"They're real people too"

My friend Nate used to espouse about his summer he spent as a middle school youth assistant at a church. Sometimes I thought he was crazy. Long, flowery ideas about talking to middle schoolers, all in their juxtaposed worlds--one minute they're giggling over boys or silly jokes, the next they're making a profound observation on the world. Or, in the case of my science camp, talking about some abstract concept I don't even begin to understand.

But Nate said something else, maybe this part was more recent--he made the point that middle schoolers were people too. It didn't really sink in much until this week.

The night before our second batch of kids I went out for sushi with a couple of ras and we talked about ourselves and what we liked to do. I told them I didn't really care for kids much, would really rather do much anything else than spend time with kids.

I'm beginning to think that that is beginning to change some, or at least I'm coming to some self-realization. I actually do like talking to these kids at this camp, maybe in some way they've reached that point of being beyond "kids" to me, they can hold semi-intelligent/pointed conversations, tell me about their lives at home, what they want to be----and its not all trivial. They have interests and passions, desires and goals. In essence, they are real people too.

I would rather catch up with the girls from my floor or talk to the boys and girls in my class than sit around with the ras or a book most of the time, it seems dis-engaged to not try to get to know them as individuals. I see myself taking the attitude I take with orientation so often---that each person has a story, and I'm not doing my job properly until I attempt to have a few good conversations with each person, and at least show them that they matter to me and that I want to know more about them--in essence, validating the fact that they are people too.

Realization 2: I may someday wish to have children. Yes, probably not a shocker, but I'm not quite sure I'd ever gotten past the self-centered ideas of wanting kids, thinking ohh it'd be fun to make their lunch or dress a little girl, or I'd love to be a mom---all reasons tied to myself.

But I think that's beginning to be refined as well. No worries mom and dad, not thinking of having kids anytime soon (10 years maybe?). I was reading this book Snow Flower and the Secret Fan about a young girl who grows up, marries and has children. At a later point in the book, she reflects on how wonderful it is to see her children grow, to see them develop into different people, thinking individuals, not just objects of affection anymore. Watching her children become people of interest and intrigue that she has the priviledge to have such close, permanent relationship--in essence, watching her children become/be real people too.

Made me think motherhood maybe is something more, maybe something I'd want someday. Sounds silly, but really was kind of a turning point, thinking beyond myself to possibly wanting a child for non-selfish reasons.