Reviving Ophelia: Middle school development

Coinciding with the beginning of my time as a middle school science camp counselor, I got my hands on the book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.
This book has really opened up my eyes to seeing not only these girls but myself in a different light. Its actually a painful read.

I wonder if a book like this could really make me want to call myself a feminist--or at least challenge the fact that I have trouble labeling myself as such. The author states that women and young girls shy from women's empowerment because its seen as ironically, unfemine and basically taking a stand against the male race, well duh, this isn't new information. But I really felt challenged as I read it.....coming out of my adolscent "self-absorbed"(another concept she harps on, that young girls find themselves constantly at the center of their universe, not selfishly necessarily, but by nature....), but coming out of this stage of life or at least getting to watch these girls go through it, I have a lot more sympathy.

I want these girls to believe in themselves. I want them to value themselves for more than just being beautiful or an object to look at. I'm tired of hearing them say "I'm stupid," or purposely fail at an activity because they don't want to appear too engaged---both for the sake of the boys and the other girls around.

The author stresses how girls who are in the pre-adolescent phase are a wealth of livelihood and passions. I remember this in my own life, I read countless books about the Holocaust or weather or plane crashes or just about anything. My parents tell stories about me being loud and able to command a crowd....it seems very foreign to the self I became in adolescence, timid and scared to say the embarassing word, realizing the social sanctions for my actions or words.

The passions begin to subside with adolescence. She says during these adolescent years girls must learn that what they want to do and what is important to them is no longer as great of a priority as learning what it means to please others---which often accomipanies giving up your dreams. I remember in my own life the beginnings of the obssessions, whether hair, clothes, cliques, who was mad at who, categorizing people into my mind, trying to find a way to make sure that at least I wasn't at the bottom of the heap....and being heartbroken when I calculated that I was.

She says only in the post-adolescent years do girls again get a chance to regain or develop passions again, though many girls lose that part of their "selves" never to be found again. I feel thankful that I have begun to show passion again in my life, whether its a passion for my faith or justice or urban poverty, I've seen in the past few years a passion grow in myself that seemed dormant for a long time, lost to thoughts and time spent on obssessing over myself and who I needed to be in order to earn the love of others.

There were many times reading this in the midst of this experience I wanted to cry, times I want to intervene and tell them to stop being so self-absorbed or to stop being so mean to each other or to tell them their self-worth will not come in how sexually they dress or dance or how much attention they garner from others, even when it comes from putting down others.

It's been hearbreaking and has really made me think. So far I'm trying to compliment the girls I interact with more about the comments they make in class or the way they treat someone, avoiding compliments about their appearance or ability to remain silent. I'm trying to boost confidence, though I know that's something I'm not really going to be able to do, they'll have to learn for themselves.

I pity my parents also as I read it, I want to apologize.