Christmas Eve services

I have a tradition, maybe its unusual, but probably not.

I like to try out area churches on Christmas eve, lots of churches. In the world of marketing-oriented churches, Christmas Eve is actually a wonderful time to "check out" a new church. Consider it, they put their best face forward, showing what sort of new programming is coming out--and hopefully you get an authentic feel for what the church would actually be like. Last year I hit up one mega church a couple days before and 3-4 the day of christmas eve.

However, this year with an out-of-town football championship (gone until 3pm on Christmas Eve)....my chance to go to marathon services was thwarted. I made it to the Fellowship mega service Thursday afternoon....quite in advance, and a 7:30 & communion at my church, followed by a 11pm midnight Presbyterian mass.

Its starting, however, to reek of "spiritual bulimia"--as though going to hear one more person's take on the "real meaing of Christmas"---or take in another candlelight singing of Silent Night---or even the 3 times I took communion last night (they accidently served me twice at my own church, opps)....as though that's really going to translate to a significantly closer feeling to God. Quantity won't always translate to really getting through my thick skull.

However, some of the themes from various services...
Christmas was God's way of descending the stairs, in all ways "with us"
Peace is what all of us are longing for and want most in life, Christ offers this
--and heard a great family friend(pastor of Pres. church) tell his testimony

Football Fantasy?

So yes, again for the 3rd year in a row, 4th out of 5 consecutive years....my high school (Southlake Carroll) has again won the state football championship. One game lost in 5 years.

Is that totally unreal or what? Bragging aside, how do high schoolers grow up never experiencing losing? Some television program started calling it the greatest high school football dynasty in history--come on, little over the top.

At my house, we've watched the replay tape of the game about 2-3 times already in 24 hours home. The head coach, 7 years at our school, is leaving for college ball starting in January--the new head coach at North Texas. To live in a place where the head football coach is a local celebrity, featured on television with a special and the New York Times.

Not to say I'm not loving every minute of it (mom, who thinks I'm always talking down about my hometown), its just crazy.

Wren Cross Controversy

Begin the "name drop" gesture.

I believe this whole debacle to be largely silly and over-blown.

But push-come-to-shove.....I spoke in front of the Student Assembly in favor of Nichol's move to remove the cross from the Wren Chapel.

then I wrote an article about it too: http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1149192227824

-yea, super-fun.

12/19: book: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell

I started reading this book with two wonderful women in my life about 10 days ago.

We've had a great time, deconstructing his arguments and understanding his call to "repaint" our view of faith and be flexible in our theology--remembering that Christ remains central. But also recognizing that every generation that claimes to have "found it" in terms of Biblical interpretation, etc....is just as culturally influenced as the one that came before.

Basically, before I'd read it, I decided it was more of this post-modern Christian genre. Basically true. However, its always good to continue to be challenged. And I'm continually challenged by recognizing that this whole post-modern, deconstruction thing....is a very new idea for some people....and that's ok.

12/20 Reflections on first semester senior year

Life, of course is busy. I, however, have an awful memory. Maybe its the blessing for us achievement-oriented types---the ability to constantly forget what you've just finished, never able to be comfortable, always needing to strive for something more.

However, in my relentless pursuit of doing new things and keeping my life moving, I often forget where I've been, what I've learned, and what kind of amazing blessings have fallen (to use an interesting verb) into my life.

So, to help myself out a bit, starting over a year ago, on my plane ride home from school I pull out my calendar and make a list of all the major events of my semester (new relationships, major conversations/thought patterns, major events). Its been an awesome time of praise each semester.

Highlights from the 5-page list of major events of 1st semester senior year:
-volunteering with Alzhiemer's seniors at Williamsburg Landing, George Marble a wonderful ex-navy man who told me many times about his boats
-speaking about Zaccheus at New Student Retreat for Intervarsity
-3 new girls in Yates cont. Bible study
-month on 1 crutch
-Living with three amazing women
-First percussion concert of college
-nights at the Ho House karyokee
-Hancock Pledge class social at the Leafe: alphabet game!
-an engaged roommate
-Catalyst conference and a wonderful group of older people from rural Tennessee
-Brian Lewis speaking at InterVarsity
-IJM Food and Justice panel
-Getting my "ebeneezer" ripped from my face
-Senior Class Gift affairs
-Getting to meet some new/unknown before amazing members of the class of 2007
-Trips to: Atlanta, Petersburg, Ligonier, Washington DC

Songs of the semester: Taking the Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks
Painting Pictures of Egypt, Sara Grooves

Thoughts/Revelations:
-Christianity and politics: can we be involved? is anarchism Christ's way?
-the reality of downward mobility: somewhere along the line taking the way against the world stops being sexy and starts being hard and actually downward
--focus on your strengths: is this really a Christ-like way of thinking about ourselves? our ministries?--looking at what we're good at and learning to get even better at it?
-How do you continue to challenge and come alongside people who you've been in long relationship with?
-deconstructing the individualism of Western christianity....where have we infused individualism into the message of Christ?--considering how often people claim "calling" as a reason to make decisions/go or not go somewhere...is this valid?
~however, where are we going so far to forget that Christ loves each of us and desires transformation for each of us?

12/19 Book: "Girl Meets God"

Lauren Winner. Could she be the only mildly acceptable "emergent" Christian female writer? I know I'm forgetting others...but really, where are the women? We've got Donald Miller, Rob Bell, Shane Claiborne, Brian MClaren.....where are the girls in this "conversation?"

Well, needless to say, I love Lauren Winner. Either its her wit or her amazing ability to mix the reverent/irreverent without a second glance....the woman experiments with orthodoxy, first Jewish then finding Jesus. She talks about blending her identites.....while of course always being funny enough to discuss her Southern Jewish heritage, latest boyfriend, or confessional.

I know some of my friends didn't like her "Real Sex" box; however, I found this to be not only the most helpful but also most revelant sexuality/dating Christian book I'd ever read.
--I've met her, I think we could get along.

12/13 Life falling into place?

Ever start to feel like life is falling into place, like people are finally starting to understand you? That life is starting to line up?

Is it weird I feel those feelings and feel the weariness that maybe its all too good to be true? All too right? Has the Christian fatalism within me forced me into thinking when things seem to slide into place, that suddenly things are too easy, requiring no work or effort from me? That of course, the story always ends with God forcing in a 180 turn.

Today I walked around a struggling neighborhood in DC. For one, it seems wrong to say the word struggling when I don’t know anyone living there, I’m completely basing it off of judgment calls. But let’s just say the world would call this a struggling place. And somehow it felt right. It felt like another version of what I’ve found in other places, a slower pace pervades in an often fast urban culture. Feels like this could be a more established community versus what pushes around DC everyday, interns fighting for a place, everyone dressed in all black, rushing around town.

12/13 Christian Hippies #8

location: washington DC
These people possibly are this next iteration of this “new monastic” thing. Maybe what will follow once people get overexcited by Shane’s book. What happens next? How will they go about changing their lives?
What I’ve encountered in DC is a growing community of people who are searching out what it would look like to live these values of community and social justice in their everyday lives. They’re considering moving in together, I stayed with 5 already sharing a home. They’re figuring out what kinds of neighborhoods they want to invest with, where those will be and how long they can commit to being there. The community is growing. I stayed with 5 but I met another 5 at least and have heard of at least 20 or so more.
So what comes to mind for me, if there is this growing community of people here in DC just incited by reading this book….what does the rest of the country look like post-Irresistible Revolution? Is it the impact of a book? Probably not in comparison to the spirit of God moving among people looking to live out faith in a different way.
But how to tell them that not everyone looks like the Simple Way? So many people are living in multiple homes, are married and singles together, or just married couples….what about all those that have jobs outside the community, actually, in fact almost every place looks like that.

But for the first time, probably because I wasn’t walking in the “I’m I college, wanting to study you” mode, I felt like I could be a visionary for them, a partner in what they’re doing. Could I join completely and feel uninhibited about that? Not yet, but maybe in time.
It felt like a community of people, people that I could get along with, be friends with, who could support me in life, or at least would try.

12/11 The Long Way Around

“I could never follow.” Here I sit, back in my element---on a train, headed to where I’ve never been before. Now listening to my battle cry, my hymn of life these days— Dixie Chicks, “The Long Way Around.”

The song strikes me for many reasons. For one, its about not taking the regular life path, being willing to “take the long way around” in order to get—well, maybe not to any end at all. There is some part of me, deep inside that resonates with an adventurous spirit. I think its hidden somewhere down deep, beneath my fears of leaving home, my fears of leaving what I know and who I know and love so much. But in me is a person who loves all things new—once I’ve been torn apart from what I know.

This morning I took my one and only final and now am hoping on a train to check out a community and see a few friends in Washington DC. Its uncertain. It was hard to leave. For one, a good friend of mine is leaving after this semester, so the notion of leaving, and never knowing if I’ll ever see them again—its sobering. In some ways it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to deny this spirit inside of me.

What drives me on? Especially being someone who is so quick to become content and committed to a group of people. How will I ever reconcile these wrestling spirits inside of myself? I wonder if its an overwhelming love for being where I am—or at least I know that tonight when I am in my new location, I will be in a completely different mindset, the fears and heartbrokenness inside of me will subside.

The train moves on, I got on it and here I go. Goodbye friends—I hope I’ll see you again someday.

9/24 She's back again

So I've wrestled over and over whether to continue the blog past this summer. It was supposed to be for reflections about life on the road and seeing and meeting many new people.

So two points come up.

A: is it pretentious to think I really have something to say on a regular basis?

B: Is it short-changing life to only think I can have interesting thoughts when on a journey?

I think all of life is a journey, so I write on.

Reflections on the New Monasticism and the communities of people I have met and continue to become more and more a part of......
they have challenged me to rethink my life and my response to social justice, Christianity on campus, how I spend my time, and of course the luminous "what comes after college?" question.

Currently I am considering:
-anarchism?
~of course this comes well-versed with strong ideals of hoping sometime in my life God will let me be a voice of representation for those who are oppressed.....that I could act as an advocate. Is it possible outside the governmental system? I'm not sure.
~I see this query ending in me just learning to be always wary of politics and putting hope in some sort of earthly higher power.

-the value of being small
~the idea that when things get large, ministry, groups of friends, ideas about ourself....we're often off-base and headed down the road that we're guiding ourselves to, not god.

-life is process
~life is of course a journey, a constant reflection on what is to come, learning from mistakes and continuing on. I don't need to know where I'm going 30 years from now, I need to figure out maybe this week. Nehemiah was the cupbearer for a foreign king for decades before he was called on to be the Rebuilder of a City. How I'd love that job title....or life calling.



-----Good things about being a senior-----
*Loving on my friends
*Attempting to learn how to be "in the moment" more, present with people
*making time for people

I sing songs about Texas

Location: Southlake, Texas

Short life update, I left Camden Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning I went to a wonderful service at Sacred Heart Catholic church in South Camden, a beautiful community lead by Father Michael Doyle, a famous local activist. It was so vibrant, alive and loving. Very different from Renaissance, but surely community as well. It kept getting better and better. There was a concert at the end from the Psalters...and I got to know some great Urban Promise summer interns. One girl had a similar story in her "journey to camden," lead by the UP workgroup guy reuben at least a year ago as well.

Two other girls let me join them as they walked the streets to say goodbye to kids. That was such a wonderful different view of the city, watching them really greet people/be friendly, not afraid, seeing kids run up to them. It was also hard though to see where these kids play (outside of an abandoned house/liquor store......the air smelling again of mixed sewage/factory bacon smell/trash.......there's no escaping, its suffocating).

Since Camden, I spent a couple days with Janelle and others. Sunday evening we went to Rebecca H's church for the summer, a great young vibrant community that she's really loved. Rachel hung out until the next day and then Janelle and I went to Ellis Island museum which was very interesting. We'd come in expecting to see all the horrors of immigration discussed to find a very positive side of it all....made us think about the framing of ideas in one light or another.

Back home Wednesday evening in Texas finally......mexican food stops of course, Chipotle and Anamias of course. I've learned how to make some other forms of mexican food in anticipation of a kitchen in ludwell.
It's also been great to be back, feel the 109 degree heat---not totally sarcastic....there's nothing like a texas summer night, 93 degrees currently, humidity only 41% is beautiful.

I've also gotten to get back together with a great friend from high school I hadn't seen in almost a year, again, always amazes me that all in all we're not too different. Gosh I think about what Laura Newkirk says alot of times......that she'd love to have all the people she loves be together and know one another, to be around all the time......what a dream, but I wish I could take this friend with me, along with so many others that i've met and have them with me always.

Dreaming? Isn't that what weddings are for? Or maybe heaven?

Christian Hippies #7

Location: Camden, NJ

I've come "full circle" some people said to me as I told them I was coming back to Camden for my last set of interviews, and that I would be ending both my tour and my project here in this location.

First, its weird to be back in this city. There's some kind of energy here, something about this place that draws me in. I am sad I am inside at a computer, yet its the kind of place that confuses me....for me to just go sit outside, for instance, is not really an option here. There is the park where the drug dealers and alcoholics sit, when I walk the streets people assume I'm a prostitute (as many white girls in the neighborhood are), there are no restaurants or places even to buy things that I could casually enter. It is not an easy place to engage with.

However, I am still drawn here. I had an odd situation trying to get a cab to come down to this section of the city. For starters, I got into the cab and forgot (because it looked like a regular car) that in most cabs the passenger sits in the back. The guy driving the cab seemed taken a-back that I would sit next to him and try to talk to him. He also questioned why I wanted to go to that part of the city, he said he'd pegged me for a Cherry Hill/Collinsworth or some other place kind of person. I joyfully told him I was here to see a few friends.

Is it possible to seek out a career in evangelizing the public to the fact not only that places like south camden exist....but also that there are real people there, with real lives?

So down in Waterfront South area, after settling into the Fellowship House, I went over to where two members of the community were living. We did the interview in stages and several locations, taking time inbetween to see a "yes...and!" production at Urban Promise headquarters. This morning I went to the larger house next door for my last interview (at least I think).

By this point none of the questions change, and I've become very accustomed to the rhythm of the interview, for the most part, people's responses don't shock me maybe as they did before. I have to be careful not to let out information about other places too much and also to keep from leading the interview in a prescribed direction of any kind.

One question that did come up this time was the "sustainability" of living life in Waterfront South. Its a difficult area, there aren't places really to play and enjoy. Camden is Camden, its not like other cities where people say there are certain sections of town "you should aviod"--many people feel they should avoid the city entirely. That attitude hurts my heart, but its not surprising. Some are beginning to question if they can grow old here, have children here, plan to live out life in such an intense neighborhood. Many of the other communites are not in such extreme areas, this some see as part of their sustainability.

However, who will go to the Camdens of this country? Somehow its actually become kind of trendy and sexy to come see what its like here, spend some time around the communities here......but I think we all know that feeling won't last. Is this whole new-monastic thing about coming to the abandoned places of this country.....or is it more about community living.....discovering "another way of life"......or pursuing the kingdom of God........not that any of those things are necessarily mututally exclusive either.

I am trying to discern what it was/is that keeps this place and these people so fresh in my mind. I would say its the slant on the really abanonded places of the world that was the initial spark....but even that comes into question. Some say its the overly enthusiastic young people who want to come to Camden, only to find out maybe they can't last that way for life.


But still who will go for us? Who will He send?

New England Adventures!

Location: New Hampshire/Maine

On Monday evening I met my good friend/new roommate Rachel Berryman in Newton, Mass for the beginning of our tour-de-New England.

Yes, some of you have commented/asked. What is the facination with New England? Don't most people want to tour Europe? Or road trip out west?

I'm not quite sure what the initial facination and thoughts were....but part of me wants to see if I could make it in this part of the country....but another part of me just wants to find out what life is like here or what people are like.....or what its like to live in a small state that needs to find identity in something.....yea that's just my blabbing, I don't know, I'd never been this far north, so whatever.

So Monday we had dinner in Wellesley with a girl Rachel went to Prauge with.
Tuesday we headed into Maine, saw a light house, walked a rocky beach/Marginal, Way in Ogonquit(sp?), saw some cute shops, and ended out at Kennybunkport, George Bush's summer home (furthers North to date....and it came with a Texas Flag!)

Wednesday we went to the White Mountains in Northern New Hampshire, hiked for 3 or 4 hours, saw lots of waterfalls, and took a scenic drive on the Kankamangus Highway across the park area (would be beautiful in the fall, with leaves), and contemplated sliding on rocks. We ended off with some "Yankee Barbeque," a bit of an odd choice but alright nonetheless.

Thursday we had another beachy day in Portsmouth, NH. We first had some blueberry pie, wandered around a cute downtown area.....then sat out at the beach for a couple of hours. We got in the water for a few minutes and came out numb.....water, maybe 60 degrees?

In the inbetween, we've been staying with her great family in Dover, New Hampshire....they feed us and let us sleep in their home....and they're great travel agents too! It's been great to spend time with a family and feel included in that too.

The summer of hospitality never ends........well especially when you spend you life bumming from one person's porch to the next.

Christian Hippies #6

Location: Springfield, Mass.

Each time I write one of these kinds of entries I am frustrated by how from the outside these people appear to be subjects that I am constantly observing adn then comparing or theorizing about. It's so difficult to convey that each of these communities are filled with people that i have actually come to love and know, hopefully in a deep way(anyone from a community reading....shout out time!)

Maybe it's the feeling that we can share our faith with one another or the knowledge that I am interested in similar ministry--or maybe its just the nature of interviewing, asking difficult and personal questions. I am filled with nothing but an overwhelming, overflowing sense of love for these people, their struggles. I identify with as much as I can and want to meet their needs. They have deeply changed me.

As time goes on, I see myself prcessing more adn more fo what this time looking in on other people's lives and ministires...and how looking at this will change me as a person. I actually had a couple of poeple ask me how I had been changed this time. I think I gained a little bit of new insight.

I struggle with the idea of community, that people would actually be in need of other people--that maybe I might need people too. If you were to ask me, the best way to go about doing this communal living in mission thing, I woudl say is to take me and a few peopel simialr to myself as far as being nighly motivated and really productive people, and then we can maximize our resources for optimal results. Sound like a business plan? Yep. God doesn't really like to do things my way though.

I'm beginning to realize that many people end up im community because they need it, because they are weak---this coincides with the realization that maybe I myself am weak. Bigger is not always better. Jesus' dream isn't always America's of more, faster.

Could I live here? Could I live in any place I've seen? Would I want to? How long would I accommodate strangers or would I just avoid and be stubborn, not wanting to really be vulnerable? Why can't they all just live as though they are living alone and then work together.....

I really connected with one girl here. She numbers among a few choice individuals who I found to be actually turning the questions around on me--by surprise! At least two people this time wanted to see how I was handling all this information personally, what I had been learning about myself this summer.

I listened to the way she spoke about coming to learn from her community here and it facinated me. She was so honest, so heart--felt. Part of me heard sound-bytes, loving the way she phrased things. But to reduce her experience to sound bytes or quotes would be belittling the experience now, able finally to sit back and just soak in what she was saying. I almost started to cry at one point....but then, snap! Remember, I'm the interviewer here!

Nasty Me

8/6/2006
Location: South Station, Boston, Massachusetts
Just about the time in life when I start to believe that I am well along on my road to “sanctification,” or slowly becoming more Christ-like, God decides to expose to me some of my darkest, dirty parts of myself.
Recently this has shown up in the form of Amtrak Trains. Somehow, most every time I get on an Amtrak Train I will inevitably be late to my destination—and not even making it in the new estimated time of arrival as well. It is scary to see the anger/impatience/brooding that goes in inside of my head as I wait, wondering if I will ever get where I am supposed to be. Yes, I know, I can wait and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the situation—but it still leaves me bordering on being furious.
For instance, now I sit waiting still in Boston for my train to Springfield—we were supposed to leave 50 minutes ago. I do not know when we are leaving, and to make matters worse, we are not sitting in the station any longer, we are sitting on a train that is not moving.
I find myself recounting all the times this summer when I have used this form of transportation, I remember as I rack up cases against Amtrak, that of the 5 trains I’ve used this summer so far, 4 have been late. I guess I hate calling whoever is picking me up—especially when it’s someone I haven’t met yet/seen in a long time, and announcing I will be seemingly inconveniencing them even more than I originally intended.
But still, I would expect myself to handle this situation well. To put it out of my mind, to understand there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this and thus to choose to take advantage of this extra amount of time to catch up on reading or sleep or something—but instead I see my own ugly, angry self, funny how I reflect on it each time, really never seeing myself get this way in any other situation. It’s humorous but it’s also a great reminder of how far I am from being the person I want to be—how I can continually surprise myself with how I treat someone or think about someone or do something “completely out of character;” however, times like this make me acknowledge that no, I am acting in character at this moment, as nasty as it may be.

Good times and Friends

8/5/2006
Location: Boston, Mass.
General update

The past couple of days I’ve had the privilege of visiting several new places and getting to catch up with several people.

On Thursday I ventured for a day trip to New Haven, Connecticut to visit Yale University to check out the law and divinity schools. I’ve always said gothic architecture and I don’t really agree very much, I couldn’t go to Princeton or Duke, for instance. However, I’ve found Yale to be quite beautiful. There’s something about its location in the middle of New Haven that’s really appealing to me as well. Its interesting how what you think you want changes over time. The law school was abandoned and I could only pick up a brochure. The divinity school on the other hand, threw out the red carpet for me, complete with an admissions counselor to talk to, a nice woman to give me a walking tour, meeting several students and a ride to the train station. I don’t know what I think about the concept of divinity school however, as far as what the purpose of the whole thing is. I can understand seminary as you need it to work in some churches, but the whole M-div thing seems a bit over-intellectualized for me at this point in my life.

Friday I came into Boston and met up with Greg’s friend Katie P. Sometimes Greg jokes (I think) that he doesn’t like us to get together because we gang up on him. She’s a great girl, tons of fun and a really relaxed kind of person. Sometimes I wish Greg’s friends were my group of friends too. They, at least when I’m around, give this great air of being all fun all the time, hanging out formally and informally, all different kinds of personalities. Makes me want to move up closer to here to hang out with all of them more. Katie and I went to this Oyster place for lunch, very touristy, the place where both JFK and John Kerry awaited their election results in this restaurant. I had raw oysters, definitely a little weird. Now I’ve had sushi before, but oysters…..ummm, let’s just say I’m doing fried the next time around.

Friday evening I got together with Nicole Bucheri, a good friend from high school in Southlake who now goes to Boston College. Its amazing to me to see how much sometimes we can be like our friends and not even know it—Nicole and I both hold this overachiever, activist spirit inside of us. She’s informed and cares a lot about fair trade and ethical eating, its really refreshing to spend time with her and realize we’re interested in reading the same books for instance like The End of Poverty by Jeffery Sachs. Nicole is very brave though and seemingly not attached or overly sentimental like I can be—she’s taking off a year of college (she’s a year younger than me) and going to volunteer in Argentina and probably work for another NGO. It was great to see her in her environment at school as well.

Saturday Nate Nichols came and picked me up from BC. We spent the afternoon in Boston wandering around some more. It was great to do more of the sweeping tour, getting a great last day in the city—over time Boston and I continue to get along more and more. We saw the public library (beautiful!), the water front, a hip-hop performance, a festival for a saint in the North End and lots of general historic sites. It was great to wander around and spend some time with Nate, he always has either such a diplomatic or well-thought out ideas on most of life. Its interesting and helpful to hear his perspective, funny when I can tell he’s drawing my opinions out of me as well though (its that Soul Talk thing at work).

Justice?? On Campus

8/4/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island

I’ve done a lot of thinking lately about what it means to think about justice/social action/buzz word of choice when on a college campus. I guess I keep thinking its time to start being more innovative or really just more transformative or loving in our actions. What does the word “missions” really mean anyway? I guess people start talking about cross-cultural issues when it comes up. But what does cross-cultural look like on a college campus? Does it mean seeking to stand up for those of a different background or ethnic group or economic class on campus—is that what it looks like practically?
Right now it looks a lot more like creating socially-conscious individuals. But I sit around and think, this isn’t really different. It doesn’t seem to be exactly what Jesus wants from us. I think he wants us to learn to love him and others more. I guess the closer you get to Jesus the more you’re going to love what he loves—people who need help would fit into that category.
But how does this work? I see so many times how we, meaning the “social justice” type Christians just become Christians who read the newspaper. Is it really costly and transformative to think about world issues? Or problems in America, families not having enough money. I think it probably is transformative to start feeling like God does care about these things, and so we probably should too.
However, I am continually struck by the lack of relationship and seemingly real opportunity to love others that are different from us when we go about “social action” in this way. When I read an article about the political issues involved in Darfur, am I loving those people? What about if I send up a prayer about them? Is that enough—now there’s a dangerous question, of course God doesn’t “expect” some count of actions from us.
But what would it look like for us to throw out the term social justice—for one, it alienates about half the Christian community that get scared about the political sound of the word. What would it be like to instead only talk about loving people.
However, that’s just talk—what would it be like to actually enact that love for other people. How can we go about doing missions on a college campus—especially if missions are supposed to inherently be about being cross-cultural.

I feel like I’m really reconsidering the approach of both IJM and Intervarsity to missions in light of so many of the missionaries I’ve met this summer. Many of them dislike the idea of doing “something big,” when we start thinking large-scale always (balance always, large scale is possible sometimes) we start to put the power into ourselves, losing humble, small faithful actions that are everyday. Instead so many of them decide to move into a struggling neighborhood and start doing what they can to love their neighbors and build relationships.

No, I’m not thinking we should all find a struggling neighborhood in Williamsburg and move in. But what would it look like to do missions differently at William and Mary? Does it mean demanding a fair wage for all the workers on campus? Counseling a friend who’s been sexually assaulted?

A speaker at Sojourner’s conference challenged us to stop appealing to people’s intellect or ideas, always going for academic facts or shock statistics or attempting to get people to care off of the “gut reaction” feeling that they should—it’s the right thing to do. She instead said it’s best to go for someone’s heart, when it hits the heart people become passionate on their own. Does only experience do this? A friendship? A short-term mission trip? I’d hate to think it always has to be that way.

God calls us to a different way of life, seeking after Him and his kingdom, isn’t that the point? One group I’ve visited this summer talked about how God’s bringing his kingdom to earth and sometimes we’re lucky enough to get to experience the kingdom coming—almost that we fall into an already moving stream of the holy spirit acting out redemption on earth. “Another world is possible” some say, a way where love is paramount above achievements or advancements for social justice or leveling out the economic situation of the world---and sometimes those two things intersect. I continue to mull over what it would be like to think differently about what it means to act out in love, not just to think about help as an abstract concept.

Comments welcome, this is definitely coming out in mid-digestion mode. Excuse my run-on sentences and half-considered thoughts. Verbal processor at work here.

What New England is teaching me

8/3/2006
Location: Providence, Rhode Island

I think I’m beginning to see some of what New England had to teach me about my faith.

I’ve seen a picture of Christian unity in New England unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Maybe its because they have smaller numbers, maybe its because somehow they’re all oddly friends. But it’s really refreshing to find that the church I’ve gone to is connected to Christians who come from other states to a weekly bible study, some of which who go to Brown University. And at Brown, some of these students are in a Christian Fellowship lead by people I’ve met as well—who also happen to be close friends with not only some of the Christian hippie communities but also are friends with a girl who ended up at the same church small group led by another wonderful church couple. Hard to follow? Its like a big web.

So many people I’ve met here in Providence have said that people in Rhode Island aren’t welcoming and its really hard to make friends because people have the same friends for most of their lives here and aren’t interested in new friends.
Well for one, I haven’t met a lot of native Rhode Islanders so my observations are probably highly skewed. But all of my non-Brown interactions have been almost opposite of that idea.
I’ve never felt so welcomed and loved and accepted as quickly as in the Christian community here in Providence. Reminds me that the church/God/ Christians are all actually supposed to be a part of the same body—connected in some mysterious way.

I think the people here really seem to understand that. They know that even though they only met me 5 minutes ago, we are already family, already somehow connected—so they embrace me like family, love me like family, invite me over like family. There is no suspicion, only love. They’re excited to hear about how the rest of the body—maybe I come from the hand or the toe or something—but they want to know how the rest of the family is doing, they’re thrilled to get to share life with me for a month and then pass me onto the next part of the body for safe-keeping, we’ll see each other again sometime.

"Random?" Conversations

Ever made an appointment to talk to someone, then get there and realize you frankly have nothing to say? Well, in that case there are two options: admit your fault and leave, tail between your legs....or option B: start talking and attempt to appear relevant.

Well I had 3 appointments today all in a row that had about that same format.

First conversation was with a religious studies professor at Brown. I'd been encouraged to go "check out" the department. I'd already seen the website, knew their focus was on antiquity and basically things I'm not really interested in nor have background with.....but I went anyway. So now I'm sitting in front of this woman attempting to tell her why I came to see her. Oh dear. Well first I say I am thinking about graduate school in general, she basically tells me that this isn't for me because I don't have the kind of background they would want (aka in religious studies, of course).
So seeing this meeting falling apart before my eyes, myself trying to make a graceful exit....I decide to ask her about her own research interests--salvation! I've had this same tactic before, been in the middle of a visit/meeting/etc and realize that it is completely not relevant to anything I care about....so instead I decide to take it as a chance to get to know this person. Interesting to do when they think you're there to find out about something completely different.
---So in the end we had a very nice conversation about senses and smells in relation to religious experience. She'd written a book on it. Sounded actually very interesting to me. Conversation 1 saved.

My next meeting was with the Brown-Co-operative housing group. I just wanted to see the house and get a chance to observe what non-religious co-housing or communal living would look like. This is an odd thing to tell someone you're interested in.....yea, I wanna just wander around your house. So getting to the house, I met one girl who seemed a bit confused about why I'd come.......so suddenly I decided to tell her about my "research project" on co-ops....not exactly what I'm doing, but at least didn't leave her staring at me like I was crazy anymore.

If nothing else, this resulted in a chance to really ask some great questions and get to know a new person as well. At that point I knew i wasn't taking notes or holding any agenda of my own....so why not? ask this girl how long she'd lived there, her major, and her experience living in a co-op, her personal struggles, whatever. Interesting how coming in as an outsider/researcher can land you license to ask people personal questions like that sometimes. She told me all about the conflict going on in the house, spilling about somone who kept referring to the housing situation as Germany before WWII. Seemed a bit out of my line of questioning, but interesting nonetheless. Regardless, what first seemed like a horribly awkward conversation, trying to explain why i wanted to wander her house (really just personal interest), suddenly became a good discussion on sharing living space.---Conversation #2 saved.


So next I was expected back at the Religious Studies department for my second line of questioning/discussion with now the department head. You can understand my extreme hesitation at this point recognizing I pretty much have no business to be thinking about Brown religious studies department at all. I considered cancelling the appointment, wondering what I would come up with to talk about unless I simply choose to lie and talk about "interests" that were more alligned with theirs. I decided instead to go through with the appointment.

I'd had a few minutes in between other meetings to go to the library and search out this woman on the internet and see her interests. I also knew best at this point it would be better to come in appearing completely ignorant and talk about myself and see if she felt I fit the program (already knowing I didn't) than to state that for her myself. However cost/benefit analysis told me that it would be a waste of time to totally focus on what was not/could not be. So after a short discussion about how Brown was probably not the program for someone with my interests, we had a nice talk about sociology and what it meant to study religion from a non-theoretical/philisophical perspective and instead to take a more "grounded" approach. It was reassuring.
But I'd have to say my conversation twisting skills came best into use when I just asked for some of her scholarly opinion on the history of the Desert Fathers (the new monastic people like to invoke the name, but I know little about them). This became a beautiful tactic, we had a great discussion about memory/what it meant for people to look back on a "tradition" that probably wasn't complete reality....but in the construction of ideas, historical fact didn't matter as much as the ideal they were upholding. Hopefully that made sense......But still, conversation #3 saved.


Well at the end of the day, I ran across Providence twice, didn't really get any further in either discovering my future or researching my thesis....but I had some nice talks. I wouldn't call it a pointless day, I feel like my mind was somewhat expanded in the process.

Maybe that's what life just is sometimes, the sum of many great conversations. Or at least I often feel like that's what my life becomes.

Biking 30 miles

Location: Providence, RI to Bristol, RI
Tuesday in the "excessive heat" warning throughout Rhode Island, myself and two RA friends took a 30 mile bike ride. It was tons of fun. The scenery was wonderful, views of the Naragansett bay and many people's gardens and fields, all culminating in Bristol, Rhode Island's ocean views.

Essentially I was impressed with all of us for making it through the entire day! And one day later, I'm not really sore either, probably should've gone faster!