.
What New England is teaching me
8/3/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island
I think I’m beginning to see some of what New England had to teach me about my faith.
I’ve seen a picture of Christian unity in New England unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Maybe its because they have smaller numbers, maybe its because somehow they’re all oddly friends. But it’s really refreshing to find that the church I’ve gone to is connected to Christians who come from other states to a weekly bible study, some of which who go to Brown University. And at Brown, some of these students are in a Christian Fellowship lead by people I’ve met as well—who also happen to be close friends with not only some of the Christian hippie communities but also are friends with a girl who ended up at the same church small group led by another wonderful church couple. Hard to follow? Its like a big web.
So many people I’ve met here in Providence have said that people in Rhode Island aren’t welcoming and its really hard to make friends because people have the same friends for most of their lives here and aren’t interested in new friends.
Well for one, I haven’t met a lot of native Rhode Islanders so my observations are probably highly skewed. But all of my non-Brown interactions have been almost opposite of that idea.
I’ve never felt so welcomed and loved and accepted as quickly as in the Christian community here in Providence. Reminds me that the church/God/ Christians are all actually supposed to be a part of the same body—connected in some mysterious way.
I think the people here really seem to understand that. They know that even though they only met me 5 minutes ago, we are already family, already somehow connected—so they embrace me like family, love me like family, invite me over like family. There is no suspicion, only love. They’re excited to hear about how the rest of the body—maybe I come from the hand or the toe or something—but they want to know how the rest of the family is doing, they’re thrilled to get to share life with me for a month and then pass me onto the next part of the body for safe-keeping, we’ll see each other again sometime.
Location: Providence, Rhode Island
I think I’m beginning to see some of what New England had to teach me about my faith.
I’ve seen a picture of Christian unity in New England unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Maybe its because they have smaller numbers, maybe its because somehow they’re all oddly friends. But it’s really refreshing to find that the church I’ve gone to is connected to Christians who come from other states to a weekly bible study, some of which who go to Brown University. And at Brown, some of these students are in a Christian Fellowship lead by people I’ve met as well—who also happen to be close friends with not only some of the Christian hippie communities but also are friends with a girl who ended up at the same church small group led by another wonderful church couple. Hard to follow? Its like a big web.
So many people I’ve met here in Providence have said that people in Rhode Island aren’t welcoming and its really hard to make friends because people have the same friends for most of their lives here and aren’t interested in new friends.
Well for one, I haven’t met a lot of native Rhode Islanders so my observations are probably highly skewed. But all of my non-Brown interactions have been almost opposite of that idea.
I’ve never felt so welcomed and loved and accepted as quickly as in the Christian community here in Providence. Reminds me that the church/God/ Christians are all actually supposed to be a part of the same body—connected in some mysterious way.
I think the people here really seem to understand that. They know that even though they only met me 5 minutes ago, we are already family, already somehow connected—so they embrace me like family, love me like family, invite me over like family. There is no suspicion, only love. They’re excited to hear about how the rest of the body—maybe I come from the hand or the toe or something—but they want to know how the rest of the family is doing, they’re thrilled to get to share life with me for a month and then pass me onto the next part of the body for safe-keeping, we’ll see each other again sometime.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
"Random?" Conversations
Ever made an appointment to talk to someone, then get there and realize you frankly have nothing to say? Well, in that case there are two options: admit your fault and leave, tail between your legs....or option B: start talking and attempt to appear relevant.
Well I had 3 appointments today all in a row that had about that same format.
First conversation was with a religious studies professor at Brown. I'd been encouraged to go "check out" the department. I'd already seen the website, knew their focus was on antiquity and basically things I'm not really interested in nor have background with.....but I went anyway. So now I'm sitting in front of this woman attempting to tell her why I came to see her. Oh dear. Well first I say I am thinking about graduate school in general, she basically tells me that this isn't for me because I don't have the kind of background they would want (aka in religious studies, of course).
So seeing this meeting falling apart before my eyes, myself trying to make a graceful exit....I decide to ask her about her own research interests--salvation! I've had this same tactic before, been in the middle of a visit/meeting/etc and realize that it is completely not relevant to anything I care about....so instead I decide to take it as a chance to get to know this person. Interesting to do when they think you're there to find out about something completely different.
---So in the end we had a very nice conversation about senses and smells in relation to religious experience. She'd written a book on it. Sounded actually very interesting to me. Conversation 1 saved.
My next meeting was with the Brown-Co-operative housing group. I just wanted to see the house and get a chance to observe what non-religious co-housing or communal living would look like. This is an odd thing to tell someone you're interested in.....yea, I wanna just wander around your house. So getting to the house, I met one girl who seemed a bit confused about why I'd come.......so suddenly I decided to tell her about my "research project" on co-ops....not exactly what I'm doing, but at least didn't leave her staring at me like I was crazy anymore.
If nothing else, this resulted in a chance to really ask some great questions and get to know a new person as well. At that point I knew i wasn't taking notes or holding any agenda of my own....so why not? ask this girl how long she'd lived there, her major, and her experience living in a co-op, her personal struggles, whatever. Interesting how coming in as an outsider/researcher can land you license to ask people personal questions like that sometimes. She told me all about the conflict going on in the house, spilling about somone who kept referring to the housing situation as Germany before WWII. Seemed a bit out of my line of questioning, but interesting nonetheless. Regardless, what first seemed like a horribly awkward conversation, trying to explain why i wanted to wander her house (really just personal interest), suddenly became a good discussion on sharing living space.---Conversation #2 saved.
So next I was expected back at the Religious Studies department for my second line of questioning/discussion with now the department head. You can understand my extreme hesitation at this point recognizing I pretty much have no business to be thinking about Brown religious studies department at all. I considered cancelling the appointment, wondering what I would come up with to talk about unless I simply choose to lie and talk about "interests" that were more alligned with theirs. I decided instead to go through with the appointment.
I'd had a few minutes in between other meetings to go to the library and search out this woman on the internet and see her interests. I also knew best at this point it would be better to come in appearing completely ignorant and talk about myself and see if she felt I fit the program (already knowing I didn't) than to state that for her myself. However cost/benefit analysis told me that it would be a waste of time to totally focus on what was not/could not be. So after a short discussion about how Brown was probably not the program for someone with my interests, we had a nice talk about sociology and what it meant to study religion from a non-theoretical/philisophical perspective and instead to take a more "grounded" approach. It was reassuring.
But I'd have to say my conversation twisting skills came best into use when I just asked for some of her scholarly opinion on the history of the Desert Fathers (the new monastic people like to invoke the name, but I know little about them). This became a beautiful tactic, we had a great discussion about memory/what it meant for people to look back on a "tradition" that probably wasn't complete reality....but in the construction of ideas, historical fact didn't matter as much as the ideal they were upholding. Hopefully that made sense......But still, conversation #3 saved.
Well at the end of the day, I ran across Providence twice, didn't really get any further in either discovering my future or researching my thesis....but I had some nice talks. I wouldn't call it a pointless day, I feel like my mind was somewhat expanded in the process.
Maybe that's what life just is sometimes, the sum of many great conversations. Or at least I often feel like that's what my life becomes.
Well I had 3 appointments today all in a row that had about that same format.
First conversation was with a religious studies professor at Brown. I'd been encouraged to go "check out" the department. I'd already seen the website, knew their focus was on antiquity and basically things I'm not really interested in nor have background with.....but I went anyway. So now I'm sitting in front of this woman attempting to tell her why I came to see her. Oh dear. Well first I say I am thinking about graduate school in general, she basically tells me that this isn't for me because I don't have the kind of background they would want (aka in religious studies, of course).
So seeing this meeting falling apart before my eyes, myself trying to make a graceful exit....I decide to ask her about her own research interests--salvation! I've had this same tactic before, been in the middle of a visit/meeting/etc and realize that it is completely not relevant to anything I care about....so instead I decide to take it as a chance to get to know this person. Interesting to do when they think you're there to find out about something completely different.
---So in the end we had a very nice conversation about senses and smells in relation to religious experience. She'd written a book on it. Sounded actually very interesting to me. Conversation 1 saved.
My next meeting was with the Brown-Co-operative housing group. I just wanted to see the house and get a chance to observe what non-religious co-housing or communal living would look like. This is an odd thing to tell someone you're interested in.....yea, I wanna just wander around your house. So getting to the house, I met one girl who seemed a bit confused about why I'd come.......so suddenly I decided to tell her about my "research project" on co-ops....not exactly what I'm doing, but at least didn't leave her staring at me like I was crazy anymore.
If nothing else, this resulted in a chance to really ask some great questions and get to know a new person as well. At that point I knew i wasn't taking notes or holding any agenda of my own....so why not? ask this girl how long she'd lived there, her major, and her experience living in a co-op, her personal struggles, whatever. Interesting how coming in as an outsider/researcher can land you license to ask people personal questions like that sometimes. She told me all about the conflict going on in the house, spilling about somone who kept referring to the housing situation as Germany before WWII. Seemed a bit out of my line of questioning, but interesting nonetheless. Regardless, what first seemed like a horribly awkward conversation, trying to explain why i wanted to wander her house (really just personal interest), suddenly became a good discussion on sharing living space.---Conversation #2 saved.
So next I was expected back at the Religious Studies department for my second line of questioning/discussion with now the department head. You can understand my extreme hesitation at this point recognizing I pretty much have no business to be thinking about Brown religious studies department at all. I considered cancelling the appointment, wondering what I would come up with to talk about unless I simply choose to lie and talk about "interests" that were more alligned with theirs. I decided instead to go through with the appointment.
I'd had a few minutes in between other meetings to go to the library and search out this woman on the internet and see her interests. I also knew best at this point it would be better to come in appearing completely ignorant and talk about myself and see if she felt I fit the program (already knowing I didn't) than to state that for her myself. However cost/benefit analysis told me that it would be a waste of time to totally focus on what was not/could not be. So after a short discussion about how Brown was probably not the program for someone with my interests, we had a nice talk about sociology and what it meant to study religion from a non-theoretical/philisophical perspective and instead to take a more "grounded" approach. It was reassuring.
But I'd have to say my conversation twisting skills came best into use when I just asked for some of her scholarly opinion on the history of the Desert Fathers (the new monastic people like to invoke the name, but I know little about them). This became a beautiful tactic, we had a great discussion about memory/what it meant for people to look back on a "tradition" that probably wasn't complete reality....but in the construction of ideas, historical fact didn't matter as much as the ideal they were upholding. Hopefully that made sense......But still, conversation #3 saved.
Well at the end of the day, I ran across Providence twice, didn't really get any further in either discovering my future or researching my thesis....but I had some nice talks. I wouldn't call it a pointless day, I feel like my mind was somewhat expanded in the process.
Maybe that's what life just is sometimes, the sum of many great conversations. Or at least I often feel like that's what my life becomes.
Biking 30 miles
Location: Providence, RI to Bristol, RI
Tuesday in the "excessive heat" warning throughout Rhode Island, myself and two RA friends took a 30 mile bike ride. It was tons of fun. The scenery was wonderful, views of the Naragansett bay and many people's gardens and fields, all culminating in Bristol, Rhode Island's ocean views.
Essentially I was impressed with all of us for making it through the entire day! And one day later, I'm not really sore either, probably should've gone faster!
Tuesday in the "excessive heat" warning throughout Rhode Island, myself and two RA friends took a 30 mile bike ride. It was tons of fun. The scenery was wonderful, views of the Naragansett bay and many people's gardens and fields, all culminating in Bristol, Rhode Island's ocean views.
Essentially I was impressed with all of us for making it through the entire day! And one day later, I'm not really sore either, probably should've gone faster!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Nice dinner
Tonight I had dinner with two/three members of InterVarsity staff in the New England area, Greg and his wife who act as staff for 3(wow!) area colleges and one of Sara's students, new staff at Roger Williams, found she'd been attending the same church I had as well.
It was really great to hear some of their perspective on what it's been like to be in ministry in this area of the country, where we talked about the difference of a freshman bible study of 12 from a hall of 25 to 3 from a dorm of 300. Hmm. Again, hate to fall into regionalism or type-casting anything.
They talked about having to take time for themselves, some of the difficulties having to raise their own salaries and just in general having to learn general life boundaries--both with students and their neighbors. That's another thing, they have chosen to move into a more run-down section of providence. They joked, calling it the "hood junior." We talked about the adjustment process moving in there, making friends being difficult and getting only great responses from kids.
It was cool to see that they were normal people. That in so many ways they were people just like myself---cursing sometimes, joking about liquor stores, talking about God, the sacred and the profane intermingling into beautifully framed lives.
I think about going into ministry myself. Is this area of the country for me? Maybe, I feel myself fitting into the culture a lot here, well at least in some ways. I really enjoy this city and many of the people I have met. It is reassuring to see myself in them definitely. All the questions and fears I had heard about were manifest in their lives as well, maybe this was normal.
I'm struggling a lot this week with what I want to do in the future. I feel like somedays I could just arbitarily pick something and push forward towards it and have no problem, there's nothing really holding me back from anything (how blessed I am, what a luxury). But I know that isn't god's way. there's something i've got to learn in all of this.
It was really great to hear some of their perspective on what it's been like to be in ministry in this area of the country, where we talked about the difference of a freshman bible study of 12 from a hall of 25 to 3 from a dorm of 300. Hmm. Again, hate to fall into regionalism or type-casting anything.
They talked about having to take time for themselves, some of the difficulties having to raise their own salaries and just in general having to learn general life boundaries--both with students and their neighbors. That's another thing, they have chosen to move into a more run-down section of providence. They joked, calling it the "hood junior." We talked about the adjustment process moving in there, making friends being difficult and getting only great responses from kids.
It was cool to see that they were normal people. That in so many ways they were people just like myself---cursing sometimes, joking about liquor stores, talking about God, the sacred and the profane intermingling into beautifully framed lives.
I think about going into ministry myself. Is this area of the country for me? Maybe, I feel myself fitting into the culture a lot here, well at least in some ways. I really enjoy this city and many of the people I have met. It is reassuring to see myself in them definitely. All the questions and fears I had heard about were manifest in their lives as well, maybe this was normal.
I'm struggling a lot this week with what I want to do in the future. I feel like somedays I could just arbitarily pick something and push forward towards it and have no problem, there's nothing really holding me back from anything (how blessed I am, what a luxury). But I know that isn't god's way. there's something i've got to learn in all of this.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The second week of SPARK: location, Providence, RI
Not too many revelations came off this second week of SPARK, I think I had a much better/more tolerable/less boy-crazy group of girls on my floor. They were great about including everyone in things they did, even the seemingly-annoying child. Having a large group helped I think. There was at least one that I had to remind myself was only 14 years old, not 21 like myself. The maturity manifests itself in different ways.
The class I helped with this past week was about bay education. This was also a great group of kids definitely, 11 total. Even though we consistently had to meet almost an hour before every other class--7:15am each morning to ride a bus to our class site, eat the same sack lunch (great cookie we bartered amongst the group), they didn't complain as much as last week's group that only had to meet 30 minutes earlier. This time we had 3 long days and 2 semi-long days (most classes only have 2 afternoon days)....so given the extensive class schedule, the kids were great.
The class was pretty cool, we got to go out on a small boat everyday. We took plankton samples and then one day took huge nets that caught large crabs (bigger than my head), sea stars, flounder, other critters so we called them. We got to go swimming most everyday and even snorkeling the last day.
I realized how squirmish I am about dirtiness and touching things like crabs or other fish or objects (and I guess, how seemingly irrational that is).
I've started thinking a little bit about Americorps (met one Americorps volunteer at church, another worked at this Save the Bay organization). The Vista program seems very flexible easy to choose your own location, only a year long. We'll see.
I convinced the kiddos to get me several huge cookies from the Meeting Street Cafe (for Providence locals this is the spot for huge cookies that spoil just about any meal). I've got some other food-requirements before I leave---a fast food dinner truck downtown, the Creperie, and eating a Falafel (sp?, still a little unsure what this is).
Although I was gone most of the week, I got to spend a little quality time with the other RAs, I had a great heart to heart with one RA who'd grown up around the camden-area of New Jersey. Its amazing to me how much, even though I've probably only been in that city a total of 12 days, how many times its provided in-roads for conversation. How much time have I spent in other places, think bangkok, for instance. But somehow my passion for that place has stuck. Hmmm. It was great to really connect with them and learn more about their life, I feel like I haven't really gotten to really-really know any other RAs, so that was a welcome change and experience to better share what we're each "really" about. It was one of my first strong conversations with someone outside of church circles since I've been here, I actually felt a little rusty trying to remember how to listen and just even show love.....weird, sometimes we need practice.
The kids left Saturday afternoon, we had a major food blow-out at Cheesecake Factory Saturday night, 3.5 hour wait and all! (we got a call and came later). We all joked about looking online at the menu all week long--I had decided monday what I wanted and stuck do it--fish tacos (fair, not doing it again) and oreo cheesecake (still good). Spent today recovering from food coma and transcribing my last tape.
Also went to church here for only the 3rd time, but its amazing how much I feel at home there now. I have 2-3 evening activiies planned this week off of relationships from church. They prayed for me to "send me out" after my month in Providence, really great people!
Looking forward to a week to close-up here in Providence. I'll also, at my fathers--and pracically, I understand--request, to check out some area graduate programs. Monday, Brown. Thursday, Yale. Friday, Harvard. I'm not feeling graduate school really at all at this point. But I think I also have a hard time imagining life beyond the span of 2-3 years out, so its good to look anyway.
My time in Providence is coming to a close. What have I learned? What has New England taught me?
The class I helped with this past week was about bay education. This was also a great group of kids definitely, 11 total. Even though we consistently had to meet almost an hour before every other class--7:15am each morning to ride a bus to our class site, eat the same sack lunch (great cookie we bartered amongst the group), they didn't complain as much as last week's group that only had to meet 30 minutes earlier. This time we had 3 long days and 2 semi-long days (most classes only have 2 afternoon days)....so given the extensive class schedule, the kids were great.
The class was pretty cool, we got to go out on a small boat everyday. We took plankton samples and then one day took huge nets that caught large crabs (bigger than my head), sea stars, flounder, other critters so we called them. We got to go swimming most everyday and even snorkeling the last day.
I realized how squirmish I am about dirtiness and touching things like crabs or other fish or objects (and I guess, how seemingly irrational that is).
I've started thinking a little bit about Americorps (met one Americorps volunteer at church, another worked at this Save the Bay organization). The Vista program seems very flexible easy to choose your own location, only a year long. We'll see.
I convinced the kiddos to get me several huge cookies from the Meeting Street Cafe (for Providence locals this is the spot for huge cookies that spoil just about any meal). I've got some other food-requirements before I leave---a fast food dinner truck downtown, the Creperie, and eating a Falafel (sp?, still a little unsure what this is).
Although I was gone most of the week, I got to spend a little quality time with the other RAs, I had a great heart to heart with one RA who'd grown up around the camden-area of New Jersey. Its amazing to me how much, even though I've probably only been in that city a total of 12 days, how many times its provided in-roads for conversation. How much time have I spent in other places, think bangkok, for instance. But somehow my passion for that place has stuck. Hmmm. It was great to really connect with them and learn more about their life, I feel like I haven't really gotten to really-really know any other RAs, so that was a welcome change and experience to better share what we're each "really" about. It was one of my first strong conversations with someone outside of church circles since I've been here, I actually felt a little rusty trying to remember how to listen and just even show love.....weird, sometimes we need practice.
The kids left Saturday afternoon, we had a major food blow-out at Cheesecake Factory Saturday night, 3.5 hour wait and all! (we got a call and came later). We all joked about looking online at the menu all week long--I had decided monday what I wanted and stuck do it--fish tacos (fair, not doing it again) and oreo cheesecake (still good). Spent today recovering from food coma and transcribing my last tape.
Also went to church here for only the 3rd time, but its amazing how much I feel at home there now. I have 2-3 evening activiies planned this week off of relationships from church. They prayed for me to "send me out" after my month in Providence, really great people!
Looking forward to a week to close-up here in Providence. I'll also, at my fathers--and pracically, I understand--request, to check out some area graduate programs. Monday, Brown. Thursday, Yale. Friday, Harvard. I'm not feeling graduate school really at all at this point. But I think I also have a hard time imagining life beyond the span of 2-3 years out, so its good to look anyway.
My time in Providence is coming to a close. What have I learned? What has New England taught me?
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
"They're real people too"
My friend Nate used to espouse about his summer he spent as a middle school youth assistant at a church. Sometimes I thought he was crazy. Long, flowery ideas about talking to middle schoolers, all in their juxtaposed worlds--one minute they're giggling over boys or silly jokes, the next they're making a profound observation on the world. Or, in the case of my science camp, talking about some abstract concept I don't even begin to understand.
But Nate said something else, maybe this part was more recent--he made the point that middle schoolers were people too. It didn't really sink in much until this week.
The night before our second batch of kids I went out for sushi with a couple of ras and we talked about ourselves and what we liked to do. I told them I didn't really care for kids much, would really rather do much anything else than spend time with kids.
I'm beginning to think that that is beginning to change some, or at least I'm coming to some self-realization. I actually do like talking to these kids at this camp, maybe in some way they've reached that point of being beyond "kids" to me, they can hold semi-intelligent/pointed conversations, tell me about their lives at home, what they want to be----and its not all trivial. They have interests and passions, desires and goals. In essence, they are real people too.
I would rather catch up with the girls from my floor or talk to the boys and girls in my class than sit around with the ras or a book most of the time, it seems dis-engaged to not try to get to know them as individuals. I see myself taking the attitude I take with orientation so often---that each person has a story, and I'm not doing my job properly until I attempt to have a few good conversations with each person, and at least show them that they matter to me and that I want to know more about them--in essence, validating the fact that they are people too.
Realization 2: I may someday wish to have children. Yes, probably not a shocker, but I'm not quite sure I'd ever gotten past the self-centered ideas of wanting kids, thinking ohh it'd be fun to make their lunch or dress a little girl, or I'd love to be a mom---all reasons tied to myself.
But I think that's beginning to be refined as well. No worries mom and dad, not thinking of having kids anytime soon (10 years maybe?). I was reading this book Snow Flower and the Secret Fan about a young girl who grows up, marries and has children. At a later point in the book, she reflects on how wonderful it is to see her children grow, to see them develop into different people, thinking individuals, not just objects of affection anymore. Watching her children become people of interest and intrigue that she has the priviledge to have such close, permanent relationship--in essence, watching her children become/be real people too.
Made me think motherhood maybe is something more, maybe something I'd want someday. Sounds silly, but really was kind of a turning point, thinking beyond myself to possibly wanting a child for non-selfish reasons.
But Nate said something else, maybe this part was more recent--he made the point that middle schoolers were people too. It didn't really sink in much until this week.
The night before our second batch of kids I went out for sushi with a couple of ras and we talked about ourselves and what we liked to do. I told them I didn't really care for kids much, would really rather do much anything else than spend time with kids.
I'm beginning to think that that is beginning to change some, or at least I'm coming to some self-realization. I actually do like talking to these kids at this camp, maybe in some way they've reached that point of being beyond "kids" to me, they can hold semi-intelligent/pointed conversations, tell me about their lives at home, what they want to be----and its not all trivial. They have interests and passions, desires and goals. In essence, they are real people too.
I would rather catch up with the girls from my floor or talk to the boys and girls in my class than sit around with the ras or a book most of the time, it seems dis-engaged to not try to get to know them as individuals. I see myself taking the attitude I take with orientation so often---that each person has a story, and I'm not doing my job properly until I attempt to have a few good conversations with each person, and at least show them that they matter to me and that I want to know more about them--in essence, validating the fact that they are people too.
Realization 2: I may someday wish to have children. Yes, probably not a shocker, but I'm not quite sure I'd ever gotten past the self-centered ideas of wanting kids, thinking ohh it'd be fun to make their lunch or dress a little girl, or I'd love to be a mom---all reasons tied to myself.
But I think that's beginning to be refined as well. No worries mom and dad, not thinking of having kids anytime soon (10 years maybe?). I was reading this book Snow Flower and the Secret Fan about a young girl who grows up, marries and has children. At a later point in the book, she reflects on how wonderful it is to see her children grow, to see them develop into different people, thinking individuals, not just objects of affection anymore. Watching her children become people of interest and intrigue that she has the priviledge to have such close, permanent relationship--in essence, watching her children become/be real people too.
Made me think motherhood maybe is something more, maybe something I'd want someday. Sounds silly, but really was kind of a turning point, thinking beyond myself to possibly wanting a child for non-selfish reasons.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
General Life Review
I figured I'd been up to some other things recently, nothing too profound, just thought I'd list some events.....
-Got to visit Greg again in Mass. First day we went to Boston, met a couple of his friends and his older brother for dinner. It was really great to see the city with Mike's native tour-guiding skills, getting to see what they thought about the area.....and getting to enjoy "real" Italian food. I admitted I thought a lot of Italian food was bland.....bad thing to say! It did taste fairly similar to the kind of Italian I had in actual Italy though. I lost points with Ben (Greg's bro) for not getting a cannoli and opting for carrott cake instead.
-Got to see my first "rocky" beach with Greg. Ducksberry(sp?), Mass. Of course only after visiting the cute sub shop across from his high school (small town Mass, Greg knows everyone...or at least they know him, from the subway to the sandwich shop, it was fun). Turns out my perception of rocks was that it would be much more similar to rocky clifts. Actually a "rocky" beach has lots of pebbles. It was a little chilly as well, but just a nice, foggy New England afternoon......and an entire trip out there without a stop at dunkin doughnuts!
-Back late Thursday afternoon, went to Gallery Night in Providence with another RA girl. Gallery Night is the night in Providence when all the art galleries in town (like 25! wow!) are all open for free, there's free food and wine everywhere, buses run for free and celebs give tours! Wow! It was really neat. We probably made it to half the galleries--many are small, modern galleries or shops really that were easy to browse very quickly, but it was wonderful to see the diversity of the arts scene in this town! I feel like such a nerd sometimes around here.....I suggest events around town to the RAs regularly, sometimes people come thankfully.......oh yea, and just to show myself to be the ultimate tourista......we walked into the John Brown House Gallery Night (historic house), and I knew the woman giving the tour (historic society, I'd been on another tour she did......)
--On that note, I am seeing people I recognize more and more around town. Its pretty encouraging, weird none of them seem to say hello. Some are people I've had work interactions with, people who I've bought things from, a guy I met a church, the saxophone player from the street, etc. Providence grows more and more on me everyday.
-In true Providence tourist fashion, I ventured to the farmer's market downtown Friday morning, I'd made it up to be this big thing (the flyers and website made it look that way.....), but as many things I read about, it was a bit of a let down, though overall it was a great experience. This is the practical way to buy organic, local, etc. Even contrasting it with the market I saw in Boston today, I noticed all the produce was local, whereas in Boston it was definitely imported (all the gas costs for that almost make it pointless, environmentally-consciousness-wise).
--Friday evening Rachel Berryman and Nate Nichols came into town. It was so great to see Rachel again, chill out with her in the afternoon on Thayer, gather more supplies together (apparently Rachel was a wine connoisseur! the woman talked about her choice for like 5 minutes....we just stared and acted like we had any idea at all what she was saying....). Nate came later in the evening and I took them down the the waterfront for a picnic! It was great to share the city and the campus. Getting to see the two of them and just have a great dinner together was wonderful, hopefully I'll get to see them both again soon.
-Saturday I took the high school program's free bus into Boston for the day--basically 10am-3:30pm in Boston. It was enough time for the colonial-dressed Freedom Trail guide which was super-fun, touristy as it is. I wandered around several markets for the afternoon, had a great fast mexican-stand experience (my mom had a horror story of carrots on top of nachos instead of cheese in Mass, so I was a bit wary to say the least). It started to rain fairly severely. But I wandered the commons area some, got some ice coffee (grown on me, dunkins of course), and made it in time for the bus back.
Overall, good day.....definitely just an intro to the city. I honestly can't say I love love Boston like I love love new york, but I remember new york took me a few days wandering by myself figuring out the layout and parts I really enjoyed before I really fell in love (the reason I can't seem to pass up a trip to nyc).
I have to say there's something somewhat annoying about not being able to find places to sit (it was wet) or public bathrooms anywhere (including restaurants, well dunkin doughnuts, but come on people!). Kind of annoying, speaks to a place in my mind---nyc is like this too---that is not only incredibly fast-paced, meaning take food and go........but also largely says "we don't even care enough about you to have a nice place to sit or use the restroom, even when you pay for stuff." Just not so hospitable is all. Guess I'm still searching for "my city," or at least a place that calls out to me and provides everything---walking accessible, not so pretensious attitude, public green space, etc......the list goes on, search for perfection? maybe. Thoughts?
-Got to visit Greg again in Mass. First day we went to Boston, met a couple of his friends and his older brother for dinner. It was really great to see the city with Mike's native tour-guiding skills, getting to see what they thought about the area.....and getting to enjoy "real" Italian food. I admitted I thought a lot of Italian food was bland.....bad thing to say! It did taste fairly similar to the kind of Italian I had in actual Italy though. I lost points with Ben (Greg's bro) for not getting a cannoli and opting for carrott cake instead.
-Got to see my first "rocky" beach with Greg. Ducksberry(sp?), Mass. Of course only after visiting the cute sub shop across from his high school (small town Mass, Greg knows everyone...or at least they know him, from the subway to the sandwich shop, it was fun). Turns out my perception of rocks was that it would be much more similar to rocky clifts. Actually a "rocky" beach has lots of pebbles. It was a little chilly as well, but just a nice, foggy New England afternoon......and an entire trip out there without a stop at dunkin doughnuts!
-Back late Thursday afternoon, went to Gallery Night in Providence with another RA girl. Gallery Night is the night in Providence when all the art galleries in town (like 25! wow!) are all open for free, there's free food and wine everywhere, buses run for free and celebs give tours! Wow! It was really neat. We probably made it to half the galleries--many are small, modern galleries or shops really that were easy to browse very quickly, but it was wonderful to see the diversity of the arts scene in this town! I feel like such a nerd sometimes around here.....I suggest events around town to the RAs regularly, sometimes people come thankfully.......oh yea, and just to show myself to be the ultimate tourista......we walked into the John Brown House Gallery Night (historic house), and I knew the woman giving the tour (historic society, I'd been on another tour she did......)
--On that note, I am seeing people I recognize more and more around town. Its pretty encouraging, weird none of them seem to say hello. Some are people I've had work interactions with, people who I've bought things from, a guy I met a church, the saxophone player from the street, etc. Providence grows more and more on me everyday.
-In true Providence tourist fashion, I ventured to the farmer's market downtown Friday morning, I'd made it up to be this big thing (the flyers and website made it look that way.....), but as many things I read about, it was a bit of a let down, though overall it was a great experience. This is the practical way to buy organic, local, etc. Even contrasting it with the market I saw in Boston today, I noticed all the produce was local, whereas in Boston it was definitely imported (all the gas costs for that almost make it pointless, environmentally-consciousness-wise).
--Friday evening Rachel Berryman and Nate Nichols came into town. It was so great to see Rachel again, chill out with her in the afternoon on Thayer, gather more supplies together (apparently Rachel was a wine connoisseur! the woman talked about her choice for like 5 minutes....we just stared and acted like we had any idea at all what she was saying....). Nate came later in the evening and I took them down the the waterfront for a picnic! It was great to share the city and the campus. Getting to see the two of them and just have a great dinner together was wonderful, hopefully I'll get to see them both again soon.
-Saturday I took the high school program's free bus into Boston for the day--basically 10am-3:30pm in Boston. It was enough time for the colonial-dressed Freedom Trail guide which was super-fun, touristy as it is. I wandered around several markets for the afternoon, had a great fast mexican-stand experience (my mom had a horror story of carrots on top of nachos instead of cheese in Mass, so I was a bit wary to say the least). It started to rain fairly severely. But I wandered the commons area some, got some ice coffee (grown on me, dunkins of course), and made it in time for the bus back.
Overall, good day.....definitely just an intro to the city. I honestly can't say I love love Boston like I love love new york, but I remember new york took me a few days wandering by myself figuring out the layout and parts I really enjoyed before I really fell in love (the reason I can't seem to pass up a trip to nyc).
I have to say there's something somewhat annoying about not being able to find places to sit (it was wet) or public bathrooms anywhere (including restaurants, well dunkin doughnuts, but come on people!). Kind of annoying, speaks to a place in my mind---nyc is like this too---that is not only incredibly fast-paced, meaning take food and go........but also largely says "we don't even care enough about you to have a nice place to sit or use the restroom, even when you pay for stuff." Just not so hospitable is all. Guess I'm still searching for "my city," or at least a place that calls out to me and provides everything---walking accessible, not so pretensious attitude, public green space, etc......the list goes on, search for perfection? maybe. Thoughts?
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Some quotations
I've spent the past 3 days mostly transcribing interviews, gotten in another 100 pages and 3 hours from my time in Kentucky. I decided by this time in the summer I wanted to give you all some key snipits of my interviews....all come unidentified, community or person.
"Dorothy Day, the founder of the Catholic Worker movement would say the sociologists call us intentional communities I like to say that we are communities of need. You know, communities of need, people that know that they are needy so they get together. Um, so intentional community is kind of a descriptive term from the outside but I take it to be a fairly true description that most of the people who are doing this thing are intentional about living together with other people who want to have a common way of life that points them towards the gospel. "
"welcome is the way that you acknowledge someone’s worth, you know recognize their dignity and shelter them"
"[sharing a meal]--: It’s a great leveler—everybody needs to eat. You all have to eat, great equalizer. There’s something important about taking nourishment together. Eating’s just a very…if you think somebody’s disgusting, eating with them, it freaks you out. You might ride next to them in the subway but you don’t want to eat with them, if they spit all over or they smell funny. So eating together really breaks down a lot of social inhibitions, its an act of having to care for someone, when you eat with someone, you provide food for them."
"I think we’ve learned to question some of the kind of radial simplicity that has come up out of the all-white communities and kind of not see that as another kind of righteousness that we need to cling to but rather try to be true to the relationships we have here. I feel like that’s something we’ve learned."
"Well we try not to be a charity. I am pretty convinced that bureaucracies impersonalize our relationships with people which creates dishonesty and all sorts of other nasty things and so we’ve been committed to not being a charity because we want to for one, have authentic relationships with people that we come in contact with but we also want to encourage the rest of the church to have real relationships. Jesus said, you know, the poor will always be with you and I don’t think he was saying so don’t worry about them I think he was saying you’ve got to build real relationship so that maybe there aren’t poor folk so that everyone has enough. "
"I think the charity thing kind of impersonalizes it. And for one thing it makes it easy for us to maintain our roles. The person we’re serving is the client and we’re the service provider in a sort of charity model. And so the maintenance of the model requires that we all stay in our roles. And so charity, sort of assumes we’ll always need the poor because like, that’s my job. (joking almost) If they’re aren’t any poor people, I lose my job. I’d rather say that in the kingdom of God Jesus invites rich and poor to live in an honest relationship with one another and to learn the economy of manna where you take what you need and you share the rest so that no one has need. We’re trying to figure out what that means."
"Yes, I think so. It seem to me that, sort of, Evangelical Christianity in America has kind of become a dominant religion that more or less supports the dominant culture and that I think is a sign of compromised Christianity in the history of the church, all the way back to when the Roman Empire became sort of officially Christian. "
"So what it seems to me is that people at the margins are always doing is trying to develop tactics to try and subvert the dominant system in ways that will point towards the kingdom of God. As opposed to developing a sort of grand strategy that sets up some sort of alternate empire. There’s no ground on which to set up an alternative empire because the culture is everything and us and also that assumes that we have a lot of power and control. I think that the sort of love that Jesus teaches leaves you without a lot of power and control. So its about sort of, you know, almost like guerilla warfare, to get the kind of tactics we need to within the world that is to try and subvert it and have little explosions of grace and God’s kingdom. "
"I think often times, especially in the modern world, we have kind of assumed that religion wasn’t about that stuff. Sometimes it’s said that religion’s not political or religion’s not social or the sociologists say that religion is all culture. I think actually, you know, America offers us a way of life. It comes through things like television commercials and public education and you know, the sort of practices of everyday life, going to the mall (he chuckles). Whatever, whatever it means to be sort of average American. And we kind of learn this way of life that we all think we are making our personal choices to do individual but as a matter of fact, all of us end up looking pretty much the same. All of us are choosing individually to do pretty much the same thing."
"I think, I think, the missional Emerging church is what I’m really interested in. And that can be a lot of different things, I really think that a mega church can be really fruitful and engaging in the world around it. And I think that a house church can be dead as dead. I don’t think the model matters, I think contextualization is the issue. That’s where I think we’re different from some groups that we’ve spoken with, not better, just different. "
"We’ve found so many redemptive things about using bicycles. About walking, about being in public places like the city parks and meeting people that if we were in a private place, we would never have got to see. So I think that’s been another wonderful thing about trying to be focused on the city and, you know, outward. Journeying out, the idea that the church needs to journey out. But in journeying out we’ve just discovered that we don’t have to come up with lots of clever things or even have money because God uses all kinds of ordinary circumstances, places, things in our lives to accomplish things in our lives."
"we believe that the gospel has got the best news, its better than what the liberals are offering, its better than what the local, thoughtful, beautiful activists are thinking, its better than all of that and its not even in competition with all of them, we can get alongside these people, with the gospel, find God already working and really see the gospel living and meeting every need in different dimensions of people’s lives. That means everybody can be involved at some level. And that’s the kingdom, we think the kingdom is real, Jesus already brought it in and we just get to somehow stumble into it and sometime only get glimpses of it."
"We just know it’s a long term view. It could be 20 years before we could say we have real friends. And that’s the attitude we have, it’s very slow and very steady."
"Kind of like we talked about the other night, some of us are trying to bring that up. All of us know it, all of us understand it, knows that that’s true. How does "Our community name here" effect that? We don’t know the answer, what we’re doing right now, because everyday’s a new day and we don’t know what we’re doing, in a good way, we just show up. That’s kind of been, it’s not that we don’t struggle with those issues. We read a lot from these people that are dealing with these big issues, global issues. But when you’re trying to balance that, oh there’s that word, well Jordace and Juan doesn’t have shoes or you know their clothes haven’t been washed in two weeks, you’ve got upfront, in your face need, this tends to pull more of your attention even though this is driving that."
"I guess it just feels like there’s no other agenda than to love and be with people. We’re built that way. I think once you get a taste of that, you need it. We’re built to function in that way, we’re not built to live in all our little isolated boxes and air conditioned cars wipping around, waving “hey!.”"
"You know, everybody wants the party at their house. Everybody wants to say we did this, look at us, give us the money, I don’t think it’s always about the money. But if all of those hearts and all of those resources came together even in just one little neighborhood, these kids wouldn’t be walking the streets, people would have so much more of what they need, it could be so beautiful. And instead, everybody wants the party at their house. "
"I don’t say that lightly when I say we love people because it can sound really, but we really do have people that we love and are connected to and have relationship with and want fuller relationship with. But it just never feels like enough. How can that be enough? And yet when you really start to dig into making bigger change, more systematic change, well then that generally means you have to build a big organization and sooner or later you have to have staff and paper work and grants and pretty soon you’re spending all your time….."
"How do they know we are Christians…starts singing”they will know we are Christians by our love..” It’s an excellent question and we kind of battled that, duked it out a little. It’s a hard place to find language for when you’re not living in the neighborhood. Are we there to convert people? No. Are we there? Yes. We’re not there to convert people but we want, like "Man in group" said, people to know the joy that we have and how different everything is when you have the love of God and when you really understand that God loves you. So do we talk about that enough? I don’t know. "
"But it’s not, it’s almost that we just love. And through that love they see Jesus in us, and that’s the idea. More so than you put the 10 commandments on the wall or whatever, kind of thing. And the conversation comes around, a lot. You know, you just get talking to somebody, and lots of the adults especially have read the bible a lot more than me. So if the conversation does come up, I’m running. And even for folks that can’t read, they’ve had to memorize from stories from other people. So its really amazing the know how much they know from the bible. Where I’ve got to go well I know that’s somewhere in John or Luke and then I’ve got to go do a search on the web where they can go oh yea because that’s their resource for the word of God so that’s always pretty amazing. So it’s not a one way thing, it’s kind of a two way thing too. So that’s where the Christianity is, more of a fellowship than a proselytizing, whatever that word is."
"So I think the solution for the middle class problem that is there, working too much too busy, got to have a Lexus or all those things, that is the answer. To meet Jesus in the poor. And when you do that, all those things become unimportant. Your wants, you realize, become unimportant when you realize that your friend’s, because you built relationships, needs are not being met. All of a sudden your want for a car is not important when your friend now can’t keep the house warm in the winter. All of a sudden takes on a whole different meaning. So that’s why the relationship thing is important because when it’s not us and them and its your friend who’s having the problem, all a sudden, who cares if you ever drive a new car. It goes away."
"I almost kind of think that we need to get over that we’re making a tuna fish sandwich over there [tonight’s meal, shared with people from the neighborhood] and it’s really if we can get more folks to come join us from the middle class, that’s really the ministry, that we do our ministry in our relationships here. "
"I’m asking, well how do you evangelize?
so I’m sitting in the backseat….you know you’re going to the food bank, you’re doing all that, but how do you, how are you ministering to these people, "Name"'s like, I’ll tell you the secret….drum roll please….this is it, he says. “they’re ministering to you”
I went, oh. Oh. I’m done with my question. So when I went to see them, they were not, they were trying to minister to me to change my life. You know, that was a pretty awesome moment. But that was a big thing. Are you printing tracks? I think about that all the time when I’m thinking “you doing this right” and well, defeated sounding, I don’t know…. "
"Jesus kind of did that too. Granted he fought the system, and it got him killed. We struggle with that the system that I was bucking happened to be this church that I was attending, kind of seemed to cause more animosity than not, even though I wanted them to buck the system with me, which I really thought was a great idea."
"We had our own dichotomy. There were people from particularly Conservative denominational backgrounds who didn’t believe in drinking or even going into bars because you should avoid the very appearance of evil. [sarcasm, laughter] you know, like Jesus did. Oh wait, no. And then we had people coming in from 12 step groups."
"But that is kind just our theory behind living in community, is that it’s a lot of giving, gifting of yourself and your time for the sake of others. "
"Well, we can go to Acts 2. The family of believers they had everything in common. Didn’t mean they were like, “really, you like watching lost, I like watching lost” they shared common resources, obviously, they had common faith. And so in some aspects its kind of like being in your church family all the time. It’s a lot harder to stumble away from your faith when everyday another believer in your house sees you and talks to you. "
"I think it is very much the way God intends for the body of Christ to be. I like it that, though, I know that the king james version says mansion, I’m averse to that translation, Jesus says in my father’s house there are many rooms. And so, heck, if we’re all going to be roommates in heaven, we could probably use the practice. "
"Its actually what we’re talking about right now as a discussion series at Colossians—stewardship isn’t just about money. Right now you’re stewarding this relationship that you found online and we’re doing our best to steward it for the sake of the kingdom. Later we might steward it for the kingdom by going out and having a beer and just encouraging one another, hanging out and having a good time. But stewardship is a big thing that needs to be rethought. It isn’t just about us, its about what God’s given us."
enjoy. post or email me comments on specific quotes, hopefully some are thought-provoking
"Dorothy Day, the founder of the Catholic Worker movement would say the sociologists call us intentional communities I like to say that we are communities of need. You know, communities of need, people that know that they are needy so they get together. Um, so intentional community is kind of a descriptive term from the outside but I take it to be a fairly true description that most of the people who are doing this thing are intentional about living together with other people who want to have a common way of life that points them towards the gospel. "
"welcome is the way that you acknowledge someone’s worth, you know recognize their dignity and shelter them"
"[sharing a meal]--: It’s a great leveler—everybody needs to eat. You all have to eat, great equalizer. There’s something important about taking nourishment together. Eating’s just a very…if you think somebody’s disgusting, eating with them, it freaks you out. You might ride next to them in the subway but you don’t want to eat with them, if they spit all over or they smell funny. So eating together really breaks down a lot of social inhibitions, its an act of having to care for someone, when you eat with someone, you provide food for them."
"I think we’ve learned to question some of the kind of radial simplicity that has come up out of the all-white communities and kind of not see that as another kind of righteousness that we need to cling to but rather try to be true to the relationships we have here. I feel like that’s something we’ve learned."
"Well we try not to be a charity. I am pretty convinced that bureaucracies impersonalize our relationships with people which creates dishonesty and all sorts of other nasty things and so we’ve been committed to not being a charity because we want to for one, have authentic relationships with people that we come in contact with but we also want to encourage the rest of the church to have real relationships. Jesus said, you know, the poor will always be with you and I don’t think he was saying so don’t worry about them I think he was saying you’ve got to build real relationship so that maybe there aren’t poor folk so that everyone has enough. "
"I think the charity thing kind of impersonalizes it. And for one thing it makes it easy for us to maintain our roles. The person we’re serving is the client and we’re the service provider in a sort of charity model. And so the maintenance of the model requires that we all stay in our roles. And so charity, sort of assumes we’ll always need the poor because like, that’s my job. (joking almost) If they’re aren’t any poor people, I lose my job. I’d rather say that in the kingdom of God Jesus invites rich and poor to live in an honest relationship with one another and to learn the economy of manna where you take what you need and you share the rest so that no one has need. We’re trying to figure out what that means."
"Yes, I think so. It seem to me that, sort of, Evangelical Christianity in America has kind of become a dominant religion that more or less supports the dominant culture and that I think is a sign of compromised Christianity in the history of the church, all the way back to when the Roman Empire became sort of officially Christian. "
"So what it seems to me is that people at the margins are always doing is trying to develop tactics to try and subvert the dominant system in ways that will point towards the kingdom of God. As opposed to developing a sort of grand strategy that sets up some sort of alternate empire. There’s no ground on which to set up an alternative empire because the culture is everything and us and also that assumes that we have a lot of power and control. I think that the sort of love that Jesus teaches leaves you without a lot of power and control. So its about sort of, you know, almost like guerilla warfare, to get the kind of tactics we need to within the world that is to try and subvert it and have little explosions of grace and God’s kingdom. "
"I think often times, especially in the modern world, we have kind of assumed that religion wasn’t about that stuff. Sometimes it’s said that religion’s not political or religion’s not social or the sociologists say that religion is all culture. I think actually, you know, America offers us a way of life. It comes through things like television commercials and public education and you know, the sort of practices of everyday life, going to the mall (he chuckles). Whatever, whatever it means to be sort of average American. And we kind of learn this way of life that we all think we are making our personal choices to do individual but as a matter of fact, all of us end up looking pretty much the same. All of us are choosing individually to do pretty much the same thing."
"I think, I think, the missional Emerging church is what I’m really interested in. And that can be a lot of different things, I really think that a mega church can be really fruitful and engaging in the world around it. And I think that a house church can be dead as dead. I don’t think the model matters, I think contextualization is the issue. That’s where I think we’re different from some groups that we’ve spoken with, not better, just different. "
"We’ve found so many redemptive things about using bicycles. About walking, about being in public places like the city parks and meeting people that if we were in a private place, we would never have got to see. So I think that’s been another wonderful thing about trying to be focused on the city and, you know, outward. Journeying out, the idea that the church needs to journey out. But in journeying out we’ve just discovered that we don’t have to come up with lots of clever things or even have money because God uses all kinds of ordinary circumstances, places, things in our lives to accomplish things in our lives."
"we believe that the gospel has got the best news, its better than what the liberals are offering, its better than what the local, thoughtful, beautiful activists are thinking, its better than all of that and its not even in competition with all of them, we can get alongside these people, with the gospel, find God already working and really see the gospel living and meeting every need in different dimensions of people’s lives. That means everybody can be involved at some level. And that’s the kingdom, we think the kingdom is real, Jesus already brought it in and we just get to somehow stumble into it and sometime only get glimpses of it."
"We just know it’s a long term view. It could be 20 years before we could say we have real friends. And that’s the attitude we have, it’s very slow and very steady."
"Kind of like we talked about the other night, some of us are trying to bring that up. All of us know it, all of us understand it, knows that that’s true. How does "Our community name here" effect that? We don’t know the answer, what we’re doing right now, because everyday’s a new day and we don’t know what we’re doing, in a good way, we just show up. That’s kind of been, it’s not that we don’t struggle with those issues. We read a lot from these people that are dealing with these big issues, global issues. But when you’re trying to balance that, oh there’s that word, well Jordace and Juan doesn’t have shoes or you know their clothes haven’t been washed in two weeks, you’ve got upfront, in your face need, this tends to pull more of your attention even though this is driving that."
"I guess it just feels like there’s no other agenda than to love and be with people. We’re built that way. I think once you get a taste of that, you need it. We’re built to function in that way, we’re not built to live in all our little isolated boxes and air conditioned cars wipping around, waving “hey!.”"
"You know, everybody wants the party at their house. Everybody wants to say we did this, look at us, give us the money, I don’t think it’s always about the money. But if all of those hearts and all of those resources came together even in just one little neighborhood, these kids wouldn’t be walking the streets, people would have so much more of what they need, it could be so beautiful. And instead, everybody wants the party at their house. "
"I don’t say that lightly when I say we love people because it can sound really, but we really do have people that we love and are connected to and have relationship with and want fuller relationship with. But it just never feels like enough. How can that be enough? And yet when you really start to dig into making bigger change, more systematic change, well then that generally means you have to build a big organization and sooner or later you have to have staff and paper work and grants and pretty soon you’re spending all your time….."
"How do they know we are Christians…starts singing”they will know we are Christians by our love..” It’s an excellent question and we kind of battled that, duked it out a little. It’s a hard place to find language for when you’re not living in the neighborhood. Are we there to convert people? No. Are we there? Yes. We’re not there to convert people but we want, like "Man in group" said, people to know the joy that we have and how different everything is when you have the love of God and when you really understand that God loves you. So do we talk about that enough? I don’t know. "
"But it’s not, it’s almost that we just love. And through that love they see Jesus in us, and that’s the idea. More so than you put the 10 commandments on the wall or whatever, kind of thing. And the conversation comes around, a lot. You know, you just get talking to somebody, and lots of the adults especially have read the bible a lot more than me. So if the conversation does come up, I’m running. And even for folks that can’t read, they’ve had to memorize from stories from other people. So its really amazing the know how much they know from the bible. Where I’ve got to go well I know that’s somewhere in John or Luke and then I’ve got to go do a search on the web where they can go oh yea because that’s their resource for the word of God so that’s always pretty amazing. So it’s not a one way thing, it’s kind of a two way thing too. So that’s where the Christianity is, more of a fellowship than a proselytizing, whatever that word is."
"So I think the solution for the middle class problem that is there, working too much too busy, got to have a Lexus or all those things, that is the answer. To meet Jesus in the poor. And when you do that, all those things become unimportant. Your wants, you realize, become unimportant when you realize that your friend’s, because you built relationships, needs are not being met. All of a sudden your want for a car is not important when your friend now can’t keep the house warm in the winter. All of a sudden takes on a whole different meaning. So that’s why the relationship thing is important because when it’s not us and them and its your friend who’s having the problem, all a sudden, who cares if you ever drive a new car. It goes away."
"I almost kind of think that we need to get over that we’re making a tuna fish sandwich over there [tonight’s meal, shared with people from the neighborhood] and it’s really if we can get more folks to come join us from the middle class, that’s really the ministry, that we do our ministry in our relationships here. "
"I’m asking, well how do you evangelize?
so I’m sitting in the backseat….you know you’re going to the food bank, you’re doing all that, but how do you, how are you ministering to these people, "Name"'s like, I’ll tell you the secret….drum roll please….this is it, he says. “they’re ministering to you”
I went, oh. Oh. I’m done with my question. So when I went to see them, they were not, they were trying to minister to me to change my life. You know, that was a pretty awesome moment. But that was a big thing. Are you printing tracks? I think about that all the time when I’m thinking “you doing this right” and well, defeated sounding, I don’t know…. "
"Jesus kind of did that too. Granted he fought the system, and it got him killed. We struggle with that the system that I was bucking happened to be this church that I was attending, kind of seemed to cause more animosity than not, even though I wanted them to buck the system with me, which I really thought was a great idea."
"We had our own dichotomy. There were people from particularly Conservative denominational backgrounds who didn’t believe in drinking or even going into bars because you should avoid the very appearance of evil. [sarcasm, laughter] you know, like Jesus did. Oh wait, no. And then we had people coming in from 12 step groups."
"But that is kind just our theory behind living in community, is that it’s a lot of giving, gifting of yourself and your time for the sake of others. "
"Well, we can go to Acts 2. The family of believers they had everything in common. Didn’t mean they were like, “really, you like watching lost, I like watching lost” they shared common resources, obviously, they had common faith. And so in some aspects its kind of like being in your church family all the time. It’s a lot harder to stumble away from your faith when everyday another believer in your house sees you and talks to you. "
"I think it is very much the way God intends for the body of Christ to be. I like it that, though, I know that the king james version says mansion, I’m averse to that translation, Jesus says in my father’s house there are many rooms. And so, heck, if we’re all going to be roommates in heaven, we could probably use the practice. "
"Its actually what we’re talking about right now as a discussion series at Colossians—stewardship isn’t just about money. Right now you’re stewarding this relationship that you found online and we’re doing our best to steward it for the sake of the kingdom. Later we might steward it for the kingdom by going out and having a beer and just encouraging one another, hanging out and having a good time. But stewardship is a big thing that needs to be rethought. It isn’t just about us, its about what God’s given us."
enjoy. post or email me comments on specific quotes, hopefully some are thought-provoking
Is anybody here?
Rachel Berryman came to visit me last night on her day off from art camp. It was absolutely amazing to see her, see something new and exciting on fire and light up inside of her spirit! I can't wait to watch her attack WM with new excitment. It was great to hear not only some about Prauge, but also her Eurotrip and this summer, it felt really special.
We wandered our way over to another part of Providence I hadn't been to yet--Atwell Ave, the Italian section, some have said the remanant of the mafia area of town I think? But its a pretty hoping street, we had pizza for dinner and wine and gelatto/cannoli dessert, it was pretty neat.
But we're walking over there, and I'm all excited to show Rachel this new city I've found, all the history I've discovered...and there's basically no one around, it seemed this small city was largely abandoned. I'm telling her stories of Providence Revitalization plans and then realizing that Providence is still working its way back to something right now. Its still a very small city--174,000 people. We would turn streets and we could walk in the street. It was odd to realize I live on the east-side busy section of town and pretty much the next consistently busy section is Atwell Ave, which requires a bit of walking to get to and a cut over 95.
I'd only been to Providence during the day really before, and I'd only stayed in the clearly downtown areas. I've done quite a bit of wandering and for the most part, now I've seen just about all there is to see of Providence in terms of major landmarks and areas. Maybe last night was a good time to notice a turning point, to notice that maybe this city isn't exactly what I thought it was, and what a good time to do it too.....with still 3 weeks left to explore.
I wonder if I could live in New England, poll, am I up for it?
We wandered our way over to another part of Providence I hadn't been to yet--Atwell Ave, the Italian section, some have said the remanant of the mafia area of town I think? But its a pretty hoping street, we had pizza for dinner and wine and gelatto/cannoli dessert, it was pretty neat.
But we're walking over there, and I'm all excited to show Rachel this new city I've found, all the history I've discovered...and there's basically no one around, it seemed this small city was largely abandoned. I'm telling her stories of Providence Revitalization plans and then realizing that Providence is still working its way back to something right now. Its still a very small city--174,000 people. We would turn streets and we could walk in the street. It was odd to realize I live on the east-side busy section of town and pretty much the next consistently busy section is Atwell Ave, which requires a bit of walking to get to and a cut over 95.
I'd only been to Providence during the day really before, and I'd only stayed in the clearly downtown areas. I've done quite a bit of wandering and for the most part, now I've seen just about all there is to see of Providence in terms of major landmarks and areas. Maybe last night was a good time to notice a turning point, to notice that maybe this city isn't exactly what I thought it was, and what a good time to do it too.....with still 3 weeks left to explore.
I wonder if I could live in New England, poll, am I up for it?
Saturday, July 15, 2006
A Year Later 7/15: Providence, RI, Brown Unv.
-------
I sometimes sit back and wonder how I ended up here, what my purpose is in this place. It is so different from what I thought I'd ever be doing. I'm never one really doing "random" things, hoping/praying they become purposeful, I'm much more likely to be doing purposeful things, on purpose, almost writing out their purpose for myself.
I can't help but think almost a year ago, I stood up in California and accepted a calling on my life, one I still intend to fulfill, to spend at least 2 years--though really, it was meant to be our lives, to be in service to the urban poor, whether through education, advocacy or incarnational ministry.
I remembered yesterday as I got the question from a group of kids about my eyebrow ring, this time instead of just giving them the stock answer of I went to thailand and came back and did it, I gave them the real story. I told them about the biblical idea of an ebeneezer, remembering God's faithfulness in our past as a way to trust for the future.......my reminder to myself that I have accepted God's calling on my life, I am set apart and that the rest of my life should begin to line up into that direction now.
How far away from that I am now.....
I know I am here for a reason.
I sometimes sit back and wonder how I ended up here, what my purpose is in this place. It is so different from what I thought I'd ever be doing. I'm never one really doing "random" things, hoping/praying they become purposeful, I'm much more likely to be doing purposeful things, on purpose, almost writing out their purpose for myself.
I can't help but think almost a year ago, I stood up in California and accepted a calling on my life, one I still intend to fulfill, to spend at least 2 years--though really, it was meant to be our lives, to be in service to the urban poor, whether through education, advocacy or incarnational ministry.
I remembered yesterday as I got the question from a group of kids about my eyebrow ring, this time instead of just giving them the stock answer of I went to thailand and came back and did it, I gave them the real story. I told them about the biblical idea of an ebeneezer, remembering God's faithfulness in our past as a way to trust for the future.......my reminder to myself that I have accepted God's calling on my life, I am set apart and that the rest of my life should begin to line up into that direction now.
How far away from that I am now.....
I know I am here for a reason.
Temptations of working for the Rich
As this week draws to a close, I reflect on how somewhat easy and really cushy this job has been.
The SPARK middle school parents pay I think somewhere in the range of $1,000-2,0000/week to send their kids to Brown to learn about science for a week, or basically a rich, smart kid version of camp. I say this knowing I am fairly wealthy by world standards, but is ceases to amaze me how spoiled or well-taken care of the kids here are.
For one, its camp. These kids all got college singles that are larger than the room that Laura and I together will share next year. Yes, there isn't airconditioning....but I haven't been hot at all, the weather is beautiful. There is no cleaning involved, unlike every other camp I've been to that required kitchen duty or bathroom cleaning, something. The food is great....well I'm not picky, but even when we leave campus we get catered lunches, no one is required to drink anything other than bottled water, we bought individual packets of popcorn for the movie, and the closing reception had pastieries and fresh fruit.....I mind you this is camp! Or maybe it really isn't.
I also see in myself here the strong temptation to get used to the ability here to live the "good life," and take all the perks that come along with being with the rich or working closely with them. I'm getting paid almost double what I got paid at KAA, and at the end of the day I'm really only working 14 days with kids, free room and board for about 3 other weeks involved, its crazy. I get free fancy pizza and ben and jerry's at least weekly, other free treats as well.
The parents have bought me presents on top of already paying tuition for their kids here. Amongst those things that I have received so far include a ton of leftover snacks, a brown nalgene bottle, a necklace, a sizeable Barne's and Noble gift card and $100 cash, and this is only for somewhat watching their kids for 6 days! Wow, how nice, yet how scary to think I could get used to this kind of showering of gifts.
The job of watching kids here is just so different than anything ever was at KAA--at KAA all free time/evening activities were for getting to know new kids and making sure you were with kids all the time, I remember the mantra "if you're with another counselor and there aren't tons of kids along...you are wrong!" When they got in trouble, we ran sprints with them. We only got 2.5 days off. I taught sports classes outside in the hot sun all day long. Seems worlds away now as I am able to shower daily, have my own room, use a computer and sleep in a real bed. But maybe this isn't comparable, it isn't really "camp." Here all the counselors hang out together during events, the kids are for the most part extremely well-behaved, and the problems are pretty much non-existent.
The SPARK middle school parents pay I think somewhere in the range of $1,000-2,0000/week to send their kids to Brown to learn about science for a week, or basically a rich, smart kid version of camp. I say this knowing I am fairly wealthy by world standards, but is ceases to amaze me how spoiled or well-taken care of the kids here are.
For one, its camp. These kids all got college singles that are larger than the room that Laura and I together will share next year. Yes, there isn't airconditioning....but I haven't been hot at all, the weather is beautiful. There is no cleaning involved, unlike every other camp I've been to that required kitchen duty or bathroom cleaning, something. The food is great....well I'm not picky, but even when we leave campus we get catered lunches, no one is required to drink anything other than bottled water, we bought individual packets of popcorn for the movie, and the closing reception had pastieries and fresh fruit.....I mind you this is camp! Or maybe it really isn't.
I also see in myself here the strong temptation to get used to the ability here to live the "good life," and take all the perks that come along with being with the rich or working closely with them. I'm getting paid almost double what I got paid at KAA, and at the end of the day I'm really only working 14 days with kids, free room and board for about 3 other weeks involved, its crazy. I get free fancy pizza and ben and jerry's at least weekly, other free treats as well.
The parents have bought me presents on top of already paying tuition for their kids here. Amongst those things that I have received so far include a ton of leftover snacks, a brown nalgene bottle, a necklace, a sizeable Barne's and Noble gift card and $100 cash, and this is only for somewhat watching their kids for 6 days! Wow, how nice, yet how scary to think I could get used to this kind of showering of gifts.
The job of watching kids here is just so different than anything ever was at KAA--at KAA all free time/evening activities were for getting to know new kids and making sure you were with kids all the time, I remember the mantra "if you're with another counselor and there aren't tons of kids along...you are wrong!" When they got in trouble, we ran sprints with them. We only got 2.5 days off. I taught sports classes outside in the hot sun all day long. Seems worlds away now as I am able to shower daily, have my own room, use a computer and sleep in a real bed. But maybe this isn't comparable, it isn't really "camp." Here all the counselors hang out together during events, the kids are for the most part extremely well-behaved, and the problems are pretty much non-existent.
SPARK Week one in Review 7/15
Well, week one is done.
Some highlights:
-a class called "forces of Nature," with 16 kids, we learned about weather, downloading weather maps and "wild weather"--hail, tornadoes, hurricanes, and lightning.
--as part of our class we spent a day in South County Rhode Island "coring" a piece of earth, done with a motor.....comes out as a long "tube" of dirt and sand in layers. The sand layer represent when the salt marsh we were measuring was over-run by the ocean with sand (indicates a major hurricane....they could measure as long as 5,000+ years back!).
-One kid in our class was self-reportedly more intelligent than all his peers at home. He asks questions constantly in class, often interrupting the ever-patient professor. He left the week with his evaluation saying he came to find smart kids and was disappointed these kids even didn't care as much about learning as he did. I say I could sympathize, but he had an obnoxious side as well.....the other part of his evaluation (he knew I was reading them) said "Kate was awful. Fire her."
--Evening activities were alright: bowling, laser tag and skating, a movie on campus, a talent show (RA fun dance!), and a bonafide middle-school dance! (the RAs were the only one's dancing except for a few bursts from scandelous girls or boys head banging). There were some mummy-slow dances as well.....good fun!
--Overall, the middle schoolers were fine. They were catty, the girls were mean to each other, they were odd around the boys, everyone's sense of humor was a little lame or just weird.....but with some patience and a good attitude, it was more than tolerable.
Some highlights:
-a class called "forces of Nature," with 16 kids, we learned about weather, downloading weather maps and "wild weather"--hail, tornadoes, hurricanes, and lightning.
--as part of our class we spent a day in South County Rhode Island "coring" a piece of earth, done with a motor.....comes out as a long "tube" of dirt and sand in layers. The sand layer represent when the salt marsh we were measuring was over-run by the ocean with sand (indicates a major hurricane....they could measure as long as 5,000+ years back!).
-One kid in our class was self-reportedly more intelligent than all his peers at home. He asks questions constantly in class, often interrupting the ever-patient professor. He left the week with his evaluation saying he came to find smart kids and was disappointed these kids even didn't care as much about learning as he did. I say I could sympathize, but he had an obnoxious side as well.....the other part of his evaluation (he knew I was reading them) said "Kate was awful. Fire her."
--Evening activities were alright: bowling, laser tag and skating, a movie on campus, a talent show (RA fun dance!), and a bonafide middle-school dance! (the RAs were the only one's dancing except for a few bursts from scandelous girls or boys head banging). There were some mummy-slow dances as well.....good fun!
--Overall, the middle schoolers were fine. They were catty, the girls were mean to each other, they were odd around the boys, everyone's sense of humor was a little lame or just weird.....but with some patience and a good attitude, it was more than tolerable.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Reviving Ophelia: Middle school development
Coinciding with the beginning of my time as a middle school science camp counselor, I got my hands on the book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.
This book has really opened up my eyes to seeing not only these girls but myself in a different light. Its actually a painful read.
I wonder if a book like this could really make me want to call myself a feminist--or at least challenge the fact that I have trouble labeling myself as such. The author states that women and young girls shy from women's empowerment because its seen as ironically, unfemine and basically taking a stand against the male race, well duh, this isn't new information. But I really felt challenged as I read it.....coming out of my adolscent "self-absorbed"(another concept she harps on, that young girls find themselves constantly at the center of their universe, not selfishly necessarily, but by nature....), but coming out of this stage of life or at least getting to watch these girls go through it, I have a lot more sympathy.
I want these girls to believe in themselves. I want them to value themselves for more than just being beautiful or an object to look at. I'm tired of hearing them say "I'm stupid," or purposely fail at an activity because they don't want to appear too engaged---both for the sake of the boys and the other girls around.
The author stresses how girls who are in the pre-adolescent phase are a wealth of livelihood and passions. I remember this in my own life, I read countless books about the Holocaust or weather or plane crashes or just about anything. My parents tell stories about me being loud and able to command a crowd....it seems very foreign to the self I became in adolescence, timid and scared to say the embarassing word, realizing the social sanctions for my actions or words.
The passions begin to subside with adolescence. She says during these adolescent years girls must learn that what they want to do and what is important to them is no longer as great of a priority as learning what it means to please others---which often accomipanies giving up your dreams. I remember in my own life the beginnings of the obssessions, whether hair, clothes, cliques, who was mad at who, categorizing people into my mind, trying to find a way to make sure that at least I wasn't at the bottom of the heap....and being heartbroken when I calculated that I was.
She says only in the post-adolescent years do girls again get a chance to regain or develop passions again, though many girls lose that part of their "selves" never to be found again. I feel thankful that I have begun to show passion again in my life, whether its a passion for my faith or justice or urban poverty, I've seen in the past few years a passion grow in myself that seemed dormant for a long time, lost to thoughts and time spent on obssessing over myself and who I needed to be in order to earn the love of others.
There were many times reading this in the midst of this experience I wanted to cry, times I want to intervene and tell them to stop being so self-absorbed or to stop being so mean to each other or to tell them their self-worth will not come in how sexually they dress or dance or how much attention they garner from others, even when it comes from putting down others.
It's been hearbreaking and has really made me think. So far I'm trying to compliment the girls I interact with more about the comments they make in class or the way they treat someone, avoiding compliments about their appearance or ability to remain silent. I'm trying to boost confidence, though I know that's something I'm not really going to be able to do, they'll have to learn for themselves.
I pity my parents also as I read it, I want to apologize.
This book has really opened up my eyes to seeing not only these girls but myself in a different light. Its actually a painful read.
I wonder if a book like this could really make me want to call myself a feminist--or at least challenge the fact that I have trouble labeling myself as such. The author states that women and young girls shy from women's empowerment because its seen as ironically, unfemine and basically taking a stand against the male race, well duh, this isn't new information. But I really felt challenged as I read it.....coming out of my adolscent "self-absorbed"(another concept she harps on, that young girls find themselves constantly at the center of their universe, not selfishly necessarily, but by nature....), but coming out of this stage of life or at least getting to watch these girls go through it, I have a lot more sympathy.
I want these girls to believe in themselves. I want them to value themselves for more than just being beautiful or an object to look at. I'm tired of hearing them say "I'm stupid," or purposely fail at an activity because they don't want to appear too engaged---both for the sake of the boys and the other girls around.
The author stresses how girls who are in the pre-adolescent phase are a wealth of livelihood and passions. I remember this in my own life, I read countless books about the Holocaust or weather or plane crashes or just about anything. My parents tell stories about me being loud and able to command a crowd....it seems very foreign to the self I became in adolescence, timid and scared to say the embarassing word, realizing the social sanctions for my actions or words.
The passions begin to subside with adolescence. She says during these adolescent years girls must learn that what they want to do and what is important to them is no longer as great of a priority as learning what it means to please others---which often accomipanies giving up your dreams. I remember in my own life the beginnings of the obssessions, whether hair, clothes, cliques, who was mad at who, categorizing people into my mind, trying to find a way to make sure that at least I wasn't at the bottom of the heap....and being heartbroken when I calculated that I was.
She says only in the post-adolescent years do girls again get a chance to regain or develop passions again, though many girls lose that part of their "selves" never to be found again. I feel thankful that I have begun to show passion again in my life, whether its a passion for my faith or justice or urban poverty, I've seen in the past few years a passion grow in myself that seemed dormant for a long time, lost to thoughts and time spent on obssessing over myself and who I needed to be in order to earn the love of others.
There were many times reading this in the midst of this experience I wanted to cry, times I want to intervene and tell them to stop being so self-absorbed or to stop being so mean to each other or to tell them their self-worth will not come in how sexually they dress or dance or how much attention they garner from others, even when it comes from putting down others.
It's been hearbreaking and has really made me think. So far I'm trying to compliment the girls I interact with more about the comments they make in class or the way they treat someone, avoiding compliments about their appearance or ability to remain silent. I'm trying to boost confidence, though I know that's something I'm not really going to be able to do, they'll have to learn for themselves.
I pity my parents also as I read it, I want to apologize.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
7/8 Newport Rhode Island
Today I went on one of the longest day-trips of my life (6:45 am-10:45pm) to Newport, Rhode Island.
Newport was the pleasure island of the rich and richer during the height of the gilded age. I wasn't sure what the sentiment was supposed to be going through these ginormous houses....wow? that's grossely overdone? I want this for myself? Wow, I should work harder to get this? This is beautiful?
The other thing that struck me was the Preservation Society. In Newport there is a large group of people who put a lot of effort into keeping these old homes open. Not just a lot of effort but tons of money--and volunteer hours. This got me thinking about the nature of volunteerism. Sociologists would tell us the idea of "volunteerism" has been born in a lot of ways out of white priviledge and separating the haves and have-nots in society. Often minority culture doesn't qualify the helping, its just duty or the right thing to do.
But in regards to the arts, its interesting how someone can volunteer, I guess put their time towards something of good-end (preservation of art, history and culture), and still never encounter the poor. I guess a lot of charity things do this. But volunteering is always seen as so honorable, such a "good thing to do," but this kind of volunteering is such a high-class form of volunteerism, you'd have to be somebody in order to snag this unpaid gig anyway.
Just thoughts.
Rest of day was good. Saw 2 mansions. Went on a 2 hour hike around the coast of the Atlantic, gorgeous rocky beaches I've been dying to see! Ate clam chowder, some dish called necks in a shell?, and drank Narragansatt Beer, a local beer. Watched the sunset from an Anorandak (sp?) chair and spoke with two older, recently retired women. It was a good day.
Newport was the pleasure island of the rich and richer during the height of the gilded age. I wasn't sure what the sentiment was supposed to be going through these ginormous houses....wow? that's grossely overdone? I want this for myself? Wow, I should work harder to get this? This is beautiful?
The other thing that struck me was the Preservation Society. In Newport there is a large group of people who put a lot of effort into keeping these old homes open. Not just a lot of effort but tons of money--and volunteer hours. This got me thinking about the nature of volunteerism. Sociologists would tell us the idea of "volunteerism" has been born in a lot of ways out of white priviledge and separating the haves and have-nots in society. Often minority culture doesn't qualify the helping, its just duty or the right thing to do.
But in regards to the arts, its interesting how someone can volunteer, I guess put their time towards something of good-end (preservation of art, history and culture), and still never encounter the poor. I guess a lot of charity things do this. But volunteering is always seen as so honorable, such a "good thing to do," but this kind of volunteering is such a high-class form of volunteerism, you'd have to be somebody in order to snag this unpaid gig anyway.
Just thoughts.
Rest of day was good. Saw 2 mansions. Went on a 2 hour hike around the coast of the Atlantic, gorgeous rocky beaches I've been dying to see! Ate clam chowder, some dish called necks in a shell?, and drank Narragansatt Beer, a local beer. Watched the sunset from an Anorandak (sp?) chair and spoke with two older, recently retired women. It was a good day.
7/7 New England has something to teach You
"New England has something to teach you about your faith." That's what one of the campus ministers here at Brown told me when we had coffee on Friday. He talks about his own process of having to deconstruct what "conversion" or even faith meant in light of this new setting.
We talked about how it was to be a Christian in a non-saturated (or Christendom) some would say kind of setting. He talks about it being very hard here. Their numbers of course are small. He is spread between 3 campuses. He talks about the parable of the sower, how here the soil is hard, its almost a post-Christian society. He says in the general process of helping transform people he has to do a lot of "weeding" out of lies or untruths about god, religion, christianity. Pluralism, definitely came up.
He says he was surprised by the way people responded to a Christianity based on social justice issues or even personal justice issues, but that in a lot of ways this area of the country wants to pretend sin doesn't exist (he did say they'd "lost the concept of sin"), that personal morality is unimportant. Maybe not exact words, but the general concept. Of course, we all know one cannot become too overly obssessed either in the personal morality or social justice directions....forgetting that the gospel is found somewhere in the intersection of all these things.
He also mentioned a generally lacking in this area of people calling people into conversion or transformation. I think what he was referencing is that a lot of people hear things from the church or Christians, either socially-related messages or whatever, they may like it or be drawn by god to these places or ministries, attending regularly even in some cases. However, the problem came that people were rarely being challenged to have transformation take place in their lives and selves.
It was not all bad.....
He talked about because "the ground is so hard," and being a Christian here can be so difficult when people grow up with little background to be rooted in, those that do survive and stay Christians tend to be very vibrant, lively Christians. We talked a lot about finding that middle ground between assimilating into the culture and becoming complacent and being too adversely affected by the culture and shocked to the point of inaction.
One interesting passage he referenced as Acts 17 where Paul goes into some city and sees they have tons of idols, so many they even have an idol to the "unnamed God," in case they forgot one. Instead of telling these people: damn you, you are hopeless and clearly idolatrous in extreme ways, Paul instead remarks "I see you are religious people....let me tell you about the God I know." Paul works with what the people have, with what's already in their system, what they can undestand. That's how he described ministry here.
On another note....
After I saw this guy, I walked over and joined the end of a visitors-welcome bible study going on in the student union. It was lead by a couple of his students, I didn't find out about it from him but instead from a poster. Turns out one of the guys there has 2 friends that go to the Wednesday night bible study I mentioned in an earlier entry. Those same people that lead that bible study also volunteer at a ministry the guy mentioned to me (3rd time this week I've heard abotu this service that goes on 1 hour from here). And of course, almost all of these people/minitries were referenced at church.
It is somewhat odd that I've pretty quickly networked into the christian scene here in providence. In other ways its really exciting and really refreshing, it creates a true feeling of an underbelly, a subculture that is alive and working.
We talked about how it was to be a Christian in a non-saturated (or Christendom) some would say kind of setting. He talks about it being very hard here. Their numbers of course are small. He is spread between 3 campuses. He talks about the parable of the sower, how here the soil is hard, its almost a post-Christian society. He says in the general process of helping transform people he has to do a lot of "weeding" out of lies or untruths about god, religion, christianity. Pluralism, definitely came up.
He says he was surprised by the way people responded to a Christianity based on social justice issues or even personal justice issues, but that in a lot of ways this area of the country wants to pretend sin doesn't exist (he did say they'd "lost the concept of sin"), that personal morality is unimportant. Maybe not exact words, but the general concept. Of course, we all know one cannot become too overly obssessed either in the personal morality or social justice directions....forgetting that the gospel is found somewhere in the intersection of all these things.
He also mentioned a generally lacking in this area of people calling people into conversion or transformation. I think what he was referencing is that a lot of people hear things from the church or Christians, either socially-related messages or whatever, they may like it or be drawn by god to these places or ministries, attending regularly even in some cases. However, the problem came that people were rarely being challenged to have transformation take place in their lives and selves.
It was not all bad.....
He talked about because "the ground is so hard," and being a Christian here can be so difficult when people grow up with little background to be rooted in, those that do survive and stay Christians tend to be very vibrant, lively Christians. We talked a lot about finding that middle ground between assimilating into the culture and becoming complacent and being too adversely affected by the culture and shocked to the point of inaction.
One interesting passage he referenced as Acts 17 where Paul goes into some city and sees they have tons of idols, so many they even have an idol to the "unnamed God," in case they forgot one. Instead of telling these people: damn you, you are hopeless and clearly idolatrous in extreme ways, Paul instead remarks "I see you are religious people....let me tell you about the God I know." Paul works with what the people have, with what's already in their system, what they can undestand. That's how he described ministry here.
On another note....
After I saw this guy, I walked over and joined the end of a visitors-welcome bible study going on in the student union. It was lead by a couple of his students, I didn't find out about it from him but instead from a poster. Turns out one of the guys there has 2 friends that go to the Wednesday night bible study I mentioned in an earlier entry. Those same people that lead that bible study also volunteer at a ministry the guy mentioned to me (3rd time this week I've heard abotu this service that goes on 1 hour from here). And of course, almost all of these people/minitries were referenced at church.
It is somewhat odd that I've pretty quickly networked into the christian scene here in providence. In other ways its really exciting and really refreshing, it creates a true feeling of an underbelly, a subculture that is alive and working.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
7/5 Bible Study
On Sunday when I went to the Renaissance Church, on my way out a girl stopped me, gave me her phone number and invited me to her Wednesday night group that a couple from the church lead.
Not doing anything Wednesday night, I went to what I thought would be a church-related small group or something. Actually turned out to be a non-affiliated bible study that she had found out about off of meeting someone from the bus! Ha!
I would actually venture to call it a house church/bible study. It was pretty amazing. About 20 people there, all my age or older (maybe 50-55 was the age cap?), evenly split men and women. People from all walks of life. We sat in a large circle, sang some songs, and then read Hebrews 10. It was amazing to see such a diverse group of people really getting a lot out of God's word, I didn't speak but just sat back and listened to the wisdom.
And who said New England was godless? (probably me, or at least I thought it.......wrong again).
Not doing anything Wednesday night, I went to what I thought would be a church-related small group or something. Actually turned out to be a non-affiliated bible study that she had found out about off of meeting someone from the bus! Ha!
I would actually venture to call it a house church/bible study. It was pretty amazing. About 20 people there, all my age or older (maybe 50-55 was the age cap?), evenly split men and women. People from all walks of life. We sat in a large circle, sang some songs, and then read Hebrews 10. It was amazing to see such a diverse group of people really getting a lot out of God's word, I didn't speak but just sat back and listened to the wisdom.
And who said New England was godless? (probably me, or at least I thought it.......wrong again).
7/4 Arrived in Providence, Great 4th
I have officially arrived at my most stable location for the summer in Providence, Rhode Island. I have been dreaming of visiting Rhode Island in specific and New England in general for a long time, this is great to finally be here and to be able to see what it is like. In the summer at least.
Transitions are always hard for me though, especially when I go into a situation where I'm supposed to be making new friends, like my job here as a summer RA for middle school students at Brown. My first day was a little rough. However, by the second day I really started to feel like I was connecting with the other RAs.
I also found this wonderful small church very close to campus called Renassiance Church that took me in and made me feel like family. I met many Texans there but mostly very friendly, loving people. I had several dinner invitations within an hour. It's great to see the people of God aren't changing with the location. I am continually getting to experience a lot of hospitality this summer. I'm learning that even that is not going to change when I'm in this location where I was expecting that to stop. Ha!
I got to spend a couple of days with my dear friend Greg in Massachusetts for the 4th. Greg is incredibly hospitable himself, always for all his friends as well. And on top of that he has a great group of friends, they are amazing and I feel so blessed to continue to get invited to spend time with all of them as well. Oh, and it added to my "states visited" count...Mass. down. 4th fireworks in Plymouth! great fun!....and a good acquaintance with the good folks of dunkin dounuts, and the mayflower replica....and the rock remains. Regardless, good times....and its only been 4 days!
Transitions are always hard for me though, especially when I go into a situation where I'm supposed to be making new friends, like my job here as a summer RA for middle school students at Brown. My first day was a little rough. However, by the second day I really started to feel like I was connecting with the other RAs.
I also found this wonderful small church very close to campus called Renassiance Church that took me in and made me feel like family. I met many Texans there but mostly very friendly, loving people. I had several dinner invitations within an hour. It's great to see the people of God aren't changing with the location. I am continually getting to experience a lot of hospitality this summer. I'm learning that even that is not going to change when I'm in this location where I was expecting that to stop. Ha!
I got to spend a couple of days with my dear friend Greg in Massachusetts for the 4th. Greg is incredibly hospitable himself, always for all his friends as well. And on top of that he has a great group of friends, they are amazing and I feel so blessed to continue to get invited to spend time with all of them as well. Oh, and it added to my "states visited" count...Mass. down. 4th fireworks in Plymouth! great fun!....and a good acquaintance with the good folks of dunkin dounuts, and the mayflower replica....and the rock remains. Regardless, good times....and its only been 4 days!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
6/30: Visiting a childhood I don't remember
Location: Princeton, New Jersey
Well, some of you may know this and others not. Before we moved back to Texas when I was 10, we spent almost 3 years living in Princeton, New Jersey. (Evidence for some for why I have no Texas accent).
I had not been back to this community since I was 10 years old. Some neighbor-friends picked me up from the train station (I had to ask someone if this was the right stop, so unfamiliar). The entire drive home until we turned on our street and I saw my old elementary school, we might as well have been any here, I had no idea.
By the next day though getting to go downtown and seeing the old Palmer’s square area, I did get to recognizing some pretty key areas. Most of the shops where I remember my family shopping have since been closed as more upscale and designer shops have moved in. The demographics of the place look about the same, much more diverse than where I come from now. It is still an ivy-league college town though it doesn’t seem to have a large student presence.
Another funny connection here, the church I went to in Princeton has strong ties with Shane and the simple way! The family I had ice cream with in the afternoon talked about seeing him and loving what his group does.
On another thought, having seen 3 of my friends from that era of my life (hadn’t seen any up to this point) within the past 48 hours, I’ve had several people tell me I’m just the same. And I do feel like most of the people I’ve seen have retained a lot of their personalities and qualities over that time period as well, not just physically but basically acting not too far from how they did in the past. I was lacking self-awareness at age 10 though, I wonder, was I obnoxious? Energetic? Interesting to think I haven’t changed.
I ventured over to my old home and got a look at my old house. The decorating looks similar in some places, my mom’s apple wallpaper. My friend and I had placed a time capsule in the closet of my house. We included lots of funny little items—a coin, a lock of my hair, some little toy, a math quiz. I also had a sheet all about my likes and dislikes. I liked (at age 7): my dog, reading…..disliked: hurting my dog(hmm), getting in fights with people (still my least favorite thing now!). There were some pretty funny spelling mistakes: favorite food: articokes. Favorite outfit: Sweat shits and turtle neaks. It was a fun discovery.
I really wonder what my life would have been like had we stayed. I grew up on a busy corner with a bus stop that went directly to NYC. The rest of downtown was walk-able from our home as well. On the other side of my house was the Princeton Jewish community center and synagogue. Since then I’ve lived in an isolated suburb and have had maybe 1-2 Jewish friends. Would I be a Christian? I certainly would’ve had a more culturally and religiously diverse group of friends.
Wasn’t meant to be obviously, as I’ve said to many people these past few days, Texas is home, it always feels that way. And it feels good.
Well, some of you may know this and others not. Before we moved back to Texas when I was 10, we spent almost 3 years living in Princeton, New Jersey. (Evidence for some for why I have no Texas accent).
I had not been back to this community since I was 10 years old. Some neighbor-friends picked me up from the train station (I had to ask someone if this was the right stop, so unfamiliar). The entire drive home until we turned on our street and I saw my old elementary school, we might as well have been any here, I had no idea.
By the next day though getting to go downtown and seeing the old Palmer’s square area, I did get to recognizing some pretty key areas. Most of the shops where I remember my family shopping have since been closed as more upscale and designer shops have moved in. The demographics of the place look about the same, much more diverse than where I come from now. It is still an ivy-league college town though it doesn’t seem to have a large student presence.
Another funny connection here, the church I went to in Princeton has strong ties with Shane and the simple way! The family I had ice cream with in the afternoon talked about seeing him and loving what his group does.
On another thought, having seen 3 of my friends from that era of my life (hadn’t seen any up to this point) within the past 48 hours, I’ve had several people tell me I’m just the same. And I do feel like most of the people I’ve seen have retained a lot of their personalities and qualities over that time period as well, not just physically but basically acting not too far from how they did in the past. I was lacking self-awareness at age 10 though, I wonder, was I obnoxious? Energetic? Interesting to think I haven’t changed.
I ventured over to my old home and got a look at my old house. The decorating looks similar in some places, my mom’s apple wallpaper. My friend and I had placed a time capsule in the closet of my house. We included lots of funny little items—a coin, a lock of my hair, some little toy, a math quiz. I also had a sheet all about my likes and dislikes. I liked (at age 7): my dog, reading…..disliked: hurting my dog(hmm), getting in fights with people (still my least favorite thing now!). There were some pretty funny spelling mistakes: favorite food: articokes. Favorite outfit: Sweat shits and turtle neaks. It was a fun discovery.
I really wonder what my life would have been like had we stayed. I grew up on a busy corner with a bus stop that went directly to NYC. The rest of downtown was walk-able from our home as well. On the other side of my house was the Princeton Jewish community center and synagogue. Since then I’ve lived in an isolated suburb and have had maybe 1-2 Jewish friends. Would I be a Christian? I certainly would’ve had a more culturally and religiously diverse group of friends.
Wasn’t meant to be obviously, as I’ve said to many people these past few days, Texas is home, it always feels that way. And it feels good.
6/29/06: DC with Three Friends.
This past 4 days I’ve have the privilege of getting to spend time with 3 friends, of mine, all separately providing something different for me. Let me describe them, funny if anyone can guess who they are.
My first friend has been my friend a long time. A very calm and calming person. This person, the more I spend time with them the more I value their place in my life. Not the kind of person, on further reflection, that I’m usually friends with at all. Despite some inherent differences, this person doesn’t seem to reject me too often. We make good companions for one another, this person is very easy, at least for me, to just “be” with in some sense or another. The character of this friend unfolds for me over time as well, I see how they express their care for me through what the love languages people would say are the gifts of acts of service and quality time. Though sometimes part of me can be easily offended by my friend not always wanting to listen to my long stories or ideas, taking a step back, I see they really do care, though in a different way. This person is loyal and will be a great provider someday, saying much with their actions. I’m glad we got to spend a lot of time together this past week, it was good to reconnect with someone familiar, chill out a little, and just enjoy this person’s company.
My second friend, is energetic and enthusiastic. This person, though, when not buzzing off of sheer joy and love of life, has a very caring side. It was wonderful to reconnect with this friend to catch up on some things we’ve each been learning this summer. I’m continually impressed with the increasing maturity of this friend of mine, humbly recognizing where they’d been at fault recently. This friend will be the kind of person who keeps up with friends long after college, making a point of seeing various people on a regular basis. Though our time was short, it was good to see this person in a new habitat and see how they’re handling the “working world,” and that is with amazing grace and enthusiasm.
My third friend, very different from the first two, was someone I hadn’t seen in almost 12 years. Amazingly, we got along just fine and had a great conversation. Funny how 3rd graders can pick cool friends too. We lead very different lives now, my friend how boasting a strong interest in “political philosophy,” manifest in their love of their think-tank job and strong engagement with the world around them. I loved the excitement of this interaction, getting to basically catch up on 12 years of life, wow, how to go about it? I really hope to stay I touch with this friend though, recognizing how culturally active and just flat-out interesting they are. It was a great afternoon, good to see how generally enthusiastic and friendly this person was.
I have some great friends.
My first friend has been my friend a long time. A very calm and calming person. This person, the more I spend time with them the more I value their place in my life. Not the kind of person, on further reflection, that I’m usually friends with at all. Despite some inherent differences, this person doesn’t seem to reject me too often. We make good companions for one another, this person is very easy, at least for me, to just “be” with in some sense or another. The character of this friend unfolds for me over time as well, I see how they express their care for me through what the love languages people would say are the gifts of acts of service and quality time. Though sometimes part of me can be easily offended by my friend not always wanting to listen to my long stories or ideas, taking a step back, I see they really do care, though in a different way. This person is loyal and will be a great provider someday, saying much with their actions. I’m glad we got to spend a lot of time together this past week, it was good to reconnect with someone familiar, chill out a little, and just enjoy this person’s company.
My second friend, is energetic and enthusiastic. This person, though, when not buzzing off of sheer joy and love of life, has a very caring side. It was wonderful to reconnect with this friend to catch up on some things we’ve each been learning this summer. I’m continually impressed with the increasing maturity of this friend of mine, humbly recognizing where they’d been at fault recently. This friend will be the kind of person who keeps up with friends long after college, making a point of seeing various people on a regular basis. Though our time was short, it was good to see this person in a new habitat and see how they’re handling the “working world,” and that is with amazing grace and enthusiasm.
My third friend, very different from the first two, was someone I hadn’t seen in almost 12 years. Amazingly, we got along just fine and had a great conversation. Funny how 3rd graders can pick cool friends too. We lead very different lives now, my friend how boasting a strong interest in “political philosophy,” manifest in their love of their think-tank job and strong engagement with the world around them. I loved the excitement of this interaction, getting to basically catch up on 12 years of life, wow, how to go about it? I really hope to stay I touch with this friend though, recognizing how culturally active and just flat-out interesting they are. It was a great afternoon, good to see how generally enthusiastic and friendly this person was.
I have some great friends.
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