An Answer to Prayer--frozen yogurt?

So today on campus--having taken my usual really long walk from the bus to campus....I was dead tired. I had all of these things I was carrying.....and I needed to take those things across campus.

I prayed one of those prayers you always feel kind of guilty praying--like you're testing God. I said God--send me a student I know to come take these things from me so I don't have to walk across campus right now.

And of course--he did! Not only did I run into one of my students who was walking across campus right where the baked goods needed to be--but also she had already gotten me frozen yogurt from the dinning hall(my favorite, vanilla soft serve, hint hint).

So God not only meets needs--he also exceeds our expectations. And with the loving care that only a good friend would have. I didn't just need a resting break--I'd thrive with some good frozen yogurt.

Dumpster Diving

Last night....myself and a few friends went dumpster diving. If you are unfamiliar with the term, I suggest doing a google search. Essentially we went behind several establishments and recovered/redeemed...whatever flowery term you want to choose....leftover food that had been thrown out. Most were posted to expire today.
Great experience! For one--well the adventure is great....two, legally, we're pretty sure it's ok. But the best is the feeling of surprise....what will you get? a chocolate cake? broccoli? apple pie--4 apple pies? All of the above of course! We kept a lot of bread because that keeps very well in the freezer. I had enough muffins to feed the table of interested students today on campus.
It's a great way to make the best of otherwise unused resources--and especially to get the kind of "junk food" I'd never allow myself to buy otherwise!

Creepy Outsider

So yea. IV staff sounds just so cool. And even from the student perspective--I liked the "staff," these people seemed to have it together, conversed and interacted with non-christians well and the like.
But geez is it hard. For one, it's just simply weird when you think about it that I'm a college graduate--not even from Georgetown....waltzing onto campus every day. Maybe it feels weird because I know that most of the people looking back at me don't know I don;t go to school here.

It seems to easy to fall into the pattern of only knowing intervarsity students. What other legitimacy do I have to be here? Am I supposed to go along as though I'm a freshman again, making friends and getting involved......in my off time? Then only to later "spring" on people that.......oh yea, I'm not actually in college......I just hang out here alot.....um, yea I do get paid....well........

Also what's dawning on me a bit is how much this is throwing me into Christian culture in a way I've never really experienced before as well. In my experience, I was often the person who semi-affiliated with InterVarsity, went to a lot of things....but in some ways prided myself on my semi-diaffiliation and ability to be present in multiple communities on campus....never too deep in the Christian one. Here--well, IV is my job. Identifying with it--well that's kind of inherent.

Today when we were doing surveys on campus......(WM IV has done surveys for years, I've never directly participated, mostly as an Orientation Aide, but still).....and guess who was the one going up to people asking them to fill out a survey asking them whether they believed in God? What did they think was the greatest moral issue? Did their belief in God affect the way they lived? Would they like to be contacted about a Bible Study. Yes it works, people do sign up....however, its just not my usual position. I get a high voice....and start apologizing for what I'm doing--"It will only take a few minutes"...."Umm...it's about beliefs on campus"...."No, you don't have to give your name."

What about this idea that we're offering people "living water"--that Jesus isn't some kind of excusable, throw-away toy.....but the most thirst-quencing, life-giving, exciting thing.....well ever?!? Is that lost in this? I don't think so--but when I act like I'm embarassed to be doing it--well yes, it is.

It will be a challenge to be in many ways representing the institution in this job (must I?). I'm not sure how I'll adjust to this new kind of paradigm. I also don't think I need to feel sucked in or like I've suddenly started in some way "working for the man." How will I be true to myself? my God? My general tendency to draw closer to the non-core group people? What will this look like? Will I get bored?

A prayer for sleep....all too appropriate

Nighttime can be a time of worries....list making......I know this is true of myself and my mother especially......a prayer I found from the book of common prayer:

"Be present, most merciful God, and protect us through the silent hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this world, may take rest in Your abiding changelessness. Through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Growing up is hard to do

My parents visited me here this past weekend.....new city, new friends, new job.......new everything.

It was a mixed bag. For one, it was wonderful to see them. This past month has been all things hard, stressful, stretching and uncertain.....between moving here without a place to live, moving in with strangers, and not really starting my job until this weekend......it's not been a smooth transition. Don't get me wrong--its an amazing blessing to literally walk into a community of people here, a job I'm very excited about and a life full of a lot of potential.

I was very thankful to have my mother's shoulder to cry on, literally and express genuine emotions. So many people do not have honest relationships with their families--and I am thankful for how my parents take me as I am and don't make me feel like I have to "try" too hard ever.

Regardless, being an overachiever about life in general, I do try to do things right for them. At this--well I didn't quite live up to par. I got us thoroughly lost a few times, coupled with my bad city/tourist driving....left us all a little frazzled at the end of the day. I was disappointed things didn't quite work out right--couldn't get dinner together with all the housemates and couldn't walk around downtown Washington.

It is difficult to communicate often the honesty of the emotions I am feeling in so many of these situations so far--coupled with the realistic potential and hope I see. I know currently they are anxious and empathetic on behalf of me--I am thankful for this but also pray that I will be able to move us all into an active hope and trust that this will all come together. My job will start. I will be able to become better friends with the girls I'm living with and others. We will find some way to interact with the neighborhood.

But for now, I am thankful to have them around as a reminder that I don't always have to be put together or "on top of everything"--sometimes it's ok to fall apart, cry, complain and just plain not know what to do.

Anacostia, a general description of my impressions so far

Anacostia is the name of the neighborhood here "East of the River" as we say. The District is a small area with 2 rivers cutting from the bottom. To the west bellow the river is Virginia, to the east, the area is still in the district--it's just the part no one goes to. The sewage treatment plant is there, an army base is there.....and well the poor people are there too. But it's actually starting to gentrify quite abit. Whether I'll feel great purpose in being here in 10 years.....well we'd have to see. Anacosita could become prime real estate.

But for now its an all-black neighborhood (though i've heard rumors of another white family/group), mostly low income. There are problems with drugs, prostitution, teenage pregnancy, poor nutrition......but from where we are and what I've seen so far, honestly its a bit difficult to tell, that that's the case. Funny in some ways, knowing its here mostly by the plethora of non-profit organizations doting every street corner--but also probably some ingrained prejudice in me that somehow knows that an all-black neighborhood is probably ridden with social problems.

There are also two general sections of the neighborhood--the more business/busy area of town where more of the non-profits are, the businesses, and also more of the violence and crime. Of course, being so new to town, I'm probably missing things taking place right in front of my eyes as well. But where we are living is actually pretty quiet and residential. Most of the people on our block are elderly or have grown children--some own their homes or at least have lived here for 10years+. It is a stable area. Our neighbors are friendly--but we also don't have best friends just yet either.

The other day when I went on a historic walking tour of Anacostia the tour guide was talking about economic development in the area and how people in the neighborhood--as residents, living daily lives, want more business and retail in the area--and less nonprofit organizations. She said, for her, seeing all the nonprofit organizations gave the idea that her neighborhood was only a charity case to others, not worthy of sitdown restaurants or a coffee shop. I was really struck by this point of hers....and now living here myself....I'd have to say, a part of me agrees--with hestiance, trying to understand the implications of that opinion, but interested nonetheless.

I also went to a play in the business section of Anacostia the other day about violence against women. It was a more diverse crowd than I'd seen in the neighborhood so far, white and black people attended. My gut reaction sometimes is to think things like the arts and money coming in is bad--but then I also have to wonder what kind of progress am I really hoping for around here anyway?

Song Dedication

So my college friends are a little weird. We call ourselves WMHHA (William and Mary Head Hunters Association).....we have a weekly TTT (totally tubular Thursday)....a few videos to our name....and a yearly CD. On each CD each member of our group gets a song dedicated to them--to encompass "who they are."

Looking at this year's selection the cd-people made for me....I'm struck by how I changed over my time in college.

My freshman year Tore gave me the song: Spindoctor's "little miss can't be wrong"
sophomore year, don't know what happened
but somewhere in there I made a significant shift in my life....
junior year: I got Bob Marley's "Redemption Song"
senior year: "World's on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan

You can see.......I went from well........something else to social causes person...an interesting shift to see how my friends picked up on it as well.

A long time Stewing

About a month ago I read "Is God to Blame?" a book about suffering in the world and how we often believe/say/act as though God has placed difficult circumstances in our lives to "teach us something" or it's all part of his ultimate plan.....it's just that this one part of this ultimate plan is horrible to endure (death, natural disaster, divorce).

In some ways this book adds to the plethora of writing on the predestination/free will debate; however, it doesn't present itself as mostly trying to challenge predestination as much as challenging comments that would state God would purposely cause suffering and destruction.

For awhile, having strongly adhered to presdestination-like thinking, this book has really started to change a lot of the way I think and approach people in the world.....or at least serving as the catalyst for some of the things I've been learning over the past couple of years.

It seems easy, well at least acceptable when life doesn't go well, a relationship isn't working, an event isn't coming together....to state "well it must not be what God wants." As though we have this idea of God's plan and purpose as a large mosaic that every problem must be God's design. This is often posed to me by others as "you must be pushing God"....obviously what you're doing isn't God's will.

This book challenges the idea that we could ever really know God's will.....as though its a zero-sum game.....if something works out, bam, we're in God's will.......if it seemingly isn't working....well, of course we must be not doing what God wants. Instead the author suggests that God's will is massive, encompassing the entirety of human existence and history....for us to assume any kind of understand of that, why God made a person die for instance, is crazy.

Theological thinking of this sort doesn't come easy for me....and well, of course turning over things about God and faith you believed to be true and reconsidering them can be even more difficult, willingness to change a worldview even.


So if we're to drop this kind of fatalistic, blueprint worldview that "God causes problems because he wants to, we can't understand the great plan of God" kind of thinking....where are we to turn?

This author suggests understanding God and his purposes to resemble more of a battle-mentality. To imagine that God is out fighting for and looking for the good of those who love him. God WILL work all together for the good of those who love him....doesn't mean he necessarily caused the problem in life, but he's out to fix it and make it right. God is against, not behind, all the evil in the world. Under the blueprint worldview we learn to accept evil things as coming from God.

The author cites several instances when Jesus challenges the blueprint worldview of those around him. Jesus' ministry shows that God's will is not uniformly being carried out in the world "on it's own power"--he must intervene and heal someone, give someone back their dignity. He shows we shouldn't accept infirmies and afflictions as coming from the hand of God.

Jesus instead opperates under the warfare worldview, seeking to go out and do the father's will in the world, to literally bring the kingdom to earth. God will work on the behalf of those who love him.


There are huge implications for social action and social justice in this, instead of excusing the passivity of the church or individuals to get involved in a cause or in helping someone in trouble because "God will take care of it"--we should ACT on behalf of the oppressed, the poor, the widow. God desperately wants for their best, we should too. We are the Lord's coworkers in this battle against those who oppose him.


It also has implications for prayer. Some people believe prayer is only done to change ourselves,not change the will of God--what if this was true? Why would Jesus then say that with prayer we can move mountains? Why would Jesus then teach us to ask God for things? This shows us an urgency instead in prayer.

I haven't totally digested the portion about individual salvation--it is difficult to believe there is anything at all we can do to make a holy God "choose" us. This isn't what the author suggests, I'm just still a bit fuzz on what his arugment in this section actually is.


But this book has changed a lot of how I've viewed the world in the past month--when the house here wasn't coming together, when I was nervous about moving in--well to assume it was God obviously telling us no......just couldn't be. Sometimes good things require a wait. And conversly we could say that maybe Satan was working to not bring us together as a community here. It is difficult to fully extend and attempt to divine God's will in this situation as well. But regardless, I continue to be challenged by this book.

New in the Neighborhood

I've just spent my 4th night here east of the river in Fairlawn/Anacostia. So far I've felt relatively isolated and incapable.

It's kind of a weird thing--this version of urban "ministry." We don't have any major plans for programs, outreach events, open meals, or after school programs. Instead we want to explore just being good neighbors and loving those we come across. Sounds really nice, but what does that actually look like?

Well, I'm finding without set programs and the confines of scheduled events, it's not very easy to meet people. Now, I'm not saying I think we're going about things incorrectly and instead we need to "start" something--I just think this way of doing things is probably messier and takes a bit more time.

It is more time-consuming to build relationships than just have a giver/receiver relationship built by charities and service opportunities. There is no set beginning or end to a relationship--whereas an after school program or event gives us a schedule within which to begin and end our time together. When you're neighbors.....well you live next to each other all the time.


But still at this point, being home by myself most days....I'm finding it difficult to interact. Maybe I should sit outside more? Walk around? maybe. I'm still not over the unsettled feeling of always having people look at me when I walk around or get on a bus--the only white person in a given group.

Moved in!

In the past week....my computer's died...so I've been very slow on all my outside communication!

We moved in a lot of our things to our new home in Washington DC. It's in neighborhood called Fairlawn east of the Anacostia River. It's on a very busy/residential street with a lot of traffic, we got to say hello to a lot of the surrounding people today.

pictures and stories to follow soon.