Reading: Gandhi

This quote from Gandhi's autobiography has struck me recently.... (reminds me of many things Christians say about making vows as well).

The importance of vows grew upon me more clearly than ever before.

I realized that a vow, far from closing the door to real freedom, opened it. Up to this time I had not met with success because the will had been lacking, because I had had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt. I realized that in refusing to take a vow man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertinism to a real monogamous marriage. 'I believe in effort, I do not want to bind myself with vows,' is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for the thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty in making a final decision ? I vow to flee from the serpent which I know will bite me, I do not simply make an effort to flee from him. I know that mere effort may mean certain death. Mere effort means ignorance of the certain fact that the serpent is bound to kill me. The fact, therefore, that I could rest content with an effort only, means that I have not yet clearly realized the necessity of definite action.'But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow ? ' Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced.

Recent Events

So I'm still stinking at keeping up with this blogging thing!

But of late here's what I've been up to....

Last week, left for DC for good,
Spent a great night with Cat Esguerra in the heart of DC!
Headed straight up to New Jersey for Laura and Chris' wedding.

The wedding: It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Laura and Chris as so great....the minister went on and on about how they "got it"--and they do. What wonderful people and I can't be any happier for them and their new life together. What a blessing that we were all able to be there to share it---fulfilling laura's dreams (I hope) of having all the people she loves come together. I got to know some of her home friends--like Becky! awesome.

Next it was onto Camden, NJ with Janelle for some great time between Urban Promise and Camden House in South Camden. I got to visit my good friend Sean as he started a new job in Philadelphia quite a bit. We all went to Sacred Heart catholic church for Sunday services for a great service, I love how warm and inviting the place is.

I got to touch base with the folks of Camden House and spent some of Monday with the interns--the son of people I know from another community and several of his friends. And I got to see one of the hosue residents I've met.....well I think 3 times now! Small world!
We had a great discussion about community life, post-college aspirations and families. I was enriched meeting these people.

Monday afternoon I ran into several WM people who were working at Urban Promise for the summer--Julia, Sam, and Kelly. It was interesting to hear how different summer experiences can be from a short spring break spent in the city. I had dinner with another William and Mary alum--Mike Errion visiting at the same time! amazing! It was great to see the city "from the other side" with him.

Philadelphia was also great....yea great, great, great. But it was fun to see where Sean's living and working and spend some time getting to know his neighborhood....and walk all the way to the liberty bell! It will be a good place for him to live for the next couple of years.


Now--after a whirlwind week....I'm back in Washington, finishing up fundraising and trying to get life together here. I had dinner with family in Vienna last night---tons of fun!

Back in the city today I attended a conference on Empowering Women in the Developing world....ran into Cosmo's brother associated with Students Helping Honduras....and several Georgetown students/alums.

Currently....well my computer died at least for theday.....but I'm in the William and Mary alumni office....ironically only a few buildings away from the conference......it's a wonderful home-away-from-home.....and voila! They gave me plans to do even two things tomorrow night! Lots of fun!

A Song I've Liked Recently

Awakening, Sara Groves

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind, But disected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portait.
Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it's not hard at all. To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.
And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.

Revisiting: Christian Hippies, a year later

I've avoided blogging recently--whether it's because I'm afraid of who's looking now or once I'm out of habit--I get further and further from being able to form my words into concise entries.....well for my own good, I need to keep this going.

I've waited a week on this one--not my style.

Last week I went to visit some of my New Monastic friends in Louisiana. I had sent them my final paper about a month before. It was a wonderful time to connect not only with good friends who are dealing with the same questions as mine--but also to see some reflections off of what I'd found over my year of studying the movement.

A year is a long time, I found. The community's had some difficult times--but when I think about my past year--well my life hasn't been all roses either. What they pointed out to me as they "aired their dirt"--this isn't how the church works. I have to agree. How often do we as church people sweep the difficult things under the rug and choose instead to talk about pleasant things? What about church politics? difficulties? These are also ignored. It's such a shame....often God's power is best seen in these messy situations--our depravity mixed with the awesome-ness of an almighty God makes for....well good news that needs to be shared.


Also, we got to discuss some of my conclusions of my research--one main criticism I continue to come up against is the closed nature of the New Monastic movement towards those who are potentially interested in joining in similar community work. There are many reasons for this--dealing with the 'fans" takes away from time spent in the neighborhood, and many communities that leave the institutional church in order to do their community work (some would say they've left the institutional church to show the rest of us how to be the church).
However, it was great to be able to discuss how we--as fellow venturers within this moving of the Holy spirit might better help those who are potentially interested in joining in community life and ventures find their way. For some of us this might mean remaining in churches that we otherwise would not in order to let ourselves be used there--for others this could be finding ways to incorporate volunteers on a more scheduled basis. But it's about providing the first stepping stone for people.

It's exciting to see how even our topic of conversations evolved over the time of the year--we're discussing different things now as we live out this "thing" together.

Check out this video on the neighborhood I'm moving to soon. It's about the environmental disaster the area river is--plus the violence in the neighborhood.

http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/07062007/profile2.html

Searching for Sabbath

During InterVarsity Orientation Training we got a 24-hour period of off-time. It was designated as a "Sabbath" period.

In true InterVarsity fashion, they gave us a handout with some scripture on it and the reasoning behind why taking a rest/sabbath period (likening to when God rested on the 7th day after creation) is good for staff work....and some suggestions for things to do.

In true me fashion, I of course heeded the suggestion. I ended up seeing 2 sets of friends that came into town. Physically I was still pretty exhausted....and started to doubt whether I really was as extroverted as I thought....or if I just needed a good nap and unscheduled time.

By the next day, I took the middle of the day by myself at least to get everything done I've needed to do.....but did I really take a Sabbath? What counts? Is it "taking time off"? More about reconnecting with God? (odd, because some devotional books suggest taking a day off from the "work" of their reading/activities....which seems counter-intuitive to this idea of reconnecting with God). But maybe this Sabbath rest is more about abiding in the presence of God?

What about Sabbath for an extrovert? Is it inherently more social? However, maybe I'm then presupposing that Sabbath always has to include retreat.


I've had a lot of trouble being home finding real rest. There's a strong pressure to always be working, always getting something done. Trying to get funding to 100%.....leaves me often feeling like I'm wasting any time that could be better spent towards that end. During the day I have more free time often than in the evenings when I have meetings or need to make phone calls. Before, having been a work-now-play-later kind of person....all day I feel somewhat guilty for putting off my major work until evening.

It's something I'm going to have to really learn. Any suggestions welcome. How to Sabbath? What the heck to do as Sabbath? Napping or sitting in front of the TV or facebook seem like a waste of time. However, all of these by-yourself activities feel really lonely often to me too. Yet, I just feel exhausted sometimes. Sometimes I think it is just allowing myself the mental vacation from thinking about InterVarsity 24/7.