PAPA (People Against Poverty and Apathy) festival 6/22-6/25

Location: Meryville, Tennesse

I just spennt four days at a festival that would likely resemble a Christian woodstock to any outsider--no showering, everyone in tents, shared food and lots of rock bands.

At first I struggled with feeling that in order to be a Christian choosing to living in Christian intentional service community (what I've been studying, sorry for the plethora of buzz words), I needed to buy into this accompanying culture--the dred locks, the self-made clothing, obssession with organic foods, the ultra thin body, lack of showering for days, not shaving, etc. I felt so much pressure to be of the "festival type" the out-doorsy person who loves outdoor-music and that whole scene.

Ad of course this was two-fold, once I realized that I didn't need to be of that strain to rightly follow Jesus--I easily saw myself judging and looking down on those who fit so easily into this culture. I prayed throughout my time there that I would stop being so judgmental and being to see the purity of heart in these people that the world would see as overly pierced, tatooed and apathetic (ironically).
The last morning I watched as we centered around the communion, everyone--whether dreded hair, preppy, conservative dressed-Bruderhod or openly bisexual Christians---and we all were humbled. I was finally able to look around and see followered of Christ. A man with a cow/bull-like pierced nose, tatooed face and body and long dreded blond hair and a biker vest passed by me quietly singing "alleliuia" to himself. It was beauitufl, as strange as it was, as juxtaposed as so much felt this weekend.

I felt like a stranger to this crowd--but loved and cared for by the group I came with, the wonderful Lewises who have been introduced into my life again (couple from Shreveport), this group I met up with that fed/housed/drove me. It was a day I had to reflect that I really know no one here--but yet I did, the bond of Christ and a common pursuit of attempting to follow Jesus had blinded me from remembering just how out of place I was in this place.

Do I stop liking things when they become trendy? When it seemed the mobs who'd read Shane's book and had their "world wrecked" or believed it to be the greatest book of our generation.....all came to this conference seeking out community living, or wanting to join the simple way like every philadelphia groupie.....I don't know, do I want community living? do I want to be a servant?

However, Jesus isn't trendy, though he might have felt that way this weekend.

I am fairly confused, not knowing whether I really desire to be a part of any of this anymore. Another subtle feeling that this whole figuring out what's next in my life just won't be that easy. But i take it as God's little way of showing me with all these quiet "nos" in the stirrings of my heart this summer that he will take care of me, like he has each time before, that this slightly uncomfortable feeling I get looking at the stated options for my future, that I just need to learn to trust.